Finding some parents rather pretentious...

[Burgoo]

I think its a minority though I have noticed over some time that there is a pattern where some parents almost seem a bit precious and pretentious about how much they do with their kids or what they give them.

I've seen a few instances where people say how they only feed their kids organic food, they have all these scheduled activities lined up, always available emotionally and present in the moment etc. Whilst that sounds great I do sometimes wonder whether it feels a bit of a "better parent" competition at times.

I feed my child whatever happens to be available in the house and I don't have the time to be messing around with carefully prepped meal plans and structured activities to occupy my child 24/7. Whilst I understand that those things are ideal, I often wonder why people feel the need to constantly bleat on about it, like it somehow makes them better parents (and as a by-product, better human beings). It feels like BS a lot of the time.

I've noticed that my partner and I often read online suggestions for things for/to do with/to feed our kid. There are meticulously arranged meal plans that sound absolutely ludicrous - avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins - I'd need a live in chef just to be able to get it all done. That's without the sheer amount of money these types of meal plans cost!

I don't begrudge people doing the best they can for their kids. It just comes off sanctimonious clap-trap when people bang on about it online.

My philosophy with kids is:

1. Moderation, moderation, moderation... my kid eats anything from prawns and chicken to broccoli and curry (low-fat mind). She is a perfect weight, doesn't eat huge amounts of junk but we don't go on some mental plan for her
2. Give your kid a bit of time to do nothing! I see so many parents having to be "doing" something with their kids all the time. Its a nice way to get your kids to avoid emotions and not be able to sit doing nothing for a while. I see it every day in my working life and I can see where it is going a mile off
3. Stop hovering! My partner does this and it drives me mad. If my kid falls over, she can get up. She will learn its okay. Waiting for a catastrophe to happen isn't going to make a child feel anything but neurotic.
4. Your kids are going to F up, alot! Don't put them on a pedestal; they will inevitably let you down and that is completely fine. We all do. I've seen so many parents who believe the sun shines out their kids rear ends.
5. Follow through with a consequence and take off the punishment once the kid has done what s/he's told. Parents saying "if you don't do X we are going home" is the one that always gets me going. I want to say "no you aren't and you will regret it later!"

Sorry for the rant. Please don't anyone take this as a personal attack, its just an observation.

avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins

Can't see anything ludicrous about these foodstuffs.
Or that any of them need a chef to prepare them, or that they cost vast amounts of money. All of it cheaper than buying meat, or processed food.

Where are you meeting these helicopter parents?
Maybe broaden your circle, & find less obsessive friends?

Also laughing my head off at one of OP's earlier threads:

"AIBU is Actually Invalidating"
Burgoo · 25/02/2022 09:44

Yes, it certainly has been in this one, hasn't it?

Why is your parenting style worth banging on about when other people's isn't?

avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins - I'd need a live in chef just to be able to get it all done

None of those things are difficult or time consuming. Avocado - cut in half and slice, mackerel - open packet and eat, humus - open packet and eat, spinach muffins - whisk up 3 or 4 ingredients and bake for 15 mins. Your low fat curry sounds like a lot more effort

Following through with threats is the most ridiculous advice. It’s much better for children to hear ‘I overreacted with a stupid punishment and I’m sorry’.

A man has arrived to share his manly views. Thanks, man.

Why are you telling us? Why would we care?

Okay, whatever your reason is, that's why they're telling you.

There are meticulously arranged meal plans that sound absolutely ludicrous - avocado, mackerel, hummus, eggs and spinach muffins - I'd need a live in chef just to be able to get it all done.

That's super easy food - we don't eat meat, fish or avocados in this house because of the environmental impacts but none of that takes much time at all. And I don't know why you'd feed your kids low-fat anything, unless you mean you don't cook with much oil? Kids need high-quality fats. In my world a bit of olive oil or canola is fine. But with both those things - you don't care what I think, why should you? Crack on, you wouldn't care that they were competing if you didn't already feel a bit competitive/ defensive.

Absolute car crash of an OP

Not having enough time or money is exactly why I meal plan and make amazing food from scratch.

I don’t have the energy or brain cells to not know what we are eating.

All hail the man.

OP you've literally just given all of us other parents a five point plan as to how we should raise our children, without us asking for it, and referred to your kid as being a 'perfect weight'. Sounds like you're definitely the competitive one.

To be honest I only see pretentious meals mentioned on Mumsnet, not real life. I don't know any kid who would eat a mackerel and spinach muffin or whatever it is. I'm fairly laid back on some things, others I'm not, so I agree it's about finding balance. But just remember that most parents are doing their best and just because you do thing one way, doesn't mean their way is wrong.

So often the first post nails it.

Pretentious? moi?

Sample quote from OP:

AIBU for wondering whether it is unhealthy to constantly need to seek reassurance from other people about what is "right"?

I can't move on from low fat curry. Just why?

Surely what each one of us does is up to individual families. What counts I think that we all do our best for our kids - but that comes out in different ways as we're all different people. The mackerel/avocado/spinach thing sounds great though!

Humble brag about what a laid back parent you are but then adding a bunch of rules.

Avocado might have sounded pretentious ten years ago but it’s not hard to prepare, neither is egg, spinach leaves, or pre-made hummus. Not sure hummus is particularly pretentious anymore either, and it’s common in a lot of different parts of the world.

You've given me HOPE. Thank you!!one lot of verbal dioreha was more than enough!!

Mine always ate full fat curry, never ate broccoli and have turned out just fine 👌

Well as long as your curry is low fat....

Most of what's on MN I read and think Yeah right, course you do!

Err, why is your kids food low fat? Fat is not a problem for kids if it's naturally occurring fats.

Sugar and highly processed fats, on the other hand...

All the meals can be attaint from the fridge bar the spinach muffins. I've fed my baby spinach from the start so not to ponce about with that stuff but that's all I disagree with.

I think a lot of parents are pretentious. And actually revel in it. Especially yummy mummies of a certain demographic.

I won't comment on whether the OP is, though.

Agreed @Msloverlover - there are no shades dark enough to protect me from the rays that beam from my children's derrieres.

You should write a book on raising unpretentious geets. Or at least become an unpretentious Insta ma.