Where were you at at 32?

[Dinglehopper12]

Hello,

I am married with 2 kids and an ok job (£4 per hour over NMW)

every one on mumsnet seems to earn millions!!

I feel so filled with envy when I hear of people from school that have done well, should I have achieved more with my life?

don’t want to feel like a failure as obviously that is just negative.

In a weird relationship (unclear boundaries, not quite a couple but more than FWB), earning a reasonable salary, loved my job and my social life.

At 33 the weird relationship ended and we went NC.
At 34 my job changed (TUPE) and I didn't enjoy it anymore.
At 35 I developed ME/CFS.
At 36 I had to give up work due to my health.

I've been single for 9 years, ill for 7, unable to work for 6. I live alone in a little flat and I feel like my life is in the shitter tbh. I'd take 32 back in a heartbeat, dump the man, get some therapy and quit my job before the TUPE. Then life might be alright.

Married, two kids. Had my children young and I’m still stay at at home mum due to my child’s disabilities.
I have zero career prospects as I’ve been out of work for such a long time now and I’m dreading trying to find a job that works around school and my child’s needs especially as I have no experience other than some retail work due to having my children at such a young age.

At 32 l was living with my long term partner in our own home, working a good job and was looking forward to becoming a Mum.

I’m currently 32, I forgot to add that in, sorry!

Had my third, DH was in between jobs and I was made redundant on mat leave. Thought the world as I knew it was going to come crashing down.

I retrained, DH eventually got a much better job (we had to take a loan from family to keep our heads above water for 6 months ) and 10 years later we're in a strong position. But it's been blood, sweat and tears, as they say.

Married with one kid, planning another. Just starting a new career alongside taking a uni degree. I was planning a camping holiday for following year.

@MyneighbourisTotoro you will find something don’t worry about it! Everything will be ok 😊 (wish I could tell myself this) haha

There are so many promotion opportunities at my company but you have to be a complete lick arse to get them, you also have to put the hours in which I am not prepared to do yet. Maybe it just isn’t my time. I’m just so envious of the people that already have this sorted.

At 32, I was in the midst of my childbearing and small children years. Had a 2 year old and pregnant with my second (went onto have a third). Working 4 days a week running training courses for a charity, on about £28k. Not really focused on a career path at that point. Renting a house, husband was doing a PhD, didn’t have much money but just about enough. At that point my focus was purely on the family we were creating. A few years later, I turned some focus back on to me, retrained at university to be an Occupational Therapist, now have a career that I enjoy and a career path to follow. My kids are 8, 10 and 12. At 32, you have ample time to explore your options, what is that you want to do for YOU?

I’m 32 next month. Married, own my forever home, earn £48k and do ok as it’s a low cost of living area, TTC our first. Don’t worry if other people have greener grass, concentrate on watering your own :)

@Sparklehead at the minute I feel like I don’t have the motivation to put the effort in whilst the kids are young. I have never been career minded until recently.

My DH bless him has done so well, he has moved his way up, switching tactically from company to company and is now a director. I wish I had his ambition, he used to sit on his laptop until 9pm some nights, obviously it has paid off but he deserves it and more.

Comparison is the thief of joy OP.

I'm 38. At 32 I was in a management position in a Big 4 accountancy firm and had been married for two years, a homeowner for 6 years and a dog owner for 7 years. We had done up and sold one flat and bought a refurb house. That year I also went on secondment overseas for 3 months with my job.

Just rolling off from one stage of life to one that unexpectedly taught me lots of things about myself and 'adulting'. No children nor majorly significant others.

The dc, with no DP, was around 40.

Recently married, pregnant and about to give up my job/career to be a stay at home mum.

you are too young for that bitter attitude!

branding people who get promoted as lick arses doesn’t help you - i have seen that bitterness and jealousy in the workplace and people get labelled very quickly.

if you aren’t prepare to put in the hours for promotion, that’s fine. But then why are you so jealous of others? It’s a trade off.

at 32 I was just earning about £50k, had my own house with a relatively small mortgage, own car and was going on fabulous holidays and loving life.

I am 44 now - a few promotions later, bigger house, not so many holidays (work dominates) and about to embark on a big home renovation project.

single though out

Is it true that you can have it all, just not at the same time?

@Dinglehopper12 thank you that’s very sweet, I have a deep feeling of being unaccomplished in life, I do have two wonderful children, we rent a lovely home, we would love to own but that’s not likely to ever happen. It’s hard to not feel down when others have things all put together, I barely feel like I know how to even be an adult!

@Mellowyellow222 yes I suppose your right, they aren’t lick arses, they are just bloody brilliant and wish I had their determination.

At 32 - disabled, working a p/t low paid job, and living with my dad and stepmum. Over a decade later - still disabled, in the same job, which I’ve been close to losing due to poor health, but managing to keep on top of it the last couple of years. Living alone, no partner or children, it could be worse.

I’m 32.

Currently not working. I have 4 children - one with ASD and one suspected. One of my children is also under school age.

Been single for 2 years now after finally ending an abusive relationship. I’m happy to be a single parent but it’s so hard at times. But I’d rather it be that way than the way it was.

No career yet. I don’t want to work in retail when I go back to work. I don’t really know what I want to do, but I want to do something. I want to learn a skill.

I’m in quite a bit of debt from when I was with my ex. Credit file is currently fucked. Slowly getting through my debts.

But why do you wish for that OP? Of course a great well-paid career, with a supportive DP and "wrap-around" care (wtf!!) to deal with your dc so you can buy the 'trappings' of an unobtainable life for many, early retirement, dream home, etc, etc, etc. is The Ideal.

But it's just a Pyramid/Ponzi Scheme - only a few can get that - most aren't the best, just either happy to grasp, trample over others or have great support; very few are actually "brilliant". And those that aspire are paying for it.

I've toyed with The Ponzi myself, at 60 in a few months, I'm very happy that I've chosen to ignore/opt out wherever possible.

At 32 I was just divorced, aching to have children with someone, had a parttime secretary job, bought a amall city flat (couldn't afford my old flat now) and living paycheck to paycheck.

I’m about to turn 31 so a similar age to you, OP.

Married to DH for three years, no DC as we don’t think we want them.

I earn just over £40k which is ok, but I’m quite unfulfilled and wish I did something else. I’ve recently been looking into retraining and going back down to £20-25k(ish) but with the cost of living crisis looming, now doesn’t feel like the right time to take a huge pay cut.

Realistically I’ll probably try to squeeze as much as I can out of my current career over the next couple of years, and save up some more money before retraining.

You sound quite similar to me in terms of your outlook though. I’ve never been hugely career-minded and I’m not sure how I’ve got to where I am. I’ve never been fussed about promotions and have ‘job hopped’ to get to where I am. There’s nothing wrong with not being career-minded, you just have to accept it IYSWIM.

@TheHateIsNotGood love this! Thank you! It’s lovely to hear from people with more life experience than myself.