Page 8 | To expect DH to spend some of inheritance on the family

Wouldyabeguilty · 27/05/2022 17:57

Polyanne · 26/05/2022 23:23

No I wouldn’t expect DH to spend his parents hard earned cash on fripperies like a holiday. They’ve probably worked their whole lives to leave him that sum. Maybe he knows what you’re like - you’ll waste it on unnecessary luxuries like holidays, and that’s why he’s keeping it in his own account so you can’t fritter it away. It’s not an asset of the marriage if he keeps it in his own account, it’s not yours and you can’t touch it.

Wind yer neck in Silas Marner.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/05/2022 18:04

Afterfire · 26/05/2022 20:32

I find it interesting that so many are against spending inheritance on a holiday. Why? It was one of the first things we spent some of mine on. We could never normally afford a luxury, really amazing type holiday and I knew my Mum
would have enjoyed seeing us use the money for a really special treat for the whole family. The memories will last a lifetime, that’s almost like another form of investment.

Yep, I agree. A lot of inherited wealth is unearned i.e. it's been a gain as a result of a long-held property increasing in value exponentially just because the property market is nuts. If the value increase was "unearned" then in a way one could view it, or at least some of it, as money to not think about too much as having to spend on "sensible" things.

It depends on the inheritance, I guess. I mean, if you're lucky enough to be able to pay off your mortgage, do any home improvements, pay for your kids' uni or wedding or driving lessons or deposit on a house etc, put a chunk towards retirement, then there is no point just stashing any left over away, because what, realistically, are you going to need it for once all that's been covered? A holiday of a lifetime is a wise choice, it brings happiness and life experiences and memories to come for years and years. What good is it lingering in the bank when you could drop dead next week? That does happen - people make retirement grand plans and then have a heart attack at work and that's that.

Flippingnora100 · 27/05/2022 18:12

I think it should be the person who inherited the money's decision as the money is a gift to them, but they should absolutely discuss it with their spouse and to me it would seem normal to use it in a way that will benefit the whole family. I used my inheritance from my mum to build an extension and a lovely gift from a relative to invest (in college funds for the kids, plus property and stock for my husband and I). I would find it weird to just put it in the bank and not discuss it.

SpiderVersed · 27/05/2022 18:13

@Wouldyabeguilty I properly snorted reading that!

I inherited some money from my parent. Some went on buying stuff, some on getting home repairs done that we'd not got around to, but most went to cover our DC's university accomodation costs.

It was spent on family stuff, but it was entirely my decision at each point.

Flippingnora100 · 27/05/2022 18:15

I also spent the gift from a relative on a massive road trip in an RV around the whole of the US. We had a great time and my kids still talk about all the places we went to.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/05/2022 18:15

Lockheart · 26/05/2022 21:25

I mean to be fair the opinion on the thread about the swimming pool was that it was DHs inheritance and DHs swimming pool and OP got no say.

Which is equally batshit. If you're married, you'd quickly find any inheritance is in fact considered part of your joint assets in the event of a divorce (I've just been working on two divorce cases where inheritance is in contention).

If you're married, all assets are joint. If you're not, do what you like, although in my opinion if you're in a long term committed relationship with children it would be a bit rubbish to hold it all back just for yourself if it's substantial.

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That's interesting. Had the inheritance money been put into a joint account? I've been told by a solicitor that inheritance is generally protected and not seen as part of the marital assets, if it's in a separate account I assume. I assume that once it's been paid into a joint account then of course you're "sharing" the money.

Mariposista · 27/05/2022 18:17

It should not be frittered away on holidays and trivia, but yes invested to provide the family with financial security in years to come.

Johnnysgirl · 27/05/2022 18:17

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/05/2022 18:15

That's interesting. Had the inheritance money been put into a joint account? I've been told by a solicitor that inheritance is generally protected and not seen as part of the marital assets, if it's in a separate account I assume. I assume that once it's been paid into a joint account then of course you're "sharing" the money.

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An inheritance is not "generally" protected at all.

Firelogbridge · 27/05/2022 18:29

I think it depends on an individual family set up and how they manage their financials.

Dh and I married 15 years and have always had separate accounts. We're both pretty easy going with money and are generous. We earn roughly the same and don't have a mortgage. We each pay different bills in the house that amount roughly to the same amount. Big purchases and holidays are 50:50. We buy things for dc as and when they arise. When his df died a few years ago and he got an inheritance (about 70k) I never thought of it as mine. He put it all in his pension (over a few years) as his pension was poor.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.

SeedyM · 27/05/2022 18:30

I got a big lump sum from a small share of the sale of the family business which I never worked in or was involved in. Some of it was spent on our house and I tend to put more in for holidays etc. The rest is invested and providing a small income. This enables me to stay at home with the kids. I think it’s right to spend some of it on the family but equally I expect to be in control of it and not told what to do with it. It most definitely wouldn’t go into a joint account. My other half is most likely to say things are too expensive and I get annoyed because he’s not paying for it anyway. So weird not to discuss it but I wouldn’t also expect to decide what to do with my partner’s family money.

Highover · 27/05/2022 18:32

When DH and I lost our parents, we both put our inheritances towards the house and to pay for private schooling. We knew our parents would have approved. I could never imagine using inheritance to pay for a holiday; especially knowing how our parents lived- all their ‘wealth’ tied up in their houses. It would have felt very crass.
equally I can’t imagine having inherited the money and not mentioned it to my DH. Perhaps as people have said earlier, he is too grief stricken to deal with it at the moment.

bluesky45 · 27/05/2022 18:34

Maybe you could discuss investing it with him, to keep it secure etc. And within that discussion, there might be a chance to discuss spending a small portion on something fun. Then you aren't being like "so, shall we spend your mum's money on a holiday then?" which seems a bit insensitive and grabby. Because really, you surely don't want to spend it all on a holiday and it does need to be mostly invested in some form or another.

Tillyboo123 · 27/05/2022 18:35

I suppose it depends on what your financial arrangements are. We have joint everything and everything is discussed. If you have separate financial arrangements then I guess this falls into this catagory.

mindutopia · 27/05/2022 18:44

Yes, of course, but spent on a solid investment. I received about £225k inheritance. It went towards our house, which is a lovely property with planning permission and income potential. It will mean we are financially secure and comfortable into retirement. I wouldn’t personally have spent it on holidays and Chanel bags (I don’t think that’s necessary what you are implying). But I do see it as family money to an extent that I see it helping us to create a comfortable life and a good investment for our dc. I definitely wouldn’t have had it sat in a savings account for years.

Justbefair · 27/05/2022 18:46

He will still be grieving, give him time! Money and what to do with it will most likely be bottom of thoughts. I recently lost my Dad and don't want anything, just him back and my Mum to keep all of the money. Probate takes a long time and even when I did get some that probate wasnt needed for, through the generosity of my Mum, yes I did share it with my family immediately but mainly because to me it's not mine and I love my husband and kids so want to make them happy too. Please give it time, money is an issue when it comes from the saddest of reasons. X

MachineBee · 27/05/2022 18:46

My DH inherited a large sum from his DPs and he chose to give some to his DCs, a bit me to spend as we wished and the rest went on house alterations we had been wanting to do. We discussed the options but it was his final decision.

I stand to inherit substantially more and will likely take a similar approach, although my remaining parent is very worried what I’ll do with it, what with me having divorced and remarried. Ironically my ExH was financially abusive and controlling - and very good at spending money I acquired. Current DH - not at all.

Most likely any inheritance I get will be used to pay off mortgage/buy property for us to enjoy.

Mandyjack · 27/05/2022 18:48

BerylFeatures · 26/05/2022 18:02

DH's mum died a couple of years ago and he got £100,000 inheritance.

As far as I'm aware he's got it in his bank account and and not spent any of it.

We're not short of money but we're not well off either.

I was expecting him to at least take us on holiday but he hasn't mentioned it.

If you received an inheritance would you share it with your family?

If its your DH inheritance surely being married its now joint money or do you not sure your money? I had a small inheritance but never once thought it was my money. It went into our joint account. You need to raise the issue with him.

Mandyjack · 27/05/2022 18:51

BerylFeatures · 26/05/2022 18:39

This is exactly how I feel. I keep waiting for him to bring it up but he doesn't and I don't want to look grabby.

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It's been 2yrs I don't think you're being insensitive and asked if he's thought about what he'd like to do with it.

thing47 · 27/05/2022 18:52

Foolsrule · 27/05/2022 07:44

Similar position. Approx £75K into mortgage, £10K Disney holiday, £5K bits and bobs for house, £10K for emergencies.

Same here @Foolsrule. When DH inherited about that amount from MIL he cleared our mortgage, bought me a car (well, family car but as he WFH and I don't, I use it far more and it was my choice of car not his!), bit of house upkeep and an expensive long-haul family holiday to visit the country where MIL was born – if that's a 'frippery' well so be it, but not in my book.

His only treat to himself was to go to live music more often, though he does take me with him if I want to go 😂

Mandyjack · 27/05/2022 18:54

SunnyShiner · 26/05/2022 19:01

Is it a new marriage? I can't imagine my DH not calling it family money.

Me neither, İ always find it out how some couples live so separately financially

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/05/2022 19:04

Are you in a step family situation. I inherited an amount around that amount but l won't use it to pay off our joint mortgage which would be enough to make us mortgage free. But that money came from my parents and l want it to go either some or all if l die before spending it to my adult children. If l pay off our mortgage and l cark it first then DHs adult DC will inherit a mortgage free house at the expense of my DCs inheritance.

SandyY2K · 27/05/2022 19:05

If you received an inheritance would you share it with your family?

Probably not. ...but I'd probably spend some on home improvements, which is beneficial to the family.

I'd also keep some aside for my kids.

I wouldn't ask my husband for any inheritance he received and I don't expect him to ask me...although I've a feeling he might expect some.

He won't inherit anything. I will.

He earns more and has more than me and our finances are seperate.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 27/05/2022 19:06

I know when the time comes for either of us to inherit from our parents it would be a joint decision on what to spend the money one. In our home all money is family money.

Scottishskifun · 27/05/2022 19:09

So I don't see my DHs inheritance as our money and never have for me it's for him to decide what to do with as it was left by his family member to him in a will. Previously he has split it up into stocks and shares and easy access savings.

But I do expect him to then pay his half of any house repairs or holidays (I usually pay majority of holiday costs or repair costs as the higher earner when inheritance isn't about.

We keep our savings very separate though other then our joint savings as we have different acceptable risk levels (I won't use stocks and shares for instance).

Solonge · 27/05/2022 19:12

Guess it depends how you work out your finances. My husband said when we married we would have a joint account and share everything…..it’s worked for us…45 years and counting….when our parents died we discussed what we would do with the money…