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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I inform his employer

191 replies

Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 10:39

My ex was convinced under the domestic abuse act last year and sentenced to a community payback order.
I'm assuming he didn't inform his employer of this as he is still working for them. His employer is a large company that apparently supports many domestic abuse organisations. Legally, would I be allowed to inform his employer of his convinction? Would he be allowed to find out it was me that told them? Would it have any legal comeback for me? I'm in the UK.

OP posts:
Workingwoe · 23/05/2022 15:18

Regardless if you do it anonymously or not, it would be a gdpr breech for his company to name you to him. He will probably guess it's you or someone connected to you but he wouldn't be able to prove it.
If he needs a clean dbs for his job then yes report it to hr. Word it as "sorry if you are already aware of this however i thought it should be brought to your attention" and include copies of the newspaper.

AchatAVendre · 23/05/2022 16:09

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 15:07

Strange that you have the facts on paper from the court, that this case was big news in the papers, that you know all about your ex's contractual obligations and that he has breached them... yet you're still posting on here wondering whether to report him and scared it could lane you in court.

Doesn't add up.

What doesn't add up is someone insisting that a conviction resulting in a community payback order would end up in national newspapers! Have you ever seen such a thing?

I don't recall the OP saying that it was reported in a national newspaper. I assumed she meant her local newspaper, since most of them report on local criminal court outcomes.

I also think its general knowledge that people working in a particular sphere must have a clean DBS and that failing to notify an employer of a criminal conviction can be gross misconduct?

Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 16:11

It was the papers for the city, so widely read in this city.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 23/05/2022 16:15

Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 16:11

It was the papers for the city, so widely read in this city.

So then they will know already

Johnnysgirl · 23/05/2022 16:18

maddy68 · 23/05/2022 16:15

So then they will know already

This Confused
What on earth is your point, op?

Hont1986 · 23/05/2022 16:19

I genuinely don't know anyone who reads the local paper.

ILoveMyLifeToday · 23/05/2022 16:37

If he is leaving you alone it's not worth the comeback you might receive.

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 16:38

Regardless of whether anyone reads the newspaper or not, if the OP claims to have papers from the court detailing the facts, why is she worried that informing his employer could land her in court?! There's a lot here that doesn't add up.
Inform the employer if you want OP. You say you've got all the facts, you say he needs to declare the conviction to his employer and you say you know he hasn't (not really sure how you know so much about his life and why you're obsessed but there we go..)

AchatAVendre · 23/05/2022 16:42

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 16:38

Regardless of whether anyone reads the newspaper or not, if the OP claims to have papers from the court detailing the facts, why is she worried that informing his employer could land her in court?! There's a lot here that doesn't add up.
Inform the employer if you want OP. You say you've got all the facts, you say he needs to declare the conviction to his employer and you say you know he hasn't (not really sure how you know so much about his life and why you're obsessed but there we go..)

It can be one manager who isn't doing their job to query this. Jobs for the boys...

The employer stands to be liable if someone is adversely affected by their failure to act on this. They are running a big risk.

I think the OP is generally rather worried but is keen to do the right thing. I'm astonished that so many posters are claiming to know nothing about their partners' employment.

I wish people would be so vitriolic about verbally sniping at men with domestic violence convictions!

jackstini · 23/05/2022 16:44

If you honestly think someone could be in danger because he hasn't disclosed it, then report him

It can be anonymous, just send copies of the newspaper articles

Johnnysgirl · 23/05/2022 16:45

it can be one manager who isn't doing their job to query this. Jobs for the boys...
What does this mean?

LadyLolaRuben · 23/05/2022 16:49

He has a conviction and with good reason, his employer requests to be notified of any if they are acquired during his employment.
His criminal history will have been checked on appointment to the job but won't be checked routinely hence the contract requirement for them to be notified.
The reason his employer needs to know of any convictions is because he must be in a position of trust which means he may come into contact with vulnerable people.
I'd notify his employer anonymously. This is a consequence of his actions and he shouldn't be covered for by you keeping quiet if you're willing to speak out

Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 17:06

Thanks for your advice everyone. I've taken it all into consideration and decided that it could possibly be very dangerous for me if I contacted his employer.
I think it's the right thing to do and his employer should be informed BUT apparently he most likely wouldn't get fired, nothing would happen to him but he could figure out it was me that told. So I could be putting myself and my family in danger for nothing. This is a guy that made repeat threats against my current partners life, said he hopes my young daughter and (unborn at the time) baby die and burn in hell and many, many other things. In my opinion he is not mentally stable. I'm sure there is a motive for him moving so close to me and I have no doubt that will come out in time but for now things are quiet and I really shouldn't rock the boat, especially if I'm unlikely to get the outcome I want and would have to live worrying that he would come after me again.
Again, thank you all for your advice today.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 23/05/2022 18:57

Good luck @Candycat1212

i think that’s a very understandable choice, and is what I would do as well. You have to protect yourself and your family first and foremost.

RosehipSyrupForDinner · 23/05/2022 19:38

I think that's a very sensible decision OP, I would do the same in your circumstances Flowers

Steelesauce · 23/05/2022 20:05

I sent the news article to my exs boss of his child abuse conviction. The boss responded by paying him cash in hand to hide him from CMA 🙄. It wasn't worth the head space. Just live your life and forget he ever existed.

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