DS21 threatened DD18

[Safarigiraffe]

Today when me/husband were at work DS was in the bathroom & DD had just got ready to leave to go to college. DD knocked on bathroom door & asked my son to hurry up as she was on a tight schedule to get the bus to leave, DS said to her no you have to wait and DD became agitated and started shouting at him to hurry up.
DS then came out the bathroom shoving daughter back in the stomach hard shouting/swearing & intimidating her so DD at this point was very visibly upset & shaking as it wasn’t like my son to react on this way and went to the bathroom to which DS then pushed the door open again shouting/swearing in her face.
DD was at college crying on/off all day, now we have spoken to DD & to DD saying this must never happen again, DS is refusing to apologise & DD never wants to speak to him ever again saying she now feels uncomfortable to be in the house with him however we both work and can’t take time off. (DD is at college DS at Uni)
Can anyone advise of the best way forward here
Many thanks to everyone

Does your DD agree with your DS’s statement?

If you think this is what happened I think your son needs to find somewhere to stay for a few nights whilst you get to the bottom of what caused it.

Protect your daughter!

I strongly disagree with this perspective. It isn't at all normal for men to assault women and being siblings doesn't change that.

however he won’t answer

Then you have to recognise that this is unacceptable and protect your daughter.

Any explanation he gives you (or doesn't give you) is not an excuse, nor does it make it right.

At the moment he's being obstructive, downplaying his actions and refusing to take any responsibility.

You have to seriously consider removing him from the home, what other option are you left with?

Yeah my mum used to bather on like this all the time to my brother. It didn't stop him escalating and breaking my nose.

You son has crossed a line and needs to leave.

Sorry OP, I'm sure it's rubbish for you too but this scenario is really close to home for me and I still carry a lot of resentment towards my parents for not doing more. Good luck with it all, I'm sure it's a horrible place for a parent to be in.

potential women beater....I would throw the fucker out.

He has shown his true colours... your poor daughter has been physically assaulted by her own adult brother.

Your son gives an explanation or he leaves

him saying “it’s all sorted” Means he’s put your daughter in her place and thinks he can do what he wants
or he has something seriously wrong with him

DS then came out the bathroom shoving daughter back in the stomach hard shouting

your adult son pushed your dd hard. I understand that you aren’t going to kick him out in the streets. But don’t under play this situation, and try to sweep It under the carpet or let your son sweep it unde true Capet .

it’s not ok, and it isn’t finished.

What was the actual threat? Did he threaten to physically harm her? That would be a dealbreaker for me.

I would ask if he would behave this way with a female friend or gf.

Then he needs to look a lot quicker.

I mean, I can get with aggressive words between stressed siblings, even verbal threats, so long as they're not out of character and of course never acted on. I could get with chucking a cushion or even a book in real anger...... but pushing a young woman in her stomach and intimidating her with shouting and threats is way too extreme.
Even if he is troubled about something, just no. It's just a weird and disturbing disregard for appropriate behaviour at 21. I would want to know why he felt comfortable doing that.
His current replies suggest no understanding of why this might be taken as inappropriate.

I know you want it to all be alright for both of them OP, but it isn't and you need to face up to the reality that your daughter was assaulted.

Burying your head in the sand will only drive her away from you, and you'll end up with an increasingly abusive shit of a housemate who thinks he can get away with anything in life

Did he shout at her when she was actually on the toilet

and went to the bathroom to which DS then pushed the door open again

Sorry it’s just “went to the bathroom “ sometimes means actually being on the toilet

No as she went into the bathroom to close the door he pushed the door open stopping her from closing the door

People who are on a schedule should have priority over things like bathroom use.

In your shoes? I'd tell DS he's got 2 weeks to find alternative acommodation and if he ever lays a finger on DD again she is to call the police.

I don’t want to kick my son out as it was very very out of character for him & my DD said that he’s never reacted that way & she was very shocked

Ok well that’s not as horrifying as I feared but still terrible that he forced a door open to corner her and yeah no your son needs to go
pack his bags

My DD only wanted to grab something out the bathroom to leave she wasn’t wanting to use the bathroom as she was already ready

Well what do you want to do?
hes 21 if he won’t tell you what’s happening then your. daughter isn’t safe

I don’t want to kick my son out

In that case you'd better support your daughter in finding somewhere else to live... No? What does SHE want to happen?