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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Where were you at at 32?

176 replies

Dinglehopper12 · 26/05/2022 17:54

Hello,

I am married with 2 kids and an ok job (£4 per hour over NMW)

every one on mumsnet seems to earn millions!!

I feel so filled with envy when I hear of people from school that have done well, should I have achieved more with my life?

don’t want to feel like a failure as obviously that is just negative.

OP posts:
Mamai90 · 27/05/2022 06:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But a twat all the same.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 06:17

I turn 32 in August. I'm a single parent on minimum wage. I need flexibility at work while DS is still young enough to need me to pick him up from school (I have very little childcare options) and this job provides that. In 2 years he goes to secondary so I'll look at other job options then.

I'm not really bothered what other people are doing or earning, everyone is in a different situation. I had a baby at 22, not many people I know had children at that age.

ThrallsWife · 27/05/2022 06:39

I was married with 2 children, owned a house, in a job I hated.

A few years later, I am now divorced and single, renting, still in a job I hate.

Things can change a lot in the space of a short time and 32 is rarely the age where you are fully set up for the rest of your life.

FWIW, I am now happier than I was at 32, despite the fact that my life, on paper, has got worse. I hated being trapped with my ex, who was cruel at the best of times. My kids love being with me and ironically get more time with me now than they did then, despite only seeing me 50% of the time. I'm in a different job, which is shit right now, but I'm sticking it out until the inevitable change occurs. I'm renting, but finally in the position to be able to buy and get my own place without ever being dependent on anyone again.

32 is less than half a woman's predicted lifespan, and just think how much things have changed in the space of those 32 years.

SantiagoSky · 27/05/2022 08:09

At 32 I was single living in London with a well paid job. I went out a lot in the evenings and had a great life!

Original poster
Dinglehopper12 · 27/05/2022 20:28

@Waxonwaxoff0 yes I’m not really too sure why I am bothered about other people to be honest, not everybody is at the same stage in life, I’m just doing it different to everybody else I suppose.

OP posts:
Truthlikeness · 27/05/2022 20:53

When I was 32 I'd just been dumped by my husband and was earring about £20k a year, having recently changed career and started at the bottom again.

I'm now 46 - well established in my career making more than double that salary - own my own flat. Lots of friends and hobbies, enjoy plenty of travel. Never had another relationship though.

Camomila · 27/05/2022 21:06

Married and living back in my home town after living in London in my 20s. DS2 was born just after I turned 32. I went back to work p/t (standard office job) after maternity leave, and got promoted the next year and back to f/t. Still renting though which is probably my main stress/worry in life (Still am at 34).

Sd352 · 27/05/2022 21:09

I am 32. I am a high earner but in not a terribly fulfilling job, married for three years, own our house in London (4 bedrooms but unfashionable neighbourhood). No DCs yet and would really like 2 or 3 and starting to feel like I am running out of time on that.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 27/05/2022 21:17

Dinglehopper12 · 26/05/2022 20:35

There are so many promotion opportunities at my company but you have to be a complete lick arse to get them, you also have to put the hours in which I am not prepared to do yet. Maybe it just isn’t my time. I’m just so envious of the people that already have this sorted.

Maybe you need to reframe how you do this, and instead view it as being those who deliver what the management wants who are first considered for promotions.

Lavenderlast · 27/05/2022 21:20

At 32 I was battling infertility with painful expensive and humiliating procedures. Be grateful for what you’ve got OP! Everyone compares themselves to others, your problem is you’re only comparing yourself to the people you envy, and forgetting to include in your comparison all the people with major problems. If you have two healthy children, a pleasant kind husband who’s ok in bed, a home and a job, you’re doing great.

Also the people who have lots of time to post on mumsnet are maybe not typical…

Lassielou · 28/05/2022 11:11

Family of three on one okayish salary in a rented flat

RewildingAmbridge · 28/05/2022 11:14

Earning about 40k just bought our first family home (previous was a flat) planning our wedding and traveling a lot for work and fun. Has DS at 34 a year after we got married

orangeisthenewpuce · 28/05/2022 11:17

Single parent, divorced. On benefits until I got some qualifications a got a job.

PoleFairy · 28/05/2022 11:17

I'm 31. Married and we own our own home in a nice area though its a fixer upper. All being well newly pregnant with our first

150poundrebate · 28/05/2022 12:03

At 32, I was single with no kids, on £50K a year at a job I didn’t hate, but didn’t love. Small central London flat. Active social life, fairly happy.

Now, at 36: engaged, TTC, on £60k (household income of £160K) at a job I like, less active social life (never really got back into the swing of things after lockdown), and house in the suburbs. I’m very happy indeed. The last few years have been a revelation.

I suppose my point is, your life could change dramatically in the next few years. Don’t despair, just figure out what you want and go for it.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 28/05/2022 13:35

I am 53 now, but when I was 32 I was in a very bad place. Ran away with my 2 children from my violent ex husband. Had to go cold turkey off heroin, and face up to a lot of demons, and guilt. Went back to uni, got a decent job,bought a house etc. My kids turned out brilliantly. But the guilt is still there for doing class A drugs when they were small.

Original poster
Dinglehopper12 · 28/05/2022 16:05

I’m not a failure am I? I’ve been so down since my second baby, probably lack of sleep etc.

OP posts:
IhatMMc · 28/05/2022 16:20

You are most definitely not a failure! I would have given anything to be in your position at 32. I always wanted to be a mum and I didn't become one until I was 40. Many people would love to be you Flowers

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 28/05/2022 16:23

I was pregnant with my first, three years into a teaching career, earning about £27k. Married for two years, in the same lovely 4-bed house as now, with a 30% deposit through distant-family inheritance. We were extremely lucky with this, but basically had very little money to spare as I went PT, until I put more into my career seven years later, when DC2 went to school. I finally paid off my university loans when pregnant for the first time, had no savings and still have less savings than I would like, 13 years later.

Hesma · 28/05/2022 16:23

Living in Melbourne and working as a manager for multinational recruitment firm

hitrewind · 28/05/2022 16:28

Honestly, at 32 I was living in a treehouse in Costa Rica, helping build an off-grid intentional community. Single, happy, learning lots, but very tired after a long time doing 'amazing, different' things and missing security and stability.

Now living in the mountains in Europe with a DP and DSS, learning how to stay still, and missing variety and adventure.

I've lived all kinds of lives, some very 'normal' and some very not! And the feeling of "am I doing this right?" has never gone away.

Whatever you're doing, there will always be the ghosts of lives unlived sitting on the horizon - versions of yourself that never came to fruition. And a big part of being happy, I'm learning, is being able to honour and love them while also leaning into wherever you are.

Peppapig7262662 · 28/05/2022 16:32

I'm 32, two kids one a teenager and the other nearly one. Engaged to be married next year and own our home (mortgage).

Planning on trying for another (last) baby in a year lt two.

Not currently working as DP earns enough. Will look into university or training when DCs are older.

Try not to compare yourself OP! And try looking at how far you've come. 10 years ago I was a single parent struggling to make ends meet and workint in Macdonalds.

dizzydizzydizzy · 28/05/2022 16:59

FT job. No kids. Living alone but dating DP.

Was quite boring to be honest. Didn't have many friends and was working v hard

dizzydizzydizzy · 28/05/2022 17:04

Although I have a few problems now, in many respects life is much better now - I have 2 wonderful teenage DDs, lots of friends and some great hobbies. I work PT.

DilemmaBlah · 28/05/2022 17:09

At 32, I was single, child free, with a good, fulfilling career that pushed me out of my comfort zone and allowed me many experiences/adventures I would never have done otherwise, earned about 38k.