To think that they can’t be annoyed with me over this and should have checked with me first?

[NetflixMom21]

We have just bought a new house and family members who do decorating as a job are doing the renovation work in there.

In one room there is a feature wall and the rest of the walls painted. I said that I wanted a grey paint but because they hadn’t got round to that room yet I hadn’t specified what kind of grey that I wanted - they usually video call me when they are in the shops purchasing the stuff so I can choose what colours I want etc.

So I speak to them yesterday and they said they have started decorating this room and I questioned it because we hadn’t chosen the paint yet and they basically said they had already got the paint - without asking or letting me know. So I ask to see the paint because I didn’t want it too light because in my experience as soon as the kids knock the wall it marks.

They send me a photo of the paint and it’s completely the wrong shade - it looks more white than grey and the reviews on the website state it’s a really light colour too. I explain that the colour is wrong and I wished they had asked me first because now they will have to return it.

They are the ones now annoyed with me and say I’m being too picky and they are annoyed about having to go back to the shop, but my point is this is my house and they shouldn’t have just chosen for me without asking me first.

Who is being unreasonable here?

What a horrible post from Wouldya

@Comefromaway exactly this! If I had paid someone to come in and do this work I would have got sneery and snidey comments about how much it was costing me and that they could have done it for nothing… can’t win sometimes!

Yes, sometimes its a help having family in the construction industry but oh my when I moved house I sometimes wondered whose house it was!

@Wouldyabeguilty I have just reported this too, hopefully you’re nicer to people in RL.

I reported it to.

Can I make a guess that this is your parent or parent in law OP?

NetflixMom21 - @Regularsizedrudy they offered to do the work, I was going to pay to get a company in, they said no they would do it.

that doesn’t give people the right to overstep boundaries.

People? These 'people' are family members who you have accepted a massive favour from.

If you want professional boundaries in a situation it needs to be out of 'favour which is saving you a fortune' territory.

So they’ve done fair bit of redecorating for you in the past clearly?

Or OP could just tell them thanks very much for all the work they have done so far, unpaid, then go to B&Q to choose the paint herself and then paint the walls herself ?

Someone is coming in to paint your house for FREE which takes DAYS saving you hundreds and hundreds of pounds. You sound horrendously ungrateful and up your own backside. If you are that stringent on colour, go get the paint yourself.

Your decorator has not sought the "right to choose" how your house is decorated.

They simply thought "meh, grey is grey" & charged ahead with a decision, probably to save their own time. Which you are not paying for.

I don't understand why you are so moved by this tiny paint-buying error that you needed to post on MN about it. So either this decorator has form for pushing you around & this is a final straw - or you are an entitled princess.

The decorator is now annoyed that they have to go back to the shop.
YOU are annoyed that they took a quick decision without consulting you.
As you are not paying them for their time - are you paying them mileage for all the traisping about they do for you?

When your decorator gives you the receipts for the approved grey paint AND whatever 'wrong' paint they have been unable to return, you will pay them pronto, with a huge & gracious "thank you", won't you?

I mention this in case you decide to throw a strop about what the wasted paint has cost you. DON'T. Just write the paint cost -whatever it is - off against the bill a non-family professional would have charged you.

Next time you want full consultation over paint colour - either go & buy the paint yourself & stop expecting people doing you huge favours to run around after you - or pay a professional, & specify what you want up front, in writing.

@Intrigueddotcom no actually they haven’t - current house is a new build and didn’t need any work doing to it and house before that was a rental

If you want something done properly, do it yourself or pay someone to do it.

@Comefromaway surprisingly not (!) they are uncles and cousins from my side x

Wow I think you are getting a seriously hard time here!!! I’d be so irritated by this as well, it’s very strange of them to just unilaterally decide what colour to paint your wall when you’ve chosen all the other colours in the house. Grey can be interpreted in sooo many different ways. I would do as others have said and order it online for delivery so they don’t need to go back to the shop. I guess they have to return it at the shop, so if you don’t mind swallowing the cost of the wrong paint maybe just tell them to keep it for another job (for a customer that’s happy for them to choose it lol). But I think they’ve behaved a bit weirdly and I don’t think you’re wrong to be annoyed.

It doesn’t matter that it’s a favour. They offered, and probably would have been seriously put out if you had said you’d rather go for someone else and pay, that could have caused real offence. It’s tricky doing these sorts of projects with friends and family. I’d just try and smooth it over as easy as possible but you are definitely not being unreasonable.

I really don’t understand why you are making it such a huge thing. They didn’t check with you, not ideal but super fixable. Swap the paint. If they are annoyed so what? Suck it up. It sounds like you just don’t like them.

@Wouldyabeguilty I’m not responding to your posts anymore and any posts you do put on here I will keep reporting. Thank you.

@Wouldyabeguilty well said.

@Regularsizedrudy you’re right - it is very simple to change the paint. They are the ones not wanting to do this.

I can clearly hear my dear departed Dad saying exactly this to me!

Along with ''never a lender nor a borrower be''.

I used to roll my eyes at him. He was right though.

They should’ve asked you first.

And you should be insisting on paying them even if it’s ‘mates rates’.

They’re basically doing you a HUGE favour and you are saving a LOT of money!

You need to handle this well or I would expect this to be the last time they do you a favour.

I say this as the wife of a carpenter/painter and decorator.

You couldn't make it up!!

I agree they should have checked first, you're not being unreasonable there - however, it sounds like your whole house is being renovated whilst you 'supervise' from your phone, rather than actively being involved. You could visit a DIY store yourself to look at the colours 'in real life' then let them know the ones you have chosen, or have them delivered. I'd be really pissed off having to FaceTime at a store to go through every shade of grey whilst the recipient umms and ahhhs about what they want. Be more proactive so there's no room for them guessing.

Incidentally I did pay my painter the going rate (a family friend) and he went all mardy arse because I didn't want Brilliant white ceilings everywhere.

God, there's some arses on this thread.

If you offer to do something for someone, do you do what you feel like doing or what they actually want?

OP - YANBU