To think that they can’t be annoyed with me over this and should have checked with me first?

[NetflixMom21]

We have just bought a new house and family members who do decorating as a job are doing the renovation work in there.

In one room there is a feature wall and the rest of the walls painted. I said that I wanted a grey paint but because they hadn’t got round to that room yet I hadn’t specified what kind of grey that I wanted - they usually video call me when they are in the shops purchasing the stuff so I can choose what colours I want etc.

So I speak to them yesterday and they said they have started decorating this room and I questioned it because we hadn’t chosen the paint yet and they basically said they had already got the paint - without asking or letting me know. So I ask to see the paint because I didn’t want it too light because in my experience as soon as the kids knock the wall it marks.

They send me a photo of the paint and it’s completely the wrong shade - it looks more white than grey and the reviews on the website state it’s a really light colour too. I explain that the colour is wrong and I wished they had asked me first because now they will have to return it.

They are the ones now annoyed with me and say I’m being too picky and they are annoyed about having to go back to the shop, but my point is this is my house and they shouldn’t have just chosen for me without asking me first.

Who is being unreasonable here?

Just sounds like a misunderstanding. Neither party is particularly unreasonable but when work is done as a favour rather than for payment is does make these type of situations more awkward.

You may not live close to the new house but surely you could have visited a local shop which sells paint, chosen your preferred colour and sent them the details so they would know what to get. No one should dictate how your house is decorated but you don't seem to be making it easy for them to get it right.

I think the simplest thing is to apologise for the inconvenience, give them details of the correct colour and check if there are any other paint colours they need to know before completing the job.

It's a miscommunication but you now know what you need to do to get the rest of the house decorated to your taste and for free.

Oh my goodness it's not even on the walls yet, you just go and pick the right paint up, pass it over and pick up the other paint to return it.

It's not a big thing, you do come across as quite abrupt but just take it round, thank them, very much, for how much money they are saving you and helping you out and leave them with it. If they choose to continue to put themselves out to help you, is very much up to them depending on how you have spoke to throughout this "nothingness".

@flapjackfairy you’re on this forum too and unless you have never posted anything about a situation of yours before, then a little hypocritical isn’t it?

If these folks make their living from painting decorating is the job taking longer than planned and they need to move on to waiting paying clients or they need to start making some cash now and so you slowing things down by changing paint is causing problems? What started out as a happy offer of some assistance has turned into a chore they'd rather see the back of now... (or your mil offered your fil/bils services without appreciating the job required...)

@FOJN yes I usually do give the paint names which I think I like the look of etc, that I have seen online etc but because online all the greys look the same and in store they have tiles that have been painted so you can see how it dries, so I said to them I’m not sure which shade I like, I will pick the colour in store so I can see clearer but then they picked it without me.

I voted YABU as they are doing you a huge favour by painting your whole house for FREE and you haven’t bothered to organise the paint/colours in advance.

So not only are they doing the decorating they then have to spend time collecting the paint on multiple journeys as you pick colours for one room at a time.

Perhaps they were trying to speed the process up, I can see how it could be annoying for them to now have to go and change it.

@Thinkbiglittleone not going to keep repeating myself, read the full thread.

YANBU and they don't get to dictate the colour just because they aren't charging for the work. You say that they haven't put it on the wall yet, so all they need to do is return it and get the paint that you want.

@MummyGummy yes I normally do pick the colour online that I think I like but then they ring me when they collect it to show what it looks like in real life and to confirm it’s still the right colour etc. I made it very clear to them I couldn’t pick the grey online as they all looked similar and would pick the colour instore but they didn’t even give me a chance - thank you very much.

I think you just need to smooth it over and move on tbh.

I totally understand your frustration buy I think some people just think grey paint is grey paint, and some people see the nuances. When we moved DD had a feature wall in her room and wanted the others grey. I got the paint colour matched as that sort of thing would've really gotten on my tits if it hadn't been right.

If her dad had been doing it, he'd have picked up the first tin of paint with 'grey' on it without a second though lt.

What's the point of a favour done badly, I wouldn't thank anyone for painting my wall the wrong colour and insisting I like it.

I remember a couple of years ago my husband ordered our carpet and it wasn't what I had specified. It was much darker and when I got home. And when saw it being fitted, I silently raged. I stood outside and though about how much I hated it.
I distinctly remember it because I had to decide there and then what to do, did I blow up in front of my husband or what?
I decided to let it go. DH asked me did I like it and I said it was grand. It wasn't the colour I picked but its there now and I can get used to it and thanks for organising it so soon (!)
Any way, I did get used to it and so glad I had the wisdom to take that 10 seconds breather. Lives too short to get worked up on shades of colours.
In a week or two, you'll have other worries and it will dimish further down the list. But relationships are important and try to keep those.

I agree but it might dictate how forceful you can be if they try to just dismiss you

You said grey paint; they already had grey paint 🤷🏻‍♀️
Grey is the colour of nothing, how many shades can there possibly be?
(surely not 50? 😉)

It makes a huge difference as to whether they are being paid for it or not. As it is they are not. So they’re doing you an absolutely massive, time consuming favour not only for free, but they’re presumably losing money that they could have been earning from doing it as their actual job. If they were paid contractors (family or not), you’d have every right to be annoyed at their presuming which shade you wanted. As they are family and providing their time and physical (professional quality) labour for free, and apparently even going out and purchasing supplies and materials for you, I’d think you’re cheeky as fuck to be complaining about the shade of paint. The least you could have done is make sure they had everything they needed if you were going to be that demanding over it. They may have thought grey a pretty safe colour to choose without your consultation, and clearly must have taken the time to look and buy what they thought was the nicest which they’d have thought you’d like. Do you think they’ve gone out of their way to upset you?

I think your being harsh, OP. Thry’re
doibg you a huge favour - I’m assuming they’ve turned down paid work to get your new house done so it could have cost them a fair bit! I imagine they’re getting frustrated at the time it’s taken, and not having a list of paint colours to buy all at once. They’re probably expecting effusive thanks & gratitude and see this as you being picky over a shade of grey when you told them “they all look so similar”.

I reckon you have to suck it up now, and if/when it needs repainted get a normal unrelated business in to do it.

I don't understand the angst to be honest. It's paint colour not asbestos in the ceiling.
Let them paint it in the light grey. You might like it. If you decide it's not what you want, you've got a nice base undercoat and you can paint it a darker colour yourself.

Oh no don’t get me wrong - I’m not planning on falling out with anyone over it - and there hasn’t been this huge argument or anything.

but I feel with these family members they don’t respect people’s boundaries and there’s other things they’ve done - like one of them has a spare house key for emergencies but when they come over they just let themselves in rather than knocking which REALLY irritates me because I could be getting dressed, in my nightwear, on the toilet etc - so to me this just feels like another time when they aren’t respecting boundaries and making decisions for themselves.

I don’t know maybe I’m just over thinking that and linking the 2 when there’s no need, but these people do have a habit of over stepping boundaries at times, and this feels like one of those times

And as for people keep commenting about them losing money, they’re not, they have a whole team of people taking on work as normal and they could be spared to do it without affecting business.

Why don't you just paint it yourself?

2 things… get dulux diamond Matt and it can be wiped clean. Crayon marks, finger prints, whatever, it just wipes off
So you can get the colour that suits the room best, rather than the colour that withstands marks

and sorry, but ‘feature wall plus grey’ is so awful and dated that anyone ignoring you is doing you a huge favour

Order the correct paint off amazon and get it delivered to your new house or theirs.

@pussycatlickinglollyices Firstly because I don’t live near there so can’t just pop in to do the painting and come home again. Secondly health issues in the family mean renovations have to be done before we move in.

@SW1amp thanks for the first tip, the second comment, that’s how I’ve chosen to decorate, it doesn’t matter whether people think it’s ‘outdated or not’ that’s totally irrelevant.

With respect, op, what shade of paint you would have chosen is also irrelevant when these people are currently at your house and you haven't actually bothered to choose one yet?
Just how long do you expect them to turn down paid work to hang about while you decide?