Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that they can’t be annoyed with me over this and should have checked with me first?

167 replies

NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 12:58

We have just bought a new house and family members who do decorating as a job are doing the renovation work in there.

In one room there is a feature wall and the rest of the walls painted. I said that I wanted a grey paint but because they hadn’t got round to that room yet I hadn’t specified what kind of grey that I wanted - they usually video call me when they are in the shops purchasing the stuff so I can choose what colours I want etc.

So I speak to them yesterday and they said they have started decorating this room and I questioned it because we hadn’t chosen the paint yet and they basically said they had already got the paint - without asking or letting me know. So I ask to see the paint because I didn’t want it too light because in my experience as soon as the kids knock the wall it marks.

They send me a photo of the paint and it’s completely the wrong shade - it looks more white than grey and the reviews on the website state it’s a really light colour too. I explain that the colour is wrong and I wished they had asked me first because now they will have to return it.

They are the ones now annoyed with me and say I’m being too picky and they are annoyed about having to go back to the shop, but my point is this is my house and they shouldn’t have just chosen for me without asking me first.

Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 24/05/2022 13:00

Are you paying them and/or paying for the paint?

Original poster
NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:01

@Hoppinggreen they wouldn’t accept payment for doing it but yes I am paying for the paint (I pay on receiving the receipt) but either way, if they were paying for the paint, it doesn’t give them the right to choose how my house is decorated surely?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 24/05/2022 13:07

Exactly how much money are you talking about?

Regularsizedrudy · 24/05/2022 13:09

I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable really, it’s just a misunderstanding. You thought they would check, they thought you were happy to leave the choice of grey to them

Original poster
NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:09

@DenholmElliot1 I haven’t mentioned money, my post is about the colour of the walls?

OP posts:
Original poster
NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:10

@Regularsizedrudy no they know I would have wanted to pick it, because they have checked with me in every other room, so they would have known to sort the colour out with me, their attitude was more like they couldn’t be bothered to check which is what has annoyed me.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 24/05/2022 13:13

Well yes, they are being unreasonable as it’s your home = your choice of paint

BUT given they’re doing this as a favour to you and not being paid for it I certaintly hope you’re not being as shirty to them as you are already on this thread. It’s a favour, there has been a mistake or miscommunication along the way, just do what you can to nicely rectify it.

Maybe buy the paint yourself so that you can actually see the colour? Sending photos of paint is never going to enable you to see the colour properly so I imagine that might be an issue down the line too

Original poster
NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:15

@ShirleyPhallus no I haven’t been ‘shirty’ towards them, I’ve explained nicely that it’s not the shade I wanted and can we please change the colour and they are the ones getting annoyed over it. Regardless of a favour or not, I would never make decisions in someone else’s home like that, and I imagine if someone did that to you, you wouldn’t think that was acceptable either?

OP posts:
FishfingerFlinger · 24/05/2022 13:15

Annoying but given you’re getting all the renovation work done for free I wouldn’t kick up too much of a fuss about it.

I think if you’re getting a favour from family you have to keep the peace in a way I wouldn’t with a paid contractor.

ShirleyPhallus · 24/05/2022 13:19

NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:15

@ShirleyPhallus no I haven’t been ‘shirty’ towards them, I’ve explained nicely that it’s not the shade I wanted and can we please change the colour and they are the ones getting annoyed over it. Regardless of a favour or not, I would never make decisions in someone else’s home like that, and I imagine if someone did that to you, you wouldn’t think that was acceptable either?

Regardless of a favour or not, I would never make decisions in someone else’s home like that, and I imagine if someone did that to you, you wouldn’t think that was acceptable either?

I wouldn’t think it was “unacceptable”

i suspect if that’s the kind of language and tone you’re using on here youre probably winding the family member up than you realise

it isn’t a big deal: take a step back and appreciate the free help you have

godmum56 · 24/05/2022 13:19

Yanbu. To the posters who say suck it up, would it have been ok if they had chosen pink or orange instead of grey? Yes the OP needs to approach it tactfully but doing a favour for a family member doesn't mean you get to do what you want.

IncompleteSenten · 24/05/2022 13:19

The good thing is it's too light rather than too dark so you can tell them to leave that bit and go get the shade you want and paint over it yourself.

But no, yanbu to think they should have gone with the colour you wanted.

Yes, they are doing you a huge favour. That doesn't mean they paint whatever colour they feel like and you have no say.

If they are being snotty with you, it might be better to ask them to stop and to finish it yourself.

GirlCrushxxx · 24/05/2022 13:20

have they put it on the walls yet?

GirlCrushxxx · 24/05/2022 13:21

and which brand/colour is it?

IamaBluebird · 24/05/2022 13:21

They are painting your house for you, they’ve checked with you for all the other rooms. Maybe you could just say thank you and change the shade of grey later.

Original poster
NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:24

It’s a Dulux paint, they haven’t put it on the walls yet thankfully but they aren’t happy about having to sort out another paint colour, and I don’t live in the area yet to be able to return it. My daughter has health issues which prevents her from being around the paint and decorating which is why it’s being done before we move in, so it can’t really be changed at a later date without causing a lot of fuss etc.

OP posts:
TheLadyofShalott1 · 24/05/2022 13:25

NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:01

@Hoppinggreen they wouldn’t accept payment for doing it but yes I am paying for the paint (I pay on receiving the receipt) but either way, if they were paying for the paint, it doesn’t give them the right to choose how my house is decorated surely?

@NetflixMom21 well that was going to be my first question too OP.

Of course it doesn't give them the right to choose how your house is decorated, but it does give them the right not to be moaned at, and for you to go and get the paint that you want from the shop (taking in the extra cost without a mention), then delivering it to them at your new home. You then say to them that it is fine for them to keep the tins of the - wrong colour for you paint - as they might like it for their own home/s.

I really think that it should have been you getting all the materials necessary for the job, and for you to be laying on some takeaway treats to be delivered to your house while they ate working. IMO you do not have a leg to stand on when it comes to rectifying any mistakes - they are doing you a massive favour, please show them your gratitude, and don't give them extra work to do, like picking up supply's for the job they are doing for you!

FishfingerFlinger · 24/05/2022 13:26

it’s not orange or pink though it’s just the wrong shade of grey.

It is like sending someone to the shop to buy cheese and thinking them coming back with Wensleydale instead of Cheddar is as bad as them coming back with a pound of bacon. The first meets the brief but isn’t what you had in mind, the other clearly doesn’t.

GirlCrushxxx · 24/05/2022 13:26

all emulsion paints are water based not old style oil. so no harmful fumes

order yours online to be delivered there?

GirlCrushxxx · 24/05/2022 13:27

are you going for dulux easy care or the regular kind?

Original poster
NetflixMom21 · 24/05/2022 13:28

@TheLadyofShalott1 I have actually done things like that and they know I’m very grateful. I haven’t moaned at them about it at all actually, I think I’ve said about 3 times now I explained nicely that it was a bit too light. I have offered to order online and have the things delivered, they said it was easier for them to go and pick what they need and I have paid for it all. I don’t live nearby there at the moment to physically go into the shops. I think me commenting on one paint colour isn’t exactly living up to how you’ve written your post and you’ve made a lot of assumptions.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 24/05/2022 13:30

Ah Dulux so 2 tins = £40.

YANBU to be annoyed they have chosen the colour no. Just go and get the colour you want. If they don't offer to pay for it and it's cost you £40 then I wouldn't worry to much.

Holly60 · 24/05/2022 13:36

Is it your parents? They are bored of it now and just want to get it done.

They aren't particularly annoyed by this incident they are just fed up of the whole project and are looking forward to finishing. This has delayed that and they are irritated.

I'd just let them finish up and then change the colour of that particular wall yourself later.

IamaBluebird · 24/05/2022 13:36

You might like the colour when you move in Op. It might look a different shade on the wall, compared to the tin.
It’s nice to have family helping out as they are, hope you’re happy in your new home.

flapjackfairy · 24/05/2022 13:36

you may have explained nicely to them but have then gone on a forum to have a moan about them being unreasonable behind their backs which despite being an anonymous forum isnt v nice really.