Finding some parents rather pretentious...

[Burgoo]

I think its a minority though I have noticed over some time that there is a pattern where some parents almost seem a bit precious and pretentious about how much they do with their kids or what they give them.

I've seen a few instances where people say how they only feed their kids organic food, they have all these scheduled activities lined up, always available emotionally and present in the moment etc. Whilst that sounds great I do sometimes wonder whether it feels a bit of a "better parent" competition at times.

I feed my child whatever happens to be available in the house and I don't have the time to be messing around with carefully prepped meal plans and structured activities to occupy my child 24/7. Whilst I understand that those things are ideal, I often wonder why people feel the need to constantly bleat on about it, like it somehow makes them better parents (and as a by-product, better human beings). It feels like BS a lot of the time.

I've noticed that my partner and I often read online suggestions for things for/to do with/to feed our kid. There are meticulously arranged meal plans that sound absolutely ludicrous - avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins - I'd need a live in chef just to be able to get it all done. That's without the sheer amount of money these types of meal plans cost!

I don't begrudge people doing the best they can for their kids. It just comes off sanctimonious clap-trap when people bang on about it online.

My philosophy with kids is:

1. Moderation, moderation, moderation... my kid eats anything from prawns and chicken to broccoli and curry (low-fat mind). She is a perfect weight, doesn't eat huge amounts of junk but we don't go on some mental plan for her
2. Give your kid a bit of time to do nothing! I see so many parents having to be "doing" something with their kids all the time. Its a nice way to get your kids to avoid emotions and not be able to sit doing nothing for a while. I see it every day in my working life and I can see where it is going a mile off
3. Stop hovering! My partner does this and it drives me mad. If my kid falls over, she can get up. She will learn its okay. Waiting for a catastrophe to happen isn't going to make a child feel anything but neurotic.
4. Your kids are going to F up, alot! Don't put them on a pedestal; they will inevitably let you down and that is completely fine. We all do. I've seen so many parents who believe the sun shines out their kids rear ends.
5. Follow through with a consequence and take off the punishment once the kid has done what s/he's told. Parents saying "if you don't do X we are going home" is the one that always gets me going. I want to say "no you aren't and you will regret it later!"

Sorry for the rant. Please don't anyone take this as a personal attack, its just an observation.

Your kids are going to F up, alot!

a lot. Two words, not one.

Pretentious? Moi?

^^

Sure thing 👍

I'm so glad you noticed yourself and your partner looking at those online suggestions. It would be terrible if that one flew under your finely calibrated radar.

I'm enjoying speculating about how food becomes available in your house and how you know the curry is low fat. Strikes me that someone who finds running a knife through an avocado or opening a pack or tin of mackerel complicated would probably find the process of cooking a curry from scratch equally ludicrous.

Don't mind me, I'm just going to make my boys throw up the full-fat butter chicken curry I slaved over today :-)

I had that earlier this week it was delicious, good old Gousto!

The irony of your post 😂

Don't apologise for renting because your post didn't sound like a rant at all. It just sounded like a pretentious "look at what a cool, relaxed parent I am" boast.

You're obviously pleased with the way you choose to bring up your children. So are other people. No big deal.

Why don’t you write a book OP!? You sound fucking amazing and I’m sure we’d all be grateful 🙏

It's maybe one of those things like people's social media- maybe they're not actually doing all the stuff they're claiming to do for their kids; at least not always.

A lot of this sort of parenting is a luxury many people can't afford or don't have time for.

And living a normal life is fine.

Kids don't even have to have a particularly low fat diet BTW.

By reading this thread I've learned that there is such a thing as "pretentious foods" 🙄

I need a gin now to deal with the shock that I am a shit parent. My kids have hobbies and eat fucking spinach 🤦‍♀️

Lol

@Noglassjustthebottleandastraw I'm sure OP doesn't mind hobbies and spinach- her children eat low fat, from prawns to low fat curry after all. But we've all heard of parents who competitively go on about their children or how they parent- or who are precious and hothouse their kids.

It's interesting to understand how parenting has changed. I am 65 and DS is 23 but my DMIL, married in 1952, always prioritised the relationship with her husband over the relationship with her child. She told me so, explicitly. We are now looking after her interests, to ensure her twilight years are as comfortable as possible. But as a bride then, it was all about making your husband the centre of your life. Children definitely took second place.

If you have I have!!!!!

OP I'm not sure if you meant to, but your entire post is you doing the exact same thing that you're complaining about! People have different approaches to parenting, and as long as the kids are safe, happy and healthy then live and let live I say

Going against the grain here and I'll probably get flamed but I agree. I'm in my 50s and when I was a kid people just didn't used to make such a meal of parenting as they do now (making the child/ren the centre of one's world wasn't such a thing for starters - the kids were cherished family members but not the star around which everything else had to orbit at all times) and my generation mostly turned out fine.

Exactly this. Your parenting style sounds sensible OP.

And, you know what, I am no longer certain that prioritising your children is the right way to go. You look after them as tinies, then give them agency and control appropriate to their age, and then they fly. Roots and wings.

Too many parents feed their kids shit every day because they don’t know any better. Like your low fat curry. There’s nothing wrong with fat. The problem is sugar, and processed crap like crisps which for some reason are perfectly acceptable in lunch boxes.

personally I think those explaining what they feed their kids are trying to steer those in the other direction or helping them to think about other options. One of my friends sees nothing wrong with her children having a packet or crisps and a packet of sweets EVERY DAY and that’s without pudding which is often cake, ice cream or biscuits. Plus she cooks children different to her and her partner so it’s oven crap / cupboard staples like chicken nuggets, chips and beans. Mind boggling.

I love the irony 🤣 , you judge other parents for entering into a 'better parent competition ' and then spout off your philosophies of what makes you, in your opinion, the best parent ever!! Lol.

Sorry for the rant. Please don't anyone take this as a personal attack, its just an observation

no need to apologise @Burgoo. Your post is far more reflective of your hang ups than mine.

The trick is to stop analysing other people’s choices and press on with your own low fat curry casual parenting. What tends to happen is that a proportion of the generation you are part of raising will end up with a criminal record and a lesser proportion as Morris dancers or Young Conservatives or whatever and there is absolutely fuck all any of us parents can do about it except try and make sure our own children are acceptable members of society. This is best achieved by concentrating on what you’re doing and not worrying too much about other people mashing avocado, signing their toddlers up for violin lessons or breaking out the Turkey Twizzlers - none of these things tell you much about the important things that serve those children well long term, so don’t worry about those external measures.

I was with you until your philosophy too, then you became what you’re moaning about!

I assume, if this is real, OP has a problem with one mother in particular. A SIL or a frenemy she should have let go of after uni.

You clearly have young child/ren OP. You will become less sanctimonious over time hopefully.

FYI, my DDs eat non of your listed hated foods but are partial to a kebab amongst my half hearted attempts at giving them their 7 a day.

I have no idea what dc friends are fed but they all seem to be growing so whatever they’re doing is working.

one colleague with younger dc than me was horrified I sometimes put crisps in my 10yo year 6 dds’ lunch boxes. They eat well with lots of healthy stuff but crisps every now and them is fine imo. Sandwich, fruit and yogurt isn’t enough for active, growing hormonal 10yo dc. Obviously some dc will love avocado and olives but not in this house.

-avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins

Is this all in the muffin or just the spinach?

OP, do your thing and let other people do theirs. It’s not pretentious just because it’s different.

Dear OP, I am loving your work. I realise how badly I’ve failed that I haven’t written a 5 point philosophy for bringing up my children.