Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fed-up of non-drivers seeking lifts?

607 replies

GoldfinchTart · 28/05/2022 12:03

Disclaimer: this post is not about people who for whatever reason — sight problems, epilepsy, disability, poverty etc — cannot drive. It's about people who could learn to drive but don't want to.

Earlier this week I had a knock at the door and it was a couple asking if I could lend them some gardening equipment. They're in the process of buying a property a few doors along from me. It's a probate sale and it's taking ages, so they'd come down (with the vendors' permission) to start tidying up the garden which has become quite overgrown. They wanted a rake and a spade and loppers 'Because it's difficult to carry a rake on the train'. I invited them in and made them tea while I went to unlock the shed and find the tools. Turns out neither of them drive. He has a licence but found driving stressful and she prefers to be driven.

Our houses are a half-mile walk to a bus stop which isn't much fun when it's pouring with rain. I raised an eyebrow and asked if they cycle? Electric bikes are getting popular around here. We're 11 hilly miles from the nearest major town for shopping and transport links. No, they don't cycle. Long silence. I said that was a pity: taxis were very expensive because they had to come out from the town. She said that they have very nice neighbours where they currently live and they help out with lifts. Apparently the nice neighbours had run these two to the station that morning and would pick them up on their return. And then she asked 'I don't suppose you'd be going into town around 4pm, would you?' Fortunately I had a full afternoon's zoom meeting booked and showed them my diary. My partner and I try to be good neighbours but surely this was a very large red flag?

Next week I'm going to a book festival. I'm going in the camper van my partner and I share. A friend who doesn't drive is coming by train and will be travelling with a tent and camping gear. We arranged that I would be at Hereford station to pick her and her gear up at a certain time. It was planned to give us time to drive to the festival campsite and then for me to go and attend one of the events, which I've booked and paid for in advance. Today she's contacted me to say that she can't get anyone to give her a lift to the station at her end in order to catch the train required. Someone can give her a lift later to the station later in the morning, so she'll be arriving in Hereford two hours later than planned. She still expects me to pick her up from Hereford. I've told her she'll have to catch the bus from Hereford and she's responded that she has far too much gear to get on a bus. She fancies herself as a bit of a green crusader, always knocking me and my partner for having two vehicles and yet she's totally dependent on drivers to get her around.

In August my 28-year-old nephew and his girlfriend are coming to stay. They hope to go walking in the area and to visit several out-of-the-way places. They live in London and don't drive. It's become clear while we've been making arrangements that if they're to do half of what they've planned, I'll need to ferry them around almost every day. They're my relatives, they're here for a week and I'll do it without grumbling. But they'd have far more freedom and independence if they learned to drive and could hire a car for a week.

It strikes me that driving is one of those life skills that all eligible adults should be capable of, even if they choose not to own a car. AIBU?

OP posts:
JubileeTrifle · 30/11/2022 12:32

I don’t mind giving lifts at all. Myself and other car driving friends make a point of only taking one car places as much as possible as well.
If I’m going somewhere or if someone is stuck im happy to have them in my car.

The difference is the people who think you are some kind of free taxi service ready to drive them about. It’s not just about cost, it’s time as well. There was a mum at primary who assumed because you had a car you would want to drive her places all day because it would be nice to shop there, she used to message me at work asking if I was going to Tescos.
DH gave her a lift to work one day as he was dropping DD off at school and was on his way. She asked if was going to come back and pick her up 2 hours later. She seemed confused by the idea he would be in work (and he wouldn’t do it anyway). It’s only 10 minutes up the road but she wouldn’t walk it either.

Wrinklydinkly · 30/11/2022 12:57

Well done for persevering. Im too old to try again now, going through menopause has not sharpened me up much .

xJ0y · 30/11/2022 13:04

The planet doesn't need more cars on the roads. But I find public transport is usually improving not disimproving. There are new routes, better apps, more buses per hour, it's all moving in the right direction. 15 years ago the buses weren't as good and 35 years ago when I was at school, omg.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/11/2022 13:07

Momicrone · 28/05/2022 12:34

Chickychoc, learning to drive doesn't mean you need 2 cars, just share the one surely

It's one of the reasons (cost was also a big factor) that I've not learnt. Pre-Covid my husband drove to work, while I walked and/or got the bus depending on weather and the time of year.

I'd never have been able to use the car, as he often worked weekends or until late evening, so I'd never have got the practise to feel confident enough to drive when us sharing the driving on a longer journey would have been useful.

Since then he's been made redundant, I'm wfh and the drop in income plus cost of living increases means there is no way at all I have the money to learn to drive, or fill the car with diesel to drive it anywhere. And general peri-menopausal anxiety, imposter syndrome and stress and lack of sleep because of DS (suspected ASD, waiting for assessment) means I don't feel capable atm - I'm currently finding it difficult just to choose which loaf of bread to buy, or what type of jam.

Soilsister · 30/11/2022 13:23

I am kind of stuck in the middle in a no-win situation. I can't drive and can't afford lessons or indeed to run a car if I could. My sister drives and while I just use public transport or my feet! I always get the " why didn't you ask for a lift, you're just trying to make me feel bad that you won't ask me to help, I will always give you a lift stop being so difficult" ok so I ask if she could possibly pick me up from a hospital appointment in a couple of weeks, this leads to "well I don't know what I'll be doing I might not feel like it, I might be tired, I might get invited to do something else" I replied that was fine if that happened I would just get a taxi" revert to "you're just making me feel bad, I'm not a taxi service you know" so I get the bus, restart at until one of us leaves the planet!!

FerretInAFrock · 30/11/2022 13:36

@GoldfinchTart, I know this zombie thread has been resurrected, but have the cheeky couple moved in yet and if so have you managed to swerve being their free chauffeur service?

dcthatsme · 30/11/2022 16:42

Cadging lifts and not contributing towards petrol or giving the driver a treat or a gift is like endlessly borrowing stuff and not giving back. It costs £1000s per year to run a car so if people have to take the odd cab or pay for petrol they're still saving masses of ££ by not running a car.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page