To expect DH to spend some of inheritance on the family

[BerylFeatures]

DH's mum died a couple of years ago and he got £100,000 inheritance.

As far as I'm aware he's got it in his bank account and and not spent any of it.

We're not short of money but we're not well off either.

I was expecting him to at least take us on holiday but he hasn't mentioned it.

If you received an inheritance would you share it with your family?

I think you're being quite selfish and coming across as greedy. It's not like your husband won the lottery, he got the money as a result of a parent dying. If he doesn't want to do anything with it, it's none of your business.

To answer the original question, absolutely. I stand to inherit a very large amount some day as my family are wealthy and have made no secret that they wish to pass it down. I honestly don’t think about it very much - I’m fairly independent, left home at 18, earn a decent wage anyway and we bought our house with no help etc. I’m not waiting on any windfall or depending on the promise of it. As far as I’m concerned it’s their money to do with as they see fit and if they decide some day it’s all to go to charity instead, I would 100% support and respect their decision.

If it comes to me, it won’t be my money but my family’s money. I couldn’t fathom not sharing it with my wife and son.

If I received any inheritance then I would share it with my family. My Mum died 18 months ago and I got £1000 and that was the loan my sister owed her and my step dad - he said she could give it to me rather than paying it back to him. When my Step dad dies I'll get a share of the house. But if my husband received inheritance I wouldn't expect him to share it out with everyone as it would have been given to him. Depending on how much it was he probably would though.

I received about £135k in Feb - completely unexpected from a relative I saw only once in the last 25 years - not married, no kids. I opened a current account in my wife's name and put £40k in it, did the same for myself, put £30k in our joint account, gave £10k to my daughter (who left uni 2 years ago), added £4k to make up for a shortfall in NI contributions, gave £1k to DEC for Ukraine, still a few £k left - not sure what to do with that. I have bought only 1 thing - replaced a 7 year old Win7 laptop with a new one for £1700. TBH - I have never lived my life thinking about what to spend money on - we paid the mortgage off very early - I really don't have any ideas or plans what to do with the money - why would I? - it's something I've never done before - it's a bit of security for what looks like an uncertain future for all of us. On a day to day basis - I just don't think about it. My £35 second hand 15 year old lawnmower broke - so I could replace it without thinking about how much it was costing - it was a cheap cordless Makita one.

Everyone's situation in life is unique - without me explaining the full picture of my life, relationship, my family, my childhood, the problems we have all faced together - most people reading this wouldn't really understand what I have done or why - you can't compare your situation with mine. We have always had one joint account, nothing gets spent/bought without us both thinking it's the right thing - my work bonuses/redundancy payments were never "mine" - they just went in the joint account. My wife is incredibly important to me - she has made my life better. She drives me nuts sometimes, our life and relationship is far from perfect but... there's trust and commitment and that's what matters most.

Blimey when I had an inheritance I bought both my DCs a pressie that I couldn't never afford before. ipad and PS4 and I also took my dd on 2 hot holidays and the rest paid off my mortgage!

It is his choice though under the law so does not really matter what the rest of us might do. Eg he might be keeping it to help the children buy a property and not want to touch it.

Speak to him about it.

you’re not grabby to discuss what the plans are for the money.

he may still be grieving though, so not thinking about it.

My grandfather died in 2000 and my father in 2001. I inherited a nice sum and paid off the mortgage, bought a couple of nice paintings, set aside 4 years of school fees, a couple of nice holidays and the rest went into my nest egg. It was for our joint and mutual comfort.

I'd rather have kept my father but he'd have wanted us to have an easier life than otherwise.

In most cases it is, if it has not been intermingled with the marital assets. If someone puts their inheritance into a joint property, whether it's for the mortgage or to pay for an extension or other improvements then that's it, it's gone into a joint marital asset and the courts start off looking at it as an equal split. You can't "extract" what you put into the house purely because you received it from an inheritance. Inheritance money kept in a separate bank account in your own name is generally viewed as not part of the marital assets.

Of course there are exceptions, because a court makes decisions based on the need of both parties. A wife who had been unable to build a career and earning potential because she had followed her husband's demanding career round the globe or who had looked after their disabled children for most of her working life, or was unable to work herself due to health reasons etc, would have more of an argument for being able to claim for some of her husband's inheritance, because it's based on need. If the only savings were the inheritance money in his name in his own account, a court wouldn't just give her half the value of the house and nothing else.

So no, it's not that inheritance is ringfenced in EVERY marital situation, I agree, but you would have to prove to a court that you had a right to some of your spouse's inheritance based on your need and because the financial need was greater than could be awarded from the marital assets alone.

Ah, right. Fair enough.

The fact that he doesn’t seem to want to spend it currently doesn’t mean he thinks it shouldn’t be shared with his family though. Maybe he wants it sent aside for the future, moving house, the children going to uni, an unexpected incident…

I really don't see what's wrong with saying to him "Have you thought about what you're going to do with your inheritance?" It's the emphasis on YOU and YOUR that implies you understand it's his decision on what to do with the inheritance. How could he take offence at that? It would be completely wrong to say "So what shall we do with your inheritance then?" so definitely don't broach it that way!

Yes I would expect my partner too, I would absolutely share the money with my family. I’d probably keep a bit for myself and have a splurge, but the majority would go on the family/savings for everyone/the house. It’s incredibly mean spirited to hoard that kind of money away from your kids/partner/spouse.

When DMil died and left him and his brothers each 250k DH was furious that his parents had lived very frugally and not enjoyed their money. He was brought up to provide for himself and couldn't believe they had gone without things which could've improved their quality of life eg private knee surgery. It took a while for him to process it all. Eventually we bought a tiny rental flat and had a holiday.
Bide your time, it's his choice.

Probate takes a long time

It doesn't for the majority of people, it only takes time when there are many assets or complicated tax implications.

It took 2 weeks for MILs estate to be settled because it was just her property and her bank account, nice and simple.

I’d absolutely ask what he plans to do with it though, it’s not unreasonable to ask him. Someone else made a good point that if he’s grieving still it may just not be something he’s thought much about.

Maybe it's just too soon for him to do anything fun with money he got from a bereavement. Some people struggle for a long time with this.
Personally, I think the one's booking holidays, buying flash cars etc, as soon as the money hits their account are far odder.

This!

DH inherited 5k which I assumed was joint money - I suggested what we should spend it on. He got very uppity and pointed out it wasn’t my money. He was right, but I pointed out that when I’d inherited more than that I’d automatically put it into our joint money, and would expect him to do the same (he bought himself something he wanted for a few hundred, which was fine, then the rest became family money). He ended up agreeing with me and saying he hadn’t seen it like that (yet he’d had no qualms about me sharing what I’d inherited!). I think it’s just different outlooks but I’d find it odd not to share.

DH will inherit around €200/250K this year. His mum is undergoing palliative care and will not last a year. She is 90 and has had a wonderful life and DH & his brother have been amazing support to her. DH sister is dec'd but the brothers have agreed that 1/3 of the inheritance will be split between her two children. It's the right thing to do

Regarding the €€€, DH will use it for some home improvements (we are mortgage free) and invest a portion/put a portion into his pension. He will put €50K into savings for our children to help them on the property ladder when they are a bit older.

I'm not sure I would share with DH. I would put some in my pension so I can retire early and invest some for DC first houses.

Inheritance tax threshold hasn't gone up in line with property prices, though. For many estates, the property will drive it up past the inheritance tax threshold of £325k and then it will take much longer than 2 weeks.

I'm not sure there is any agreement to make between the brothers, regarding doing the right thing by their sister's children. The sister's children are entitled to it anyway, I think? Depends on the wording of the will, though, if there was any specific clauses in it.

Will was made while sister was still alive, the wording doesn't cover the event of he passing. And MIL developed Alzheimer's so it can't be changed.

Oh no. There's no individuals in families. It would absolutely be shared no question about it in our house