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Original poster

Where were you at at 32?

176 replies

Dinglehopper12 · 26/05/2022 17:54

Hello,

I am married with 2 kids and an ok job (£4 per hour over NMW)

every one on mumsnet seems to earn millions!!

I feel so filled with envy when I hear of people from school that have done well, should I have achieved more with my life?

don’t want to feel like a failure as obviously that is just negative.

OP posts:
Lex345 · 26/05/2022 21:20

I'm 37. At 32, I was earning 4 times a year what I am earning now, blissfully unaware of the shit storm that was about to unravel. Career wise, the past couple of years cost me everything. I chose to put my mental health and family above my career. Finances are incredibly tight, but money is the only thing I miss. I am so much happier now. I feel like "me" again.

Sometimes success isn't the money you earn or the status you have. It is being happy with what you have.

ToastofLandon · 26/05/2022 21:27

You are not alone in how you feel. 32 was only 2 years ago for me. Married with a 3 year old, and miserable. Redundancy was looming and I felt like a failure, and drove myself crazy comparing myself to others. My husband had a stroke that year too, so it was a lot.

Now I couldn’t feel more different. I’m now in a career I love which I’m good at, which pays pretty well. Things have turned out even better than I could have possibly imagined. I think my husband’s recovery showed me how short life really is, that tough times end and to be more grateful for what I have.

The ‘people from school that have done well’ that you envy, what’s your measure for success? You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, they could be unhappy or saddled in debt who knows. Social media makes it easy to fake a successful life others envy.

Things will get better, but mindset is very important. You’ve got this

mumoftoddlerandteen · 26/05/2022 21:33

At 32, married with a 13 year old and a 2 year old, on £48k. First mortgaged home with my husband after having to start again due to breakdown in relationship aged 20 with abusive partner who forced us into repossession of the home we bought when I was 18. I feel very lucky but it’s not all sunshine and lollipops, we have our problems like everyone x

Collinsro · 26/05/2022 21:34

I'm 31... I don't own a house, I don't have kids and I am unmarried. I'm renting and trying to save for a house which is my no. 1 goal.. putting off kids and marriage so I can reach this goal first and have some form of security. My savings are being hammered by inflation and house prices are always out of grasp due to the increases. I am utterly depressed I feel like a failure, reading all these posts. The alternative is to live at home until 40 and save.. then I could do it. But why should I have to give up my freedom? Back in the day you could get a house with one wage... these home owners now have security.. equity.. I'll be a renting pensioner which state pension won't even touch!!

Collinsro · 26/05/2022 21:35

And barely earning above min. wage.. can't find a higher paying job but constantly trying.

Original poster
Dinglehopper12 · 26/05/2022 21:36

@Collinsro you are NOT a failure. Your time will come!

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 26/05/2022 21:38

Married, no children, just bought our first house. A year into my first permanent job, before that I was in University then doing short term post doc positions.

butimjayigetaway · 26/05/2022 21:46

Why concentrate on envy though? Why not make a plan to achieve whatever it is you want in life?

Please don't ask people what they want in life, they are not you.

Only you know what will make you happy in life.

At 32 my life was completely different to now. I was floating around aimlessly. Now I'm married with a child, a job I like, and a life I love.

Honestly it's mostly luck for me! But you don't need to leave anything to luck. You can plan what you want right now and start implementing it.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/05/2022 21:55

At 32 I was newly married and in Love and had a very good job in the City. Investment banking. What I didn't know is that we were about to embark on a journey of secondary infertility. I kept count of the miscarriages post first trimester.

DS1 was born very later 1994 and after a splendid start developed chronic asthma post bronchiolitis and I gave up work when he was 15 months.

I went back to work in 2003, starting at the very bottom and took professional qualifications.

The DC are 27 and 24. They are great. Still happily married and have nearly as much life to look back on post 32 as pre 32.

TheHateIsNotGood · 26/05/2022 21:57

Oh Collinstro despair not - please don't follow my random IT advice, just maybe a little - but if I were you I'd go do something else completely and follow your dreams and senses a little bit - if you're going to be poor, best be poor and do something you enjoy, or at least want to try.

You've got that freedom, no kids to worry about, just you. I wasn't even physically fully-formed until I was 33, although I thought I was.

Go enjoy and experience life - you might well find some sought after talents you didn't even know you had.

Pinklady245612 · 26/05/2022 21:59

At 32 I was married, 2 kids, earning a few quid above NMW working part time. But that was also the year my life changed course - we moved 100 miles away and I had a stint as a sahm. Then we brought a second house while renting out our first, and I set up two successful businesses. I'm now 37 and taking time away from one business to allow myself to finish a qualification that will be important to my future career. Now the kids are older (youngest starting secondary in September) I am starting to feel like me again and it's so exciting. As I can leave the kids home for short stints I can find time to exercise which has helped massively. Things will get easier OP

eyespy1 · 26/05/2022 22:04

I was married with first dc aged about 1. Stopped working with no real intention to return in the short / medium term. Had three more dc and have not worked since. Now 48 and no regrets. I know this may sound unusual these days, but there it is.

Aprilx · 26/05/2022 22:07

At age 32, I had qualified in my profession, career was blossoming and I was earning very good money. I had bought a one bedroom flat in SW London with a 100% mortgage a few years earlier but I had started it overpay and had good equity in it.

Relationship wise things had not really happened for me though. I hadn’t really been in a serious relationship, although at age 32 I did have a boyfriend, he wasn’t around (in my life) by the time I reached age 33 though.

Glitterblue · 26/05/2022 22:08

I was married, working as an admin assistant earning £12,000, and trying for a baby.

IhatMMc · 26/05/2022 22:14

I was a teacher and had my own flat, but I was so lonely. I wanted to get married and have children but I couldn't find anyone. I would have been so jealous of you! 18 years later I am married with a child and no longer teach. I have a job where I earn a lot less, but I am so much happier and less stressed.

WalkingOnSonshine · 26/05/2022 22:21

I’m 32. Married, own home, in a good career earning 50k for 4 days pw and a nearly 18 month old who is an absolute joy.

For me, this is absolutely as good as it gets and I’m savouring every day. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point where I’m content with my lot & for the first time ever, I don’t feel like there’s a part of me unfulfilled.

eastegg · 26/05/2022 22:30

Dinglehopper12 · 26/05/2022 18:12

phone did it itself, not really important though is it? (Necessary question mark)

I don’t even know what that PP was on about? What apostrophes? I can’t see any.

candlemaker22 · 26/05/2022 23:38

At the start of 32 I had a job I loved, we had just bought our first home and was planning our wedding. At the end of 32 I was married with a baby on the way. It was the best year of my life.

5 years later my job is shit, we bought a new home which is shit, and we've had 5 pregnancy losses which is shit and I'm about 4 stone heavier which is shit. But my husband and child are not shit so at least I have them to get me through the shit.

I wish I could do 32 again.

Namechanger355 · 26/05/2022 23:48

At 32 earned half of what I do now, boyfriend, rented

At 37- qualified and much more financially secure after study, husband, decent sized house, one DC (3) and one on the way

amazing how much changes in 5 years!

32 is no age at all. You can always train or move

CharSiu · 27/05/2022 01:25

I was about to get married and buy a house, it was 25 years ago and my pay was around 21k, DH was on close to 30k, the house was 62K. We had a holiday in The Canaries and went on a safari in Kenya for our honeymoon that we bought on Teletext! it was a wonderful year.

Thedogshouses · 27/05/2022 04:38

My format overseas attachment in the Middle East, never looked back. Left a job with bullies and toxic people and crap pay, was still emotionally battered and recovering. Not really financial for me as housing, school fees, utilities and food were free.

shivawn · 27/05/2022 04:50

I went back to college to retrain at 27 so i was just one year qualified at 32. I also got married at 32 :)

shivawn · 27/05/2022 04:53

shivawn · 27/05/2022 04:50

I went back to college to retrain at 27 so i was just one year qualified at 32. I also got married at 32 :)

Forgot to mention some of the biggest highlights of 32! Did quite a lot of travelling that year to Kenya, Spain, Hong Kong, Philippines, Bali and Japan.

ColourMeExhausted · 27/05/2022 05:42

Please don't despair @Collinsro. Tbh reading these posts is making me feel retrospectively inadequate! Most 32 year olds I knew weren't married or in high flying jobs at that age, I think MN can be a terrible place to read about other's lives! I was just getting started at 32, it is such a young age (and am so glad I waited to get married and have DC a bit later as I thoroughly enjoyed my early 30s!).

theculture · 27/05/2022 05:50

I was feeling inadequately single and lonely as all my friends were settled down and having kids

Got an opportunity to move a few years later, met a chap, had kids, and a new phase of life began

There is a lot of your life left to make changes and enjoy the results

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