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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I inform his employer

191 replies

Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 10:39

My ex was convinced under the domestic abuse act last year and sentenced to a community payback order.
I'm assuming he didn't inform his employer of this as he is still working for them. His employer is a large company that apparently supports many domestic abuse organisations. Legally, would I be allowed to inform his employer of his convinction? Would he be allowed to find out it was me that told them? Would it have any legal comeback for me? I'm in the UK.

OP posts:
Sistanotcista · 23/05/2022 14:08

whywhywhy5 · 23/05/2022 13:19

Also - why aren't you using CMS? He should be supporting his child

He should definitely be supporting his child, but won’t that also give him access to the child in the future? I imagine OP is trying to protect her child from the kind of treatment she received.

DogInATent · 23/05/2022 14:11

Yes, you can inform them. But there's a couple of questions you need to think about first.


  • Why do you want to do it? What do you hope to get from this (lose his job hoping he moves away?)

  • How will you inform them? He's likely to suspect it's you, what will he do?


DBS updates to employers will depend on the type of DBS that's been applied. A Basic DBS won't provide updates.

SleeplessInEngland · 23/05/2022 14:14

Apparently his case was on the front cover of several newspapers recently, and as far as I can tell the OP hasn't addressed why this alone isn't enough. If it was that pubicised someone at his work will have seen it.

Divebar2021 · 23/05/2022 14:15

There’s something in the criminal justice system called a “ Notifiable” occupation which means if people with certain occupations get arrested for certain offences then the police are required to notify the professional body ( not individual employer). An example would be an airline pilot caught drink driving. A lot of occupations on that list are not that obvious ( eg baggage handlers at airports). You could speak to the officer who was in charge of your case and see if his occupation is on that list… if so the professional body should have been told by police at the time of arrest.

Original poster
Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 14:20

@Divebar2021 thank you so much.

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 23/05/2022 14:21

Yeah, I meant is there any chance you could move farther away and start all over again? I know it's a disruption but it might be worth it to you in the long run. Something to consider.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/05/2022 14:24

I’ve said YANBU as it’s not an unreasonable thing to do as such.

However it might be more beneficial to you just to leave it and move forward -

Original poster
Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 14:25

@CousinKrispy I will definitely be moving before the 3 year restraining order is up. Unfortunately, having just moved and put all my money into this house, it's not something I can now realistically do in the very near future. I am working towards moving away as soon as possible. I just wish the court had informed me that he was moving here and then I'd never have bought this house and moved further away at that point.

OP posts:
TokyoTen · 23/05/2022 14:33

I'd leave it. It sounds like you are looking for revenge.

Jaffasnake · 23/05/2022 14:35

If he works directly with vulnerable people in which case they could be at risk from him being in his role then yes, otherwise, nope. He will absolutely know it was you, and sadly the justice system in this country and the police won't protect you to the extent they should if needed if he decides to try and extract revenge. Sad its this way but alas, wouldn't put my child in danger for it

CoastalWave · 23/05/2022 14:37

Huge can of worms.

Stop giving him headspace. None of your business.

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 14:38

I don't understand your comment that you're worried informing his employer could result in him taking you to court if you don't do it 'the right way.' Makes no sense.

The right way is to inform them of the facts: "A has a conviction for the offence of B, date C." If you are informing them of facts, and you're doing it because you know enough about his employment that he had a responsibility to inform them, and you know that he hasn't... well, how is that going to end up with you in court?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/05/2022 14:38

luckily I'm in a position where I do not need or want financial assistance from him

Well just leave it then. What's the point in stirring things up? Unless you want some drama...

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 14:39

Something distinctly odd about your threads. Like you're desperate for revenge.

NewtoHolland · 23/05/2022 14:44

If you feel it would keep other people safe to report him then that's good.
But after that do you feel able to draw a line and move on fully from any involvement with him?

Original poster
Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 14:45

@wordlequeenbee it's not revenge...its just that he has been very bad to many women in the past and got away with it...I was the only one that took it further and I feel it unfair to not only me but the other woman (and future women) that he has really not been "punished" as such.
He is a danger to women in my opinion and unfortunately he will possibly continue with this in future as he gets away with it.

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 23/05/2022 14:50

OP, why did you move such a short distance away ? I'm guessing he moved near to you to scare you . If you report him, he's more than likely to guess it was you and I fear for the consequences for you.

Crimesean · 23/05/2022 14:53

I would absolutely tell them.

JacquelineCarlyle · 23/05/2022 14:53

Report him Op if that's what you want / need to do.

I managed a large team of engineers who would regularly be in and out of peoples homes and so a clean DBS was essential. I had a tip off about one of my guys having received a criminal conviction. It was reported in the local press but as I wasn't local to him, would never have come across it and would have only found out when his DBS was due to be renewed (something HR took care of).

As he had lied (by failing to disclose the conviction) he was dismissed for gross misconduct (following the proper HR steps). Had he spoken to us, we could have potentially moved him to a non-public facing role (given the nature of the conviction).

Anyway, convictions are in the public domain so even if you do report, he won't necessarily know it came from you.

FWIW, I was very glad that I did get the tip off as had something happened and it turned out he'd got a conviction, it would have been very bad reputationally for us an an organisation & I've no idea when his DBS would have been checked again for us to find out through our own internal systems.

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 14:56

OP you're still not explaining why you think informing them of actual facts could end up with you in court

Stormyinacoffeemug · 23/05/2022 15:00

My ex (DV also) was reported to DVLA for several medical disorders that he had failed to tell them about. His licence was taken away and he blamed me for it - for the record, it was not me, I didn't even know about the medical issues. He then started reporting me to alsorts of places to retaliate - one of them being DVLA so apparently I'd know what it felt like. Luckily I kept my licence but it took me a year, several medical appointments and time off work to clear my name.

Original poster
Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 15:01

@wordlequeenbee incase I word it wrong...if you know what I mean. I have the facts on paper from the court and obviously would just write/read that and exactly that...its just me, I worry about everything

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 23/05/2022 15:04

Candycat1212 · 23/05/2022 15:01

@wordlequeenbee incase I word it wrong...if you know what I mean. I have the facts on paper from the court and obviously would just write/read that and exactly that...its just me, I worry about everything

No, it's not clear what you mean. In what way could you "word it wrong" that would make you liable to court action?

wordlequeenbee · 23/05/2022 15:07

Strange that you have the facts on paper from the court, that this case was big news in the papers, that you know all about your ex's contractual obligations and that he has breached them... yet you're still posting on here wondering whether to report him and scared it could lane you in court.

Doesn't add up.

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