Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fed-up of non-drivers seeking lifts?

607 replies

GoldfinchTart · 28/05/2022 12:03

Disclaimer: this post is not about people who for whatever reason — sight problems, epilepsy, disability, poverty etc — cannot drive. It's about people who could learn to drive but don't want to.

Earlier this week I had a knock at the door and it was a couple asking if I could lend them some gardening equipment. They're in the process of buying a property a few doors along from me. It's a probate sale and it's taking ages, so they'd come down (with the vendors' permission) to start tidying up the garden which has become quite overgrown. They wanted a rake and a spade and loppers 'Because it's difficult to carry a rake on the train'. I invited them in and made them tea while I went to unlock the shed and find the tools. Turns out neither of them drive. He has a licence but found driving stressful and she prefers to be driven.

Our houses are a half-mile walk to a bus stop which isn't much fun when it's pouring with rain. I raised an eyebrow and asked if they cycle? Electric bikes are getting popular around here. We're 11 hilly miles from the nearest major town for shopping and transport links. No, they don't cycle. Long silence. I said that was a pity: taxis were very expensive because they had to come out from the town. She said that they have very nice neighbours where they currently live and they help out with lifts. Apparently the nice neighbours had run these two to the station that morning and would pick them up on their return. And then she asked 'I don't suppose you'd be going into town around 4pm, would you?' Fortunately I had a full afternoon's zoom meeting booked and showed them my diary. My partner and I try to be good neighbours but surely this was a very large red flag?

Next week I'm going to a book festival. I'm going in the camper van my partner and I share. A friend who doesn't drive is coming by train and will be travelling with a tent and camping gear. We arranged that I would be at Hereford station to pick her and her gear up at a certain time. It was planned to give us time to drive to the festival campsite and then for me to go and attend one of the events, which I've booked and paid for in advance. Today she's contacted me to say that she can't get anyone to give her a lift to the station at her end in order to catch the train required. Someone can give her a lift later to the station later in the morning, so she'll be arriving in Hereford two hours later than planned. She still expects me to pick her up from Hereford. I've told her she'll have to catch the bus from Hereford and she's responded that she has far too much gear to get on a bus. She fancies herself as a bit of a green crusader, always knocking me and my partner for having two vehicles and yet she's totally dependent on drivers to get her around.

In August my 28-year-old nephew and his girlfriend are coming to stay. They hope to go walking in the area and to visit several out-of-the-way places. They live in London and don't drive. It's become clear while we've been making arrangements that if they're to do half of what they've planned, I'll need to ferry them around almost every day. They're my relatives, they're here for a week and I'll do it without grumbling. But they'd have far more freedom and independence if they learned to drive and could hire a car for a week.

It strikes me that driving is one of those life skills that all eligible adults should be capable of, even if they choose not to own a car. AIBU?

OP posts:
HouseofHolbein · 01/06/2022 19:55

My son is currently having driving lessons. Mostly because he is a trainee painter and decorator and we live semi rurally and getting to sites on the bus is very challenging. His company are paying him quite well and have promised him an increase when he passes his test to help with running a car. As soon as he’s been driving long enough they will give him a company van.

I’m a harsh and poor parent. I expect my children to pay for their own lessons and test etc. I have promised 1k towards a car once they have passed but insurance and upkeep is down to them.

Robinni · 02/06/2022 13:18

We just walked past a £180,000 Lamborghini suv…. DH was impressed… I thought what an incredible waste of money on a depreciating asset…

Just don’t get the importance of cars really. But then I can’t drive due to disability. Grateful for DH driving but happy to have taxis/bus/train etc for the small amount of journeys I need independently… I’d rather have a nicer house/holidays than a car tbh.

As for doggie diarrhoea, have some of these in the house and you are sorted for any eventuality!

www.petsathome.com/shop/en/pets/simple-solution-disposable-dog-diapers?size=xx+large?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=google_shopping&cm_mmc=Google--CPC--%20google_shopping-_-google_shopping&ita=1976&ito=google_shopping&istCompanyId=7255ccad-a1fc-4729-af31-478f79e5071c&istFeedId=385e6b9a-8b03-4076-a8bb-e4737df8549c&istItemId=itxmxrxpi&istBid=tzwt&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=8964965690&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=g&cq_plt=gp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIp8Keq9-O-AIVEZftCh3MbQ38EAQYASABEgKxJvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

BeyondMyWits · 02/06/2022 14:11

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

Anxiety does not count?!?

My anxiety over stuff like driving gave me a heart attack. I no longer drive.

I did learn to drive so I guess in your book I don't count as a leech, even though I will never drive again nor own a car.

AchatAVendre · 02/06/2022 14:19

Robinni We just walked past a £180,000 Lamborghini suv…. DH was impressed… I thought what an incredible waste of money on a depreciating asset…

Could have been bought for investment purposes. Some buyers also buy extremely rare cars and keep them in a garage because they don't lose value and are highly insured. With the price and scarcity of used cars at the moment, its not necessarily the worst thing to spend your money on. I managed to buy a car 2 years ago and sold it recently for £1500 more than I paid for it without doing anything other than maintenance.

But I agree with you on buying average new cars on credit. I don't much like luxury sports cars either - they always look very uncomfortable.

Mary46 · 02/06/2022 14:24

Good if on a bus route but my son has no direct bus to his job so it helps he drives. Makes things bit easier ferry kids to activities food shopping etc. My nephew on site work so his mam was say he couldnt do jobs otherwise if he didnt drive.

Topseyt123 · 02/06/2022 14:25

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

Of course anxiety counts!! It can make people panic and occasionally become very ill behind the wheel.

Idiotic response.

SundayTeatime · 02/06/2022 14:34

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

Of course anxiety counts! People who
are anxious might be dangerous on the roads, as much as those who are overconfident, not to mention the danger to their own health. Most people I know do not have cars. No one leeches off anyone - because no one has a car.

Maverickess · 02/06/2022 14:35

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

Because being a non driver automatically means that that's what you do, the driving license after all doesn't just certify you to drive a car, oh no, it means also that you're capable of arranging your life all by yourself too, there's no possible way that anyone could ever do that without a driving license.
It is the only indicator of independence and capability.
On the other hand it may mean you're not so closed minded to think that everyone is the same and all the things that apply in your life also apply to every single other person.
🤷🏼‍♀️

XenoBitch · 02/06/2022 14:52

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

You clearly have no idea how anxiety can affect people.
Having a panic attack when you are in control of a vehicle can be lethal.

Frazzledmummy123 · 02/06/2022 14:59

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

If someone doesn't drive but doesn't ask you for, or expect you to give them a lift, then please tell me, how does it affect you or give you reason to tell them they SHOULD drive? It doesn't give you a reason so therefore, you are just acting all big and superior...all because you drive. Tragic 🙄

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2022 16:09

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/06/2022 13:23

Medical reasons aside, adults should learn to drive and not leech off others for lists. And no anxiety does not count as a medical reason.

I don't leech off others for lifts, so please tell me exactly why I should learn to drive.

DaisyWaldron · 02/06/2022 16:27

@LuckySantangelo35 would you let your children get into a car if the driver said " You dropped your children off so it's only fair that you drive them home - I wouldn't want to be a leach. I should have them home for six, but I have anxiety and driving can kick off panic attacks and what with the hyperventilating and blurred vision and inability to make rational decisions and muscle tremors and strong chest pain, I'm not the safest driver around, so If I haven't dropped them back by then, just give me a quick call to check I haven't had an accident or had to pull over until the shaking stops".

TreeP0se · 02/06/2022 16:28

@LuckySantangelo35 wow, what a post!

I was offered a lift this week but turned it down.

Who are all these people "leaching" 🙄 lifts?

Frazzledmummy123 · 02/06/2022 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2022 16:54

Another thing I've noticed as a non driver. I often see drivers on here go on about how much more expensive it is to use public transport. Usually used to justify the amount of car journeys they do.

But on this thread a lot of the drivers are going on about how expensive it is to own and run a car and how non drivers don't appreciate how costly it is. Make your minds up!

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 02/06/2022 17:24

Like plenty of people on this thread, I don’t drive because I don’t want to. I had some lessons & decided it wasn’t for me.

So one reason I’ve lived in London for most of my adult life is that I can get anywhere I need to via public transport or taxis. I have plenty of shops within walking distance & I get the tube to work.

People offer lifts occasionally if I’m going further afield & that’s very nice of them but it’s very rare that I can’t get somewhere under my own steam. Even if that means negotiating the local bus system.

Sidisawetlettuce · 02/06/2022 17:56

Haven't RTFT so somebody else may have asked this, but why did you show the new neighbours your diary to prove that you had zoom meetings? Confused If you hadn't would you have given them a lift?? 😮

DdraigGoch · 02/06/2022 22:29

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2022 16:54

Another thing I've noticed as a non driver. I often see drivers on here go on about how much more expensive it is to use public transport. Usually used to justify the amount of car journeys they do.

But on this thread a lot of the drivers are going on about how expensive it is to own and run a car and how non drivers don't appreciate how costly it is. Make your minds up!

Google tells me that the average car costs £3.5k/year to own and run. An annual bus ticket for the whole of Coventry and Nuneaton (a random example I picked on Arriva's app) is £630. Even on rail you'd need to be commuting daily at least an hour's journey time each way to even get to more than £2.5k/year for an annual season ticket. There aren't many people who do that sort of distance every day.

And that's before you've wasted hours of your life looking for a parking space. I had relatives visit this week, and they prefer to drive so obviously I went with them rather than make my own way (though when some shopping was required I turned down the offer of a lift and pedalled into town). The time spent looking for a space meant that it would probably have been as quick to go by bus. I did take them by train to a touristy village though, much more civilised.

CuteOrangeElephant · 02/06/2022 23:19

My cat goes in the bicycle trailer or the cargo bike. In fact special trailers and bikes exist just for ferrying dogs around.

It has the added benefit of just parking outside of the vets door too.

DaisyWaldron · 02/06/2022 23:27

It's also a lot easier to hose down a shitty bike trailer than to clean dog diarrhoea from a car.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2022 14:52

"The time spent looking for a space meant that it would probably have been as quick to go by bus."

Yes, this is a big pain in the arse. I remember being offered a lift on an extremely cold night. The car was parked a mile away!
I've also been on day trips where we've had to decide in advance how long we'll be staying because of the parking tickets. That's much more restrictive than having to follow a train timetable.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2022 14:53

TreeP0se · 02/06/2022 16:28

@LuckySantangelo35 wow, what a post!

I was offered a lift this week but turned it down.

Who are all these people "leaching" 🙄 lifts?

I regularly turn down lifts. I'm offered them when I'm only a 15 minute walk from home by car-mad people.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2022 14:55

"I often see drivers on here go on about how much more expensive it is to use public transport. Usually used to justify the amount of car journeys they do."

Those people are probably comparing the cost of a journey to the cost of petrol split by the number of people in the car, but not counting the cost of the car, insurance, maintenance, etc. And for a new driver, add the cost of lessons.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2022 15:04

"Even jobs where you don’t have to be able to read"

I doubt there are any jobs in the UK these days where you don't need to be able to read. You'd have to be able to read a note left for you, for example.
I agree it's a totally stupid comparison.

Swipe left for the next trending thread