Should I inform his employer

[Candycat1212]

My ex was convinced under the domestic abuse act last year and sentenced to a community payback order.
I'm assuming he didn't inform his employer of this as he is still working for them. His employer is a large company that apparently supports many domestic abuse organisations. Legally, would I be allowed to inform his employer of his convinction? Would he be allowed to find out it was me that told them? Would it have any legal comeback for me? I'm in the UK.

Definitely email if he may come into contact with vulnerable people, especially women. If he works in, say, finance in head office, so has no contact with vulnerable people, I'm on the fence.

If he has to have a clean DBS then it needs reporting. Many companies only check DBS is still clean every few years. Not annually, so he could still be there with access to vulnerable people for years before it is found. Our company only checks every 5 years. They rely on honesty and self reporting and gossip

Maybe it's not about adding anything to OP's life but keeping other victims safe.

If it made the national news it's not "secret", come on. What are the chances that nobody in his place of work heard about it?

My ex accessed a utility account of mine through his job (a breach of the GDPR). I didn’t report it as if he’d lost his job I’d end up getting the blame.

He also threatened me on social media a few years back. His new job requires a clean security record. Again I didn’t report him (although a family member who saw the message said they’d keep the evidence and would do it themselves if anything happened again).

So, I wouldn’t personally report. All I’d gain is a load of grief.

Honestly, I wouldn’t.

He will guess it was you or assume. You could be putting yours and your families safety in danger.

That absolutely would be his fault, if he hurts someone. However, the situation would be traumatic for you. Regardless of who is to blame.

I'd report him anonymously... Either via post or email from a library/public computer.

Importantly... Does his job bring him into contact with children, vulnerable people (so education, social services, NHS etc? ).

As long as you're as confident as you can be this wouldn't trigger danger for you?

Was his conviction reported in the news? I mean would it be possible for someone else to have reported him? I once reported a street neighbour who o knew had an historical child abuse conviction who had rocked up working as a lollipop man...

these men are extremely dangerous and pretending that you're dealing with a regular person and escalating a situation unless necessary is just madness

I agree with this. I know it seems like he's getting away with it but realistically he isn't going to change. It's not like it's "happliy ever after" now for him. Leave him to carry on making a mess of his own life and focus on all the positives in yours. If you tell them, and he finds out it was you (and you will be his first suspect) you can't predict what he'll do. Moving on is the healthiest way to deal with this for you. Forget him.

You actually don't know that he hasn't told them. He may have done, and they may have decided it was OK, or they may have put him on a warning.

If it was in the paper and he works for a local employer, someone will have seen it and will know anyway.

He may also have been dismissed - how would you know he still worked there?

Absolutely tell them, then move on with your life x

Right now he’s leaving you, and your child, alone. I wouldn’t personally choose to rock the boat.

He’ll see it as you interfering in his life. The last thing you want is for him to decide to interfere in yours, and seek access to your child. And yes, someone like that will want to hit you where it most hurts.

OP - sorry if this has been suggested before but is there any way you could contact a domestic abuse support group and see if they might tell his employer. I’m suggesting his as clearly he still wants to intimidate you by living so close by - but if he loses his job he may have to move away anyway - as I say I haven’t read the full thread - just a thought

I don't know why people keep suggesting to tell them anonymously or tell them through a third party. Even if he doesn't know who reported it, isn't it obvious who he will guess first?

The national news for a community payback order? Where did you get that idea from?

Its likely been reported in a small column at the bottom of the page in the local newspaper, if reported at all (if the court reporter for the local newspaper wasn't on holiday that week/they didn't run out of space for the football reports/there weren't bigger crime stories). Many people simply don't read this and its entirely possible that no-one at his work did. Its also possible that his work are aware of this and have chosen to ignore it, which is concerning given the field he works in (and not really acceptable).

The reference to keeping it secret is to the OP being encouraged to keep something that is in the public domain secret.

Correct, It'll all come out and you wont need to get your hands dirty, he will have to deal with this eventually

And if he comes after OP and her child? He's already said he wishes they would die and been violent. Why on earth would it be good to poke his aggression?!

Well, op said it made the front page of "several" papers, I took that as slightly bigger than the Parish Magazine...
But who knows?

They won't do anything if you do report it to them, he won't lose his job over it unless his contract states he mustn't have any convictions in which case they'd pick it up in his next DBS check.

God, yes I'd report him. Do it anonymously though. Have you got the details from court? As in when it was publicised by court? just email them that.

@wordlequeenbee I only mean that, I have a letter from the court that says he was convicted of DA and coercion and I have a newspaper report giving more details BUT I don't want to get my wording wrong and risk a lawyer being able to pick at it. Its just me being overly cautious.

@Candycat1212

The most important thing is to stay safe. Don't do anything which will bring him further into your life, your child's life, your partner's life.

Instead start keeping a log of any interaction which isn't permitted in case it's ever needed. Add a camera doorbell plus approach light plus another camera at the rear of your property. If it's at all possible, move as far away from him as feasible.

Don't invite this angry, dangerous sounding person any further into your life. 🌹

You have nothing to gain by telling them. Getting on well with your own life, as others have said, would be better for you.

OP - is there any rational explanation as to why this man has chosen to move house to be so close to you? I take it he knew where you lived when he did so? Do you now see him regularly as a result? Its very odd behaviour on his part. Does he rent or did he buy?

I think the advice above about keeping a record of his behaviour and getting a ring doorbell, etc are good ones. Ignore any suggestions that this is you "not moving on with your life". I don't think living in fear of antagonising him is any way to live your life either and you are not under a duty to keep his secrets.

Why? If he was working with anyone vulnerable he would have to have a clear DBS check which is up to an employer to conduct. This seems really spiteful