To expect DH to spend some of inheritance on the family

[BerylFeatures]

DH's mum died a couple of years ago and he got £100,000 inheritance.

As far as I'm aware he's got it in his bank account and and not spent any of it.

We're not short of money but we're not well off either.

I was expecting him to at least take us on holiday but he hasn't mentioned it.

If you received an inheritance would you share it with your family?

The will doesn't need to be amended. They'll inherit their mothers share automatically.

My ex inherited a large wedge when we were married and kept it to himself
he had lads nights out, lads holidays, snazzy car, new clothes and hardly spent a penny on me or the home.
I kept quiet
i then had a lottery win of twice the amount of his inheritance so I remained quiet and divorced him. He never got a penny of it
he is now living in a crappy rented flat without a pot to piss in 😄

@Scoobydoobydo I like your style

Our parents are elderly I.e in their 80s.
My husband is now an only child as his sister died over 20 years ago so he is the sole beneficiary of his parents estate, valued at around £600k. I will get a 1/4 of my mums estate valued at around £400k, so my share around £100k. All will go into a joint pot. Our money has always been shared. Our plan is to give our 2 boys around £200k each and the rest will be spent on ourselves for home improvements/holidays/car etc.

this

😂😂

This is exactly the position I am in, after 7 years the money I inherited from mum still sits there. But it does mean that I have felt free to spend my own savings on “us”.

I would pay off a few things and then yes, would spend the rest on the family, probably on the mortgage and a holiday. Speak to him.

I have definitely become a cynic in my dotage (60) all this -'must be invested for the family' etc and family future --I've seen far too many plans made for futures that didn't actually work out that way and never happened etc- for various reasons- usually the 3 Ds- debt, divorce and death to be rigid in plans. If you are lucky enough to inherit- life is short- at least have a few fun memories from a percentage of it- even if it's 20%. I think most relatives would want that

It's HIS inheritance. HISother left it to him. The fact you feel the way you do is a bit goldiggerish. So what if it sits there and doesn't get touched. You're free to do the same with YOUR inheritance when your parents DIE. You women these days, Jesus Christ.

And then you'd be broke because you blew a bunch of money. His mother died, doesn't matter if they're married, it's his fucking INHERITANCE. And if that's a relationship deal breaker then it's a dm good thing he hasn't spent a dime. He might need it, or maybe he wants to leave it to his own kids. Y'all greedy and want everything that isn't yours because you're a woman and feel entitled to it for some reason.

I know people that did nothing for at least 2-3 years due to all they have to go through with bureaucratic stuff, courts, creditors, selling stuff off. Even when it is already planned & taken care of it still takes a year or longer at least to settle things. Depending on the state & amount of money (all assets) they might have to file at a courthouse. If there is property that isn't sold off right away they might have to still pay a mortgage, taxes, insurance & such. Medical bills & other things can be going on. I think communication is key here. It isn't like he us only spending on himself. He might be dealing with that, saving it for your future especially in these uncertain times.

Not invested, just sitting there?

It's been a couple of years. I think it's time to talk about it. Ask if he has thought about what he wants to do with the money. If he just wants to leave it a bit longer then at least invest it in something low risk so it's not shrinking in value from inflation.
In general for "found" money I do this - give a little away to good causes, spend a portion on something fun, put the rest towards the future (paying debt/investing/etc).
But when it's an inheritance I like to think about what would make the giver happy - would his mum like the holiday idea or was she a strict saver where adding to your future security would make her feel good or a bit of both? I expect it's probably a bit of both but I think do what makes sense for your family while keeping in mind what his mum would like him to do with the money.

I inherited from my parent two years ago, it's my money not his, yes our relationship is rocky, but it's mine, in my account. I gave my grown up kids some, but I wouldn't expect a thing from him if his parent died.

I inherited £40k. I was born overseas, so we spent some of it on a holiday for us and the children to go to see the place where I was born. The rest got spent on work on the house. We only have shared money; the decisions to spend it were taken jointly.

I can well imagine if I inherit from my parents that it will be chucked in an account and not used for a long time. I wouldn't want to acknowledge the money for a while as would feel like benefitting from their death. I would eventually get round to it but I would have to work through my grief first, it certainly wouldn't be discussed with dp for a very long time.

I don't handle death very well though and as an only child, I am really worried about my mental state when the time comes.

The OP's DH has logged on.

I wondered this too with the posters that say it's sat there.
If it isn't invested then you really need to otherwise effectively that money is becoming less and less every year. There's plenty of accounts out there that you don't need to do anything just put it in there and leave it. Stocks and shares over 9 years statistically return 10% which at the moment just about keeps up with inflation!

It's a tricky one really, I wouldn't expect it to be spent on a holiday. But I would ask if he has decided what to do with it yet.

He might be quietly earmarking it for kids uni fees/step onto the housing ladder for example. Or pondering how to invest it. Or shoving it into a pension. Or he may be undecided.

My DH got an inheritance from his DM, only about £7k so small fry compared to your DH. My only input was that it would be nice if he used some of it to buy something to remember her by.

Knowing DH he'll think on it for a few years then decide.

Any inheritance I get from my parents Estate, I’m earmarking and then passing directly onto our boys. My DH has a DD and a DSD from his first marriage, and money from my parents isn’t being put into a joint pot to be diluted out by two people of no relationship to my parents at all. I made this decision, DH has accepted it.
We have a complicated set of wills, but it works for us.

Am quite shocked by all these people here saying they consider an inheritance to be joint money.

Utterly distasteful IMO, given the source of the money.

What’s legally right is a different matter, but this is just an awful attitude. My DHs parents died years ago; not long into our relationship (been together 20 years now).

All monies he inherited were invested and remain that way to this day.

It’s now part of a wider marital estate because so much time has lapsed, but the original sum, plus any growth on this, would in my mind still be his inheritance.

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, hopefully we'll have been together over 30 years by the time we may get an inheritance. We are all family together.

Why is it distasteful that we'd share an inheritance? It'd be really odd that our parents would expect to keep it separate.

I didn’t say it was distasteful to share it.

I said it was distasteful for the non-inheriting partner, to assume that inherited money is automatically changed theirs too.

That is incredibly distasteful indeed.

Sorry, typo above!

I would react very badly if my DH said ‘we need 25k of your inheritance’ to spend on …’ and assume I would agree and that it would be fine to do so.

I would never do the same with the money he inherited either.

A parent dies and then a biologically non- related spouse assumes it’s half theirs? I don’t think so!