Is anyone else slightly disappointed their DC didn’t turn out to be quite as amazing as I thought they were when they were little?

[meanmama]

DS was naturally very academically advanced at an early age. He basically taught himself to read, was years ahead of the rest of the class in maths, drew pictures like a 7 year old at age 3, wrote chapter books with punctuation in reception, learnt musical instruments with ease. You name it, he could do it. This was completely without any pushing from myself or DH - we have another DC who is much more academically ‘normal’ and have treated them both the same.
I couldn’t help but have extremely high hopes and dreams for DS who is now 16. But although he’s still very bright he’s also quite lazy so achieves above average but nothing like when he was little. I sometimes wonder if I should have been more pushy about made sure he pushed himself but I’m just not that type of parent.
I feel bad for feeling like this, I know IABU and obviously I do massively appreciate the fact that DS is doing pretty well academically, has lots of friends a good social life and is happy. But part of me can’t help but feel just a bit disappointed that he didn’t grow up to be the genius I thought he would.

Would you really want him to be an actual genius though? Being so different from everyone else would bring it’s own problems.

If he’s above average academically, he’ll have loads of career options so what more could you want for him?

YABU your son was a happy normal child, and now he sounds like a happy normal teenager, just starting out in life really. Who nos what he will do but if all he does is remain happy and healthy then you are one very lucky person indeed. What do you need him to be a genius for? You can’t be disappointed he’s not a more motivated when you aren’t the pushy motivating type either, it’s not his job to achieve more or do ‘better’ than you. Just enjoy watching him grow up OP!

My cleverest child, so academically gifted, has become a roofer. He loves the danger, the physical toil, and working out on top of the world.
It's disappointing for me, but he's doing so well, and he is happy.

No, my son has ASD and a learning difficulty.
He was amazing when he was little, he is amazing now

I don’t understand what’s disappointing? Happy and doing so well… poor you.

I was academically ahead by miles in primary, a straight A student in secondary but distinctly average at uni. It’s just how I am. Due to my experience I think it’s very dangerous to expect “gifted” primary age children to always be ahead.

I feel so very sorry for your son. He sounds lovely and you're very lucky.

No I'm not disappointed even though he decided that school wasn't for him, refused to do Alevels and went to collage to do electrical installation then got an apprenticeship.

He's doing very well and was far happier learning a trade than he would have Bern doing Alevels

I think this is fairly common, that kids that read and write at 3 (etc) don’t necessarily go on to be much different later in their teenage years. He sounds bright and happy and hopefully will have lots of options with what he does with his life, I would be very happy if I were you!

Op have a look on the teens thread and you will get some perspective. So so many parents across the UK have horrific situations with teens who are either incredibly rude and aggressive or teens suffering enormous mental health problems.

We have unprecedented levels of self harming and anxieties among teens.

You have a happy balanced child who is succeeding both at school and socially
Literally what more could you want.

You have done a great job !

I have a friend who went to Eton who is now a manual worker and much happier than a lot of his banker peers

Absolutely not, they are marvellous.
Look at DH and then myself and think what were the odds that we two could produce the loveliest pair of human beings in the universe?
But there it is, just lucky I guess.

My son was a happy little soul. Bright and friendly as sunshine.

At 28 he’s suffered 2 bouts of depression. I’m saddened rather than disappointed. I wouldn’t have predicted it when he was little.

Yep. Possibly looking at a DS who may have ADHD. Life much more stressful than we ever imagined. You don't see that when carrying a wee baby home from hospital....

Op you're gonna get flamed here but I do understand where you're coming from

My middle DC walked early, talked early, was off the scale academically in primary

He's just dropped out of 6th form to do an apprenticeship which I'm really excited about for him because he's spent most of the last year lying in bed vaping 🙄

But I did have high hopes for him, however I'm happy he's going to be working

I got it the right way round for my parents. Struggled at school, did pretty badly in exams. Didn't give much of a shit. Got c's and d's at A levels, but a University let me in. At that point I decided to do some work as I felt it was now or never.

I understand you, OP. I have an extremely gifted relative, and I know his parents will be disappointed if he doesn't fulfill his potential.

It's not a straight choice between being successful (depending on your definition of successful) or being happy. They are not mutually exclusive. It's perfectly possible to be both.

This post really did make me want to throw up in my mouth a bit – and that's speaking as an adult who was one of 'those' children.

How much higher should your hopes be than a bright, happy, sociable teenager? Or were you hoping for a performing sea lion who would make you feel special by proxy?

YAB extremely U.

the biggest gift you can give your children is for you to be happy, content, fulfilled, IRRESPECTIVE of what they do or don’t do.

That’s unconditional love.

My mum made it very clear just how important to her it was that I was cleverer than the rest, harder working than the rest, higher achieving than the rest. That I was a credit to her and lived up to her expectations (not mine - I never had the chance to work out what mine were, I was so busy trying to live up to hers).

So disengage. Step back. Drop the expectations. Focus on your own life and let him work his own out.

I'd never say it out loud but my DS though not as gifted as yours sounds was definitely OxBridge material at 12 or 13 but then hormones, gaming and not being bothered kicked in. He is now at uni but facing getting kicked out if he fails his retakes. I was worried he's not fulfilling his potential but he doesn't really speak to me any more (due to unrelated and unexplained lockdown issues) and that has been far more heart breaking.

My ' gifted and talented' primary school DD completely fell apart acedemically at secondary school, tried to do A levels in lockdown, was diagnosed with ADHD just after and now medicated is going to Uni in September. I am proud that she achieved as much as she did with untreated ADHD. I think her amazing ADHD brain was misinterpreted at primary.

I completely see what your trying to say. What other PP aren’t understanding is that it’s not your disappointed at how your DC has turned out, your just disappointed seeing the potential in your child and seeing them not taking it. A completely normal feeling, but there’s nothing you could (should) do to force him now or when he was younger.

@hitrewind what a bitchy post
Is there any need really?

I agree with others...OP count your blessings!

My son has so much promise, but as soon as hormones kicked in and lockdown resulted in mediocre results.

He's happy, healthy and funny and does what he needs to at college.

I do think it's a win that he is enjoying his life and no longer feel disappointed.