Page 7 | To expect DH to spend some of inheritance on the family

BerylFeatures · 2022-05-26T17:02:10+00:00

DH's mum died a couple of years ago and he got £100,000 inheritance. As far as I'm aware he's got it in his bank account and and not spent any of it. We're not short of money but we're not well off either. I was expecting him to at least take us on holiday but he hasn't mentioned it. If you received an inheritance would you share it with your family?

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 26/05/2022 23:06

LimpBiskit · 26/05/2022 22:57

I've never understood separate money. When I was married, everything was joint as we were a team.

My wife doesn’t want us to put all of our money together, and I am fine with that too. We have a joint account into which we put enough for all of the household / family costs, and then the rest of our money goes into our personal, accounts, to be invested, saved or spent as we like.

It works well for us, and for plenty of other people too, which is all that matters.

worriedatthistime · 26/05/2022 23:07

@WhackingPhoenix I know its very much like that on here

Dancer47 · 26/05/2022 23:08

The money was left to him. Perhaps as his family worked hard all their lives to leave it to him, he doesn't want to spend it on holidays. Perhaps he is keeping it for the hard times ahead. I think it is his money to decide how to spend as it came to him via his family, but I realise no-one will agree with me here.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 26/05/2022 23:11

Seems very odd not to have discussed it. I inherited a smaller but significant amount from a grandparent and discussed it immediately with my husband and it's definitely seen as family money. I'd see it the same if/when he inherits.

PurpleButterflyWings · 26/05/2022 23:11

nokidshere · 26/05/2022 22:03

I couldn't be married to someone who didn't discuss financial matters with me, Regardless of what he wants to do with it.

DH got an inheritance a few years ago, we used it to pay off the mortgage and update stuff in the house (new kitchen etc) so we don't have to downsize in the future. We also gave some to DCs. It was definitely 'ours' and not his, as all our finances have been for the past 40yrs.

I would certainly be unhappy if money was tight and DH was sitting on 100k that, even a small portion of, could make our lives a bit easier or more joyous.

This. ^ I find all the 'it's MY inheritance and I WON'T share it, or even give my husband a PENNY' kind of comments so bizarre. Can't be much of a marriage tbh. Myself AND my DH would absolutely share it, and spend it/enjoy it together. The very idea of just squirrelling it away for myself, and not sharing it with my DH is just awful.

Some people need to re-examine their marriages I think. If you don't want to share your money with your life partner, and you're saying 'well we will probably split anyway,' there is something seriously wrong in your relationship. In fact, you need to rethink whether you should be together at all, because it doesn't sound like much of a partnership.

SlatsandFlaps · 26/05/2022 23:16

OverByYer · 26/05/2022 18:06

That’s so mean.
DH inherited about £40k last year and I tried to persuade him to spend it on himself - nice car, watch etc and he just wouldn’t.
We’ve just bought a static caravan with the money and he is thrilled as it means the whole family get to enjoy it.

Will your DH even discuss it?

That will sadly be worth less than a third of what you paid within a year or two

WallaceinAnderland · 26/05/2022 23:21

How is it possible that neither of you have mentioned this in 2 years. Do you and your DH not talk to each other.

Polyanne · 26/05/2022 23:23

No I wouldn’t expect DH to spend his parents hard earned cash on fripperies like a holiday. They’ve probably worked their whole lives to leave him that sum. Maybe he knows what you’re like - you’ll waste it on unnecessary luxuries like holidays, and that’s why he’s keeping it in his own account so you can’t fritter it away. It’s not an asset of the marriage if he keeps it in his own account, it’s not yours and you can’t touch it.

nokidshere · 27/05/2022 00:27

So here you are, a married or cohabiting couple with a couple of children living payday to payday with nothing left for a few treats and you (all those saying it's his) would be totally happy that he has 100k in the bank and doesn't see the need to use some (or all) of that money to make his family's life happier and less stressful?

Bullshit.

AchatAVendre · 27/05/2022 00:31

Polyanne · 26/05/2022 23:23

No I wouldn’t expect DH to spend his parents hard earned cash on fripperies like a holiday. They’ve probably worked their whole lives to leave him that sum. Maybe he knows what you’re like - you’ll waste it on unnecessary luxuries like holidays, and that’s why he’s keeping it in his own account so you can’t fritter it away. It’s not an asset of the marriage if he keeps it in his own account, it’s not yours and you can’t touch it.

Wow, strict presbyterianism still exists! Fripperies and frittering, eh? Do you avoid enjoying yourself too much on Sundays too?

Blarting · 27/05/2022 05:01

Polyanne · 26/05/2022 23:23

No I wouldn’t expect DH to spend his parents hard earned cash on fripperies like a holiday. They’ve probably worked their whole lives to leave him that sum. Maybe he knows what you’re like - you’ll waste it on unnecessary luxuries like holidays, and that’s why he’s keeping it in his own account so you can’t fritter it away. It’s not an asset of the marriage if he keeps it in his own account, it’s not yours and you can’t touch it.

Crikey! People like this still exist? A holiday is a frippery?

Well I hope when I leave my inheritance (although I intend to give as much away as possible whilst I'm alive), that my DCs are able to spend some on a holiday. I worked my whole life for them to enjoy the inheritance.

ittakes2 · 27/05/2022 06:19

My adored grandfather died over 10 years ago and left me a very small sum - less than £1000 - which I have not yet collected from my mum as I am waiting to put it towards a house. For me it’s the emotional idea of putting his money into my home rather than just spending it. I see inheritance being from a parent / grandparent to a child and I don’t see it as money that a partner should expect to share. It’s much more emotional for me - not like winning the lottery.

Bednobsbroomsticks · 27/05/2022 06:29

My husband got small amount on his mums passing. I thought he would put it to family but he didn't for the longest time. I didn't say anything until one day mentioned maybe she would have liked the grandchildren tobhave some. Left it there. Eventually he gave some to kids and booked a week away for us. He didn't want to spend it. Felt guiktyvthat she should have been enjoying that money. His money from his mum. His choice in the end.

Fairislefandango · 27/05/2022 06:40

No I wouldn’t expect DH to spend his parents hard earned cash on fripperies like a holiday. They’ve probably worked their whole lives to leave him that sum.

What miserable martyrdom. How do you know how hard they worked? Why would you assume they wouldn't have been delighted to think their son would spend some of the money on a nice family holiday? Most people do not have such a sanctimonious attitude to life.

girlmom21 · 27/05/2022 06:40

nokidshere · 27/05/2022 00:27

So here you are, a married or cohabiting couple with a couple of children living payday to payday with nothing left for a few treats and you (all those saying it's his) would be totally happy that he has 100k in the bank and doesn't see the need to use some (or all) of that money to make his family's life happier and less stressful?

Bullshit.

It's doesn't sound like OP is living pay day to pay day tbh.

UserError012345 · 27/05/2022 07:04

In going against the grain. I should say I am not married and don't intend to so my opinion may be influenced by that.

If my parents left me money, it's mine. If my partner was left money, it's his.

I wouldn't be thinking of ways to spend his money and wouldn't expect him to have dibs on mine.

Like I said though, not married.

Swimmingpoolsally · 27/05/2022 07:09

Polyanne · 26/05/2022 23:23

No I wouldn’t expect DH to spend his parents hard earned cash on fripperies like a holiday. They’ve probably worked their whole lives to leave him that sum. Maybe he knows what you’re like - you’ll waste it on unnecessary luxuries like holidays, and that’s why he’s keeping it in his own account so you can’t fritter it away. It’s not an asset of the marriage if he keeps it in his own account, it’s not yours and you can’t touch it.

What a horrible thing to write, what possesses people to attack
like this for no reason?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/05/2022 07:12

I certainly wouldn't be wasting that money on a holiday I'd be investing it for the families future. Maybe discuss it with him.

Blarting · 27/05/2022 07:21

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/05/2022 07:12

I certainly wouldn't be wasting that money on a holiday I'd be investing it for the families future. Maybe discuss it with him.

Is it not possible to do both? I'm sure a holiday won't cost £100k!

Foolsrule · 27/05/2022 07:44

Similar position. Approx £75K into mortgage, £10K Disney holiday, £5K bits and bobs for house, £10K for emergencies.

NerrSnerr · 27/05/2022 08:20

When people talk about wasting money on holidays and saving it for the next generation. Is that what people actually want their parents to do? Not spent their money on themselves? I want my parents to enjoy their money while they can on as many holidays as they want whilst they're able and I hope my children will feel the same in the future.

Blarting · 27/05/2022 08:21

Foolsrule · 27/05/2022 07:44

Similar position. Approx £75K into mortgage, £10K Disney holiday, £5K bits and bobs for house, £10K for emergencies.

How utterly reasonable and perfect! I think you are in the minority on MN! But that looks an excellent spread of savings, investments and enjoyment. I'm sure whilst enjoying your fantastic holiday you thought of the person who made that happen and smiled. If you were my child and I could see that, I'd smile for you as well.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 27/05/2022 08:22

It would go straight into a joint savings account here and we would agree together what to do with it.

OverByYer · 27/05/2022 08:44

SlatsandFlaps · 26/05/2022 23:16

That will sadly be worth less than a third of what you paid within a year or two

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Perfectly aware of that thank you, but it brings us a lot of joy so worth every penny. Not all of us need to ‘make’ money in life , I’d rather enjoy my life.

Wouldyabeguilty · 27/05/2022 17:55

I honestly cannot, for the absolute life of me, understand how couples do not discuss stuff like this. So DH gets £100,000 and puts it in his bank account and it is never spoken about again? WHY have you never brought it up? In TWO years? Absolutely bizarre.