Page 11 | To expect DH to spend some of inheritance on the family

BerylFeatures · 2022-05-26T17:02:10+00:00

DH's mum died a couple of years ago and he got £100,000 inheritance. As far as I'm aware he's got it in his bank account and and not spent any of it. We're not short of money but we're not well off either. I was expecting him to at least take us on holiday but he hasn't mentioned it. If you received an inheritance would you share it with your family?

mynameisbiggles · 28/05/2022 09:19

Sounds like a selfish, ignorant twat to me. Tell him to sling his hook and take half of everything.

Quincythequince · 28/05/2022 10:15

mynameisbiggles · 28/05/2022 09:19

Sounds like a selfish, ignorant twat to me. Tell him to sling his hook and take half of everything.

😆

ConsuelaHammock · 28/05/2022 10:23

I think he’s being very sensible putting it in the bank. My husband received a cheque for £25 k from his mum when she inherited. ( as did his siblings )
He put it in the bank. We have two children who haven’t finished their education. I’m sure there will be more worthy things to spend that 25k on some day than a holiday.
Save up for a holiday if you want one so desperately? Money doesn’t have to be spent as soon as you get it.

bcc89 · 28/05/2022 11:49

I was with you until you said you wanted a holiday. He will probably still be grieving his mum and I would understand needing the discussion about shared finances/house bits that need doing, but expecting a holiday does sound grabby to me, sorry. That's his dead mother's money.

DctrGonzo · 28/05/2022 16:49

This is next level greed. From you, not him. It's his inheritance.

I GUARANTEE most of the females on here would hoard their money saying it was theirs, or side with the female if the roles were reversed.

I've seen the same type of post/story where it's a woman getting the inheritance and not sharing, and people are praising her for keeping it separate, saying things like "you do you, girl, that was your family and your inheritance, not his, stay strong and don't give him a cent/use a cent on him".

Disgusting female double standards and hypocrisy in the world today. It's sickening.

It's also funny that a lot of females will say things like "I split/I'd split". Lmao no you fn wouldn't. They claim the household is 50/50, then you ask what they do and they're a stay at home mom. 🙄🙄.

Of course you'll claim some moral high road when it's hypothetical money, but as soon as you actually get it you'll change your tunes and get selfish and nasty.

You can't help it, it's just the self absorbed nature of females these days. Do as I say, not as I do. It's so hypocritical, yet 99% of women will do it willingly and uncaringly. Give it a rest, girls, you're not fooling anybody. He doesn't have to share a dime.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 28/05/2022 17:05

One hope's he's taking his time and is carefully working out what to do with it.

Depending on your circumstances he should spread it around.

Singinghollybob · 28/05/2022 17:10

I don't think you'd look grabby asking about an inheritance that he received a couple of years ago.
I can't imagine that happening in our relationship, if either of us received an inheritance we'd discuss it and agree what to spend it.

Burgoo · 28/05/2022 17:11

If you aren't talking openly about this then I suspect there's more issues in the relationship than the OP cares to admit (I may be wrong).

As for me and my wife, if she inherited a huge sum of money then its hers to do what she likes with. Its none of my business what she has in her account and vice versa. We are open about what each other have but there is absolutely no expectation that she spend money on the family other than the usual (bills etc).

As for joint accounts, I'd avoid them like the plague. I've seen a few people wiped out as their partner left, taking the cash.

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/05/2022 17:11

Do you not share finances? If you do then it’s family money and fine to discuss it. I would because you want to invest most of it, not just leave it sitting there.

Unless he has form as a skinflint then I’d assume he just hasn’t got to processing it.

Do bring it up. It needs to be properly invested.

saddowizca · 28/05/2022 17:57

DctrGonzo · 28/05/2022 16:49

This is next level greed. From you, not him. It's his inheritance.

I GUARANTEE most of the females on here would hoard their money saying it was theirs, or side with the female if the roles were reversed.

I've seen the same type of post/story where it's a woman getting the inheritance and not sharing, and people are praising her for keeping it separate, saying things like "you do you, girl, that was your family and your inheritance, not his, stay strong and don't give him a cent/use a cent on him".

Disgusting female double standards and hypocrisy in the world today. It's sickening.

It's also funny that a lot of females will say things like "I split/I'd split". Lmao no you fn wouldn't. They claim the household is 50/50, then you ask what they do and they're a stay at home mom. 🙄🙄.

Of course you'll claim some moral high road when it's hypothetical money, but as soon as you actually get it you'll change your tunes and get selfish and nasty.

You can't help it, it's just the self absorbed nature of females these days. Do as I say, not as I do. It's so hypocritical, yet 99% of women will do it willingly and uncaringly. Give it a rest, girls, you're not fooling anybody. He doesn't have to share a dime.

So much anger - blimey.

Blarting · 28/05/2022 18:02

DctrGonzo · 28/05/2022 16:49

This is next level greed. From you, not him. It's his inheritance.

I GUARANTEE most of the females on here would hoard their money saying it was theirs, or side with the female if the roles were reversed.

I've seen the same type of post/story where it's a woman getting the inheritance and not sharing, and people are praising her for keeping it separate, saying things like "you do you, girl, that was your family and your inheritance, not his, stay strong and don't give him a cent/use a cent on him".

Disgusting female double standards and hypocrisy in the world today. It's sickening.

It's also funny that a lot of females will say things like "I split/I'd split". Lmao no you fn wouldn't. They claim the household is 50/50, then you ask what they do and they're a stay at home mom. 🙄🙄.

Of course you'll claim some moral high road when it's hypothetical money, but as soon as you actually get it you'll change your tunes and get selfish and nasty.

You can't help it, it's just the self absorbed nature of females these days. Do as I say, not as I do. It's so hypocritical, yet 99% of women will do it willingly and uncaringly. Give it a rest, girls, you're not fooling anybody. He doesn't have to share a dime.

I'm all for equality both ways, but fucking hell you've got some anger issues going on there!

Bintymcbintface · 28/05/2022 19:12

DctrGonzo · 28/05/2022 16:49

This is next level greed. From you, not him. It's his inheritance.

I GUARANTEE most of the females on here would hoard their money saying it was theirs, or side with the female if the roles were reversed.

I've seen the same type of post/story where it's a woman getting the inheritance and not sharing, and people are praising her for keeping it separate, saying things like "you do you, girl, that was your family and your inheritance, not his, stay strong and don't give him a cent/use a cent on him".

Disgusting female double standards and hypocrisy in the world today. It's sickening.

It's also funny that a lot of females will say things like "I split/I'd split". Lmao no you fn wouldn't. They claim the household is 50/50, then you ask what they do and they're a stay at home mom. 🙄🙄.

Of course you'll claim some moral high road when it's hypothetical money, but as soon as you actually get it you'll change your tunes and get selfish and nasty.

You can't help it, it's just the self absorbed nature of females these days. Do as I say, not as I do. It's so hypocritical, yet 99% of women will do it willingly and uncaringly. Give it a rest, girls, you're not fooling anybody. He doesn't have to share a dime.

I'm a woman and I agree with you. I've seen other posts where woman posts about an inheritance they received utterly aghast that their DH has suggested ways to spend it, with hoards of people telling her oh no that's yours they get no say. And now we have a reverse situation and everyone's saying "it's family money, talk to him he's being selfish?!" The money was left to HIM not DH and wife... If he wants to leave it sat in an account, fine, if he wants to exchange it to japanese yen and throw it into a river, fine. But no, the only person that has any say in what happens to it is the actual recipient

Misty333 · 28/05/2022 19:19

I would definitely talk to him. I inherited £155,000 and this went straight into our joint account, and later we decided to move into a bigger house which the money allowed us to do. I couldn’t imagine not sharing or discussing what we could do with the money.

NerrSnerr · 28/05/2022 19:27

On all the threads whichever way round you get people on both sides. We would share inheritances in our family as our finances are all shared.

And now we have a reverse situation and everyone's saying "it's family money, talk to him he's being selfish?!"

Have a look through the thread, it's certainly not 'everyone' saying it's shared. Seems a fairly even split.

Fireants · 28/05/2022 19:38

I inherited money from my aunt and it was freedom when I was a stay at home mum with 3 children. I gave my children some money when they were older, paid the deposit on our house and the little rest was mine.

Thefoxsays · 28/05/2022 19:49

I inherited some money after my mum died unexpectedly. I haven't spent one single penny of it & for those saying when their parent dies it will just be money etc it's not. It's very different. It's the last gift you will ever get from them & you feel a responsibility to spend it well. My mum didn't have a lot of money & it didn't feel like a windfall for me when I got it. I was pleased, because I know she would have been happy to help me out financially as she wasnt really able to when she was still here but I still don't consider it my money. If you haven't been in this exact position then you cannot understand the complexities of the emotions you feel. I also think of the money as a gift my mum left me for a rainy day- to make sure I'm alright, certainly not for my partner to benefit from. She was my mum, he still has his mum to help him through life & when he does eventually inherit it is his own parting gift from his family, just for him.

Nanny0gg · 28/05/2022 20:07

DctrGonzo · 28/05/2022 16:49

This is next level greed. From you, not him. It's his inheritance.

I GUARANTEE most of the females on here would hoard their money saying it was theirs, or side with the female if the roles were reversed.

I've seen the same type of post/story where it's a woman getting the inheritance and not sharing, and people are praising her for keeping it separate, saying things like "you do you, girl, that was your family and your inheritance, not his, stay strong and don't give him a cent/use a cent on him".

Disgusting female double standards and hypocrisy in the world today. It's sickening.

It's also funny that a lot of females will say things like "I split/I'd split". Lmao no you fn wouldn't. They claim the household is 50/50, then you ask what they do and they're a stay at home mom. 🙄🙄.

Of course you'll claim some moral high road when it's hypothetical money, but as soon as you actually get it you'll change your tunes and get selfish and nasty.

You can't help it, it's just the self absorbed nature of females these days. Do as I say, not as I do. It's so hypocritical, yet 99% of women will do it willingly and uncaringly. Give it a rest, girls, you're not fooling anybody. He doesn't have to share a dime.

Well I inherited far more than my DH did.

And in both cases money was discussed and joint decisions taken.

All for the benefit of our family

theremustonlybeone · 28/05/2022 20:10

My DH got money from his grandmother on her death. I didnt view it as anything to do with me at all. He did choose to spend it on the family but that was his choice.

123cupcake4 · 28/05/2022 20:19

It depends. Is he saving it In a high interest account? Is he planning on putting towards the mortgage? Saving for kids going to university?

Have you asked him?

I personally would use it to get a mortgage as we probably won't ever get one unless I got an inheritance. Dhs parents and grandparents all passed and we looked after them financially so no inheritance for him. And we depleted our savings on them. This is a cultural thing. My grandmother said she will leave me a small something but it could be a tenner for all I know. And for that I would be grateful. But whatever I get, if I get anything would be spent for the sake of the family. As in our nuclear family. Me, dh and the kids. Not extended family

Quincythequince · 28/05/2022 21:27

DctrGonzo · 28/05/2022 16:49

This is next level greed. From you, not him. It's his inheritance.

I GUARANTEE most of the females on here would hoard their money saying it was theirs, or side with the female if the roles were reversed.

I've seen the same type of post/story where it's a woman getting the inheritance and not sharing, and people are praising her for keeping it separate, saying things like "you do you, girl, that was your family and your inheritance, not his, stay strong and don't give him a cent/use a cent on him".

Disgusting female double standards and hypocrisy in the world today. It's sickening.

It's also funny that a lot of females will say things like "I split/I'd split". Lmao no you fn wouldn't. They claim the household is 50/50, then you ask what they do and they're a stay at home mom. 🙄🙄.

Of course you'll claim some moral high road when it's hypothetical money, but as soon as you actually get it you'll change your tunes and get selfish and nasty.

You can't help it, it's just the self absorbed nature of females these days. Do as I say, not as I do. It's so hypocritical, yet 99% of women will do it willingly and uncaringly. Give it a rest, girls, you're not fooling anybody. He doesn't have to share a dime.

Yeah ok bro!
Whatever you say.
All females must of course be like this 🙄

adlitem · 31/05/2022 14:36

Bintymcbintface · 28/05/2022 19:12

I'm a woman and I agree with you. I've seen other posts where woman posts about an inheritance they received utterly aghast that their DH has suggested ways to spend it, with hoards of people telling her oh no that's yours they get no say. And now we have a reverse situation and everyone's saying "it's family money, talk to him he's being selfish?!" The money was left to HIM not DH and wife... If he wants to leave it sat in an account, fine, if he wants to exchange it to japanese yen and throw it into a river, fine. But no, the only person that has any say in what happens to it is the actual recipient

Show quote history

Generally that's becuase the women is in the more financially vulnerable position (at least as far as I have seen).

That said, I don't think not spending inheritance is selfish or greedy etc, especially when the requested spend is a holiday. For so many reasons already mentioned.

2muchtimeonline · 31/05/2022 14:39

inheritance in our family goes towards the home/ mortgage, so that way everyone benefits. Once the mortage is paid off we'll all have a nicer life