To think that they can’t be annoyed with me over this and should have checked with me first?

[NetflixMom21]

We have just bought a new house and family members who do decorating as a job are doing the renovation work in there.

In one room there is a feature wall and the rest of the walls painted. I said that I wanted a grey paint but because they hadn’t got round to that room yet I hadn’t specified what kind of grey that I wanted - they usually video call me when they are in the shops purchasing the stuff so I can choose what colours I want etc.

So I speak to them yesterday and they said they have started decorating this room and I questioned it because we hadn’t chosen the paint yet and they basically said they had already got the paint - without asking or letting me know. So I ask to see the paint because I didn’t want it too light because in my experience as soon as the kids knock the wall it marks.

They send me a photo of the paint and it’s completely the wrong shade - it looks more white than grey and the reviews on the website state it’s a really light colour too. I explain that the colour is wrong and I wished they had asked me first because now they will have to return it.

They are the ones now annoyed with me and say I’m being too picky and they are annoyed about having to go back to the shop, but my point is this is my house and they shouldn’t have just chosen for me without asking me first.

Who is being unreasonable here?

YANBU. A favour is only a favour if it is giving the recipient something useful/that they actually want.

Painting the room the wrong colour is not a favour because it is not what you want. They may as well not bother at all.

@Johnnysgirl they didn’t tell me they were starting on that room yet otherwise I would have picked one. Do you seriously not read the whole thread properly before you post? I have said how many times now they didn’t give me a chance to pick one.

Don't be daft, they're already on site!

if it’s not even on the walls yet they can do a straight swap at the shop. No one need be out of pocket. You are coming across as very defensive tbh. I don’t think you can really complain about their lack of boundaries while also utilising their free help on what is a massive job.

@Johnnysgirl what are you seriously going on about hun? That’s not the first room they’ve done and we have sorted the materials out for the rooms separately when work was actually starting on that room. That’s how they decided it would work best so they knew what paper and paint was going where, so yes if they want to pick it room by room, they would have to tell me we are ready to do this room now!

you'd be surprised. you get blue greys, cream greys mauve greys, yellow greys.....I went for grey in my kitchen and bedrooms and it took quite a few sampoles and viewing it in different lights and times of day before I found a grey that was actually grey.

Whatever. Your grey walls. Hun. 😁

@Regularsizedrudy they offered to do the work, I was going to pay to get a company in, they said no they would do it.

that doesn’t give people the right to overstep boundaries.

You're minimising the huge favour they're doing for you.

Just absolutely mortified for you.You have not even paid for the paint yet because you need a receipt. Sorry, you are an absolute freeloading CF.

@ReallyIrish over one wall? No I’m really not.

you has given them keys to the property and they just let themselves in?

If you want boundaries in place you have to enforce them. You were free to turn down their offer.

but if they bring back blue cheese and you are making a raspberry cheesecake?

If they knew you were very grateful OP, and you have done nice things like I suggested for them, and if you pointed out the error with the paint 'oh so very nicely to them', then I am very surprised that they still got annoyed at you. If they really are so sensitive that they got annoyed with you

[even though they had no idea that you are annoyed at their temerity of making a judgement call (maybe when they couldn't reach you and needed to make a decision - sorry there I go making assumptions again, which of course wouldn't be needed if the salient points weren't being drip fed, but hey ho)]

for no apparent reason, then maybe you should do what a PP suggested, thank them sweetly for all their help so far, and either finish off the decorating yourself at the weekend (maybe they, or some other family member would be kind enough to look after your DC while you were doing it), or you could pay someone else to finish off the decorating for you - then you would still need to be polite, but you could insist that they follow everything you say to the letter, and you could quite rightly tell them off (politely) if they make any mistakes.

By the way OP, you are the one who chose to ask your question in AIBU, maybe if everyone is supposed to agree that you are not being unreasonable, and are therefore not supposed to point out any ways that they think you might be being unreasonable, then it would be good if you could make that clear in your Opening Post please. Also you assuming that we somehow already know all the points that you drip fed to us later, in defence of any comments made by people replying to you, is actually not very helpful.

they usually video call me when they are in the shops purchasing the stuff so I can choose what colours I want

”usually”

so they often decorate for you?

@Wouldyabeguilty and why is that exactly? Because someone picked the paint for my house when they should have asked? They wouldn’t do that in a paying persons home so what makes it any different for me exactly? Especially when I was going to pay a company to do it and they started going on about how much money it would cost me and they would do it for me. It’s not like I’ve asked, or forced them to do it. I’m very grateful to them and the rest of the house has been done beautifully.

YABU for not paying someone to take on a house renovating project for no pay, without clearly stipulating what you wanted. You didn't tell them what grey, you just said grey, so that's what they went with. If you are going to be particular, specify at the start of the project exactly what you want so they don't have to keep halting work to check in with you.

@Intrigueddotcom no I’m talking about the house I currently live in. They have keys to my home now incase of emergency and they let themselves in when they come over to see us rather than knocking. Of course it’s fine for them to let themselves into the new house because no-one is living there, and no, there was 3 rooms that needed decorating and that’s how we’ve picked materials for the other 2 rooms.

@Fancylike I told them I hadn’t picked a grey yet and would need to see it in person, they didn’t tell me they were starting that room so I didn’t get a chance to pick it.

@Wouldyabeguilty er yes I have paid for all the materials actually and will pay for this paint too if they can’t return it, so go and chill out and I’m reporting you for a personal attack.

You're not being unreasonable telling them to stop painting your house a colour you don't like. They would definitely not be unreasonable in stopping kindly working for you for free and telling you to pay someone else to paint it your preferred colour (which is certainly what I'd be doing!).

(And by the way, no one is obliged to read the whole thread in AIBU. You post the situation in post number 1. We tell you if you're being unreasonable. If you don't give enough information you'll get an inaccurate answer.)

It sounds like the OP has family a bit like mine where daring to say no to the offer of a "favour" would cause so much family resentment you just give in for an easy life.

And there are massive differences in the different shades of grey paint. (says the woman who recently spent a fortune on tester pots)