Is anyone else slightly disappointed their DC didn’t turn out to be quite as amazing as I thought they were when they were little?

[meanmama]

DS was naturally very academically advanced at an early age. He basically taught himself to read, was years ahead of the rest of the class in maths, drew pictures like a 7 year old at age 3, wrote chapter books with punctuation in reception, learnt musical instruments with ease. You name it, he could do it. This was completely without any pushing from myself or DH - we have another DC who is much more academically ‘normal’ and have treated them both the same.
I couldn’t help but have extremely high hopes and dreams for DS who is now 16. But although he’s still very bright he’s also quite lazy so achieves above average but nothing like when he was little. I sometimes wonder if I should have been more pushy about made sure he pushed himself but I’m just not that type of parent.
I feel bad for feeling like this, I know IABU and obviously I do massively appreciate the fact that DS is doing pretty well academically, has lots of friends a good social life and is happy. But part of me can’t help but feel just a bit disappointed that he didn’t grow up to be the genius I thought he would.

Yep just chucked in Uni after five years - just weeks before graduation 👩‍🎓
Disappointed doesn't even cover it.

You’ve a happy and healthy teenage son who is pleasant to be around and doing well in school. What’s to be disappointed about? Grow up and get a grip. If you want the glory of being a genius or a high achiever then YOU achieve something amazing and let your kid be happy living a normal and productive life.

I work with disabled children. Do you know how ungrateful you are Maybe you need to step outside your bubble and realise what's going on in the world. The real world

I only ever hoped my children would be happy, which they seem to be, so no in answer to your question OP. They are kind, considerate, confident, imaginative, determined etc. I just encourage them to try to create a life for themselves that is meaningful to them and to think carefully about the choices they make. Fingers crossed!

I think my family were probably a bit disappointed with me. They thought I'd be an author. I was ahead in English by years. Was reading chapter books without pictures by reception (or infants as it used to be called) and probably because I read so much, my spelling and vocabulary were fantastic.

I turned out to be perfectly ordinary, not gifted in the slightest. Certainly not in maths.

Yes. Reading by the end of nursery, went to the year above for some lessons during infants. Now aged 13 and is Mr Average. I wish he had continued to excel. (And I really wish I didn’t need to nag re homework).

DS2 is incredible, with some of these early “gifted” traits in terms of reading, numbers etc.

But with my hand on heart - and especially in the light of a recent, heartbreaking thread on here - the only thing I truly wish for him in life is that he’s happy. If he’s happy I would not be disappointed, irrespective of any of his other achievements.

I have 2 highly intelligent DC, both with ASD/ADHD. One was sent to all the prospective Oxbridge student groups at uni but ended up having a breakdown and way underachieving. Now happily working in care. The other was known as the "naughty" kid at school who nobody expected anything of until they got an EHCP & suddenly were able to learn. Currently in final year of a degree (studied online) and on for a first. I couldn't be prouder of both of them.

'Child prodigy syndrome' is a known issue. Essentially it's depression and apathy that can set in when everyone else catches up as they grow older and the child is no longer exceptional or special because they can do calculus or write poems or whatever. Perhaps your DS has reached that stage?

My DS 14 is bright but since covid he's results have dropped by two levels . I'm not disappointed but I do feel frustration because I know he has the potential and opportunities to do so much better than he does. He has just come home with his year 10 PPE results and he's results are not great which I put mostly down to covid but I also know he just isn't competitive and too laid back.

what a bitchy post
Is there any need really?

Yes

I get you, OP. My amazing self taught reader and brilliant mathematician just learnt that he didn’t really need to work that hard, which was fine until exams came along. He’s still lovely to me of course and will do fine in life. Conversely, my poor reader who had speech therapy and had to work hard to compete with his friends ended up doing really well due to his good work ethic.

I also have another DS with SN, but I’m allowed to worry about my other children as well, so stop with the mean comment to the OP.

Thanks for the perspective. I know I am incredibly lucky and am very proud of the lovely boy he is. It’s just slightly jarring to know he absolutely could be excelling academically still as he gets good grades without the minimum effort. He is happy, healthy and has friends so actually what more could I want?
You’re absolutely right that it probably is too early to say how things will turn out. My DH didn’t work hard at school, got a mediocre degree but eventually in his 30s decided to apply himself and is now incredibly successful. Maybe DS will follow in his footsteps.
Glad I started this thread as it’s given me a reality check.

@Josephsrose if he's a good roofer he will be snapped up! So many cowboys out there!

If he's clever he will use his skills to develop a good thriving business. Academia isn't everything. He could earn very good money and be happy. As long as he is decent and kind and a solid worker he will go far in my eyes. I'd be very proud of him. And I'm an academic myself as was my first husband, their dad.

I’ve been a primary school teacher for 25 years. The children who I taught in my early years are now in their early to middle 30s. My experience has shown me that the vast majority of those children who shone at school academically or were gifted in the arts or sport have quite ordinary jobs and lives now (absolutely nothing wrong with that - my life is very ordinary and I love it!).

Very few people go on to live extraordinary lives and, although we should encourage children to reach high and focus on doing something they love, teachers and parents should share with children the joy and satisfaction of living an ordinary, happy and comfortable life.

I know so many pushy parents who are convinced that their children are going to be stars that it must be hugely disappointing and dissatisfying for both the parents and the children when it doesn’t happen.

You have hit the nail right on the head!

As a secondary English teacher this thread doesn't surprise me. The amount of parents I've had come to see me all guns blazing over the years is ridiculous. 'My child was reading at the age of 2'; 'My child has been reading novels since the age of 6'; 'My child has a GIFT for creative writing...' and so on and on, usually in response to their child not being placed in the top set, or getting a lower than expected mark in an assessment or generally struggling in secondary after thriving at primary school. I have my own DC now and my oldest has started reception - I'm determined to take all feedback with a hefty pinch of salt. Everything can change very quickly in the teenage years! Incidentally, I was an early reader, "gifted & talented", top of the top sets, straight As and I'm now a perfectly average teacher and mum.

Annoying autocorrect. Wish we could edit! *His

Sorry, when I say no longer special I know he will always be special in the eyes of his loved ones.

I'm so proud of mine, I try and tell them to follow their own paths manage themselves. I just want them to be happy and not compare themselves to others.

There's so much that can change in a blink of an eye. I've learnt happy and healthy is the greatest success to ever want for your child.

I wish I had a pound for every mother who’ve told me a similar story. I know loads of people whose (usually first child) bright spark fell short of their potential and the somewhat overlooked subsequent child went on to do really well. It’s an interesting common occurrence in my view.

I agree.

I

What sort of grades is he getting?

You could be describing my DD (now almost 23) but I feel the opposite to you. I'm massively relieved she isn't a genius overachiever and is instead bright, funny, lazy, medicated and able to score above average without any real effort. Sure, it'd be lovely to have her end up mega rich and able to give me a jetset lifestyle but to me, the fact she's here, relatively happy and tells me her secrets is massively more important.

I admire your bravery. My DS1 turns 30 this year. He wasn’t a prodigy but was a good all rounder and did well at school until 14.

He didn’t do anything awful ( no crime , drugs etc ) but he did stop trying and eventually left school with no qualifications.

He has never not worked but always in low paid hospitality jobs. He has no savings or chance of a mortgage. But he is also debt free which is great.

On the other hand he is a marvellous son- kind, loyal ,empathetic.

His dad and I both wish he had some qualifications - academic or vocational- to his name . He hasn’t fully achieved his potential .