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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up with DD for school?

177 replies

Woozlez · 23/05/2022 07:26

She is 13, Yr 8.

Primary age kids are off this week so I have no school runs, they don't wake up till about 9am.

WIBU to just tell DD to set an alarm and get ready and go herself so I can have lie ins? She doesn't eat hot breakfast, just a croissant or bagel or something and I can do her lunch night before.

Or am I just being lazy and I should get up with her? 😂

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 23/05/2022 07:27

At that age my parents were both gone for work by the time I had to get up for school and I did every single morning by myself. Surely at 13 she's capable? I'd be a bit concerned if not. Also why are you doing her lunch!?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 23/05/2022 07:30

Is she used to setting an alarm and getting herself up and out on her own? If not then I would lighty supervise at the beginning of the week. You can do this from bed or the sofa.

Nutrigrainygoodness · 23/05/2022 07:30

Is she good at getting herself ready?
Does she rush and forget things if you don't help?
I'm starting a new job soon so I won't be in when dd gets up and goes to school, but generally she's very good at sorting herself out. So I'm not too concerned.

DDivaStar · 23/05/2022 07:31

I would probably get up at least a couple of days, won't be very nice for her knowing everyone else us still in bed. But she should be perfectly capable of getting herself up and out....

FawnFrenchieMum · 23/05/2022 07:32

By 13 my DS had been sorting himself for school for a couple of years! Most high school kids with working parents would be the same.
You need to teach responsibility, not just expect it to happen.

FawnFrenchieMum · 23/05/2022 07:33

DDivaStar · 23/05/2022 07:31

I would probably get up at least a couple of days, won't be very nice for her knowing everyone else us still in bed. But she should be perfectly capable of getting herself up and out....

I’m assuming she has holiday when the little ones are at school, do you think the teen will get up them because it’s a ‘nice’ thing to do?!

Shiningstarr · 23/05/2022 07:33

I would say yea sure she should be capable of getting herself up, but that's not the point.

When im in that situation I always get up for my son, even if it's just to say 'have you got everything, ok see you later have a great day'

It does come across as lazy to me.

DoubleCarbs4Life · 23/05/2022 07:33

Depends on your child.

My DD of a similar age is completely self sufficient in the mornings. Sets her own alarm gets up, sorts herself out. I leave for work around the time she is getting up and there are never any issues with her getting herself ready & to school on time.

DS at that age was a different kettle of fish & needed to be bossed about and reminded every 5 minutes of what the time was or he’d arse about and be late.

if your DD is responsible, snooze away!

Original poster
Woozlez · 23/05/2022 07:34

Sorry she is under SEN management at school and has anxiety issues so it's not that straightforward, I should have mentioned that in op!

She isn't great at getting ready and we have alot of attempted school refusals.

She is old enough to do it though and is capable.

I think she would probably wake me up anyways 😂😂

OP posts:
LisaSimpson77 · 23/05/2022 07:34

Oh bless her! I can completely sympathise with you wanting a lie in but that sounds miserable for her. The whole family stays in bed and she gets up, sorts herself out and goes without a bit of chat and company first thing? I couldn't do this but it does depend on her personality.
Could you compromise by getting her to sort herself out, joining her for breakfast and a quick chat for 15 minutes then going back to bed.

Starlightstarbright1 · 23/05/2022 07:37

My Ds is 15 on my days off I get up after him but early enough i can make him get up and get on if necessary.

Its good practise to set an alarm and get herself out of bed regardless

coffeecupsandfairylights · 23/05/2022 07:39

Following your update then I absolutely do think you need to get up and be there with her, even if you just have a coffee and remind her when it's time to leave the house.

She has SEN and anxiety so isn't your typical teenager and I think it's nice for them to have someone around as company or guidance in the morning, even if they don't strictly need it.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 23/05/2022 07:39

@FawnFrenchieMum eh? OP is the parent so she should be getting up with her child.

The DD is a kid and shouldn't be responsible for getting up and helping with her siblings.

ChocolateHippo · 23/05/2022 07:40

I'd get up with her, get her out of the house and then take a croissant and a cup of coffee back to bed. Like you say, she'll probably wake you anyway!

Ragwort · 23/05/2022 07:40

Honestly following your update yes, I would get up with her and see her off to school.

There's a huge difference between being 'capable' of getting up and out of the house on your own and being part of a loving family where a little bit of support is nice. I've just got up and had a coffee with my DH before he went to play golf Grin ... I didn't need to get up but it was a friendly thing to do and now I've gone back to bed !

MoobsAreNotBoobs · 23/05/2022 07:43

Not unreasonable or lazy.

But I would still get up just so she’s got some company before school and to spend a bit of time with her. My children were both capable of getting up and sorting themselves out but it’s not about that for me. Our kids are teens and we still made their breakfast and lunch some of the time and other times they make breakfast for everyone else. I’d maybe go back to bed with breakfast when she’s gone to school.

Swayingpalmtrees · 23/05/2022 07:44

Of course you need to get up!

Jesus op given your update, did you even need to ask? It is going to be hard enough for her with everyone staying at home.

MaryAndHerNet · 23/05/2022 07:45

I wouldn't.
I remember times when my mum wasn't there in the morning to see me off. The house felt empty and cold and you could even say lonely.
Even now, if I'm up on my own first thing, the house feels different.

Even if you don't get dressed or actively help, at least be around to say good morning and chat and see her out the door.

OakAshBeech · 23/05/2022 07:45

Reading your update, I'd get up with her, but only lightly supervise to teach responsibility. At 13 it's just friendlier and more supportive if you're pottering around in the background, especially if she has SEN and anxiety.
Go back to bed/couch with a cup of tea and snooze or read for an hour when she's left?

Cr3ateAUsername · 23/05/2022 07:45

Lazy

MichelleScarn · 23/05/2022 07:46

Why wouldn't you? Do your younger children really manage to sleep beyond the time she'll be getting up? What's the age difference?

Singleandproud · 23/05/2022 07:47

If I had the extra time and didn't have to rush off for the school run, I'd do my Dd a nice breakfast and chat to her before she went to school. We normally get ready as parallels and barely see each other in the morning. I would do this without your update, with your update there would be no question. I might then go back to bed with my own tea and breakfast.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/05/2022 07:49

Maybe see the time as bonus 1:1 time with her without the younger kids around.

Momicrone · 23/05/2022 07:51

I'd get up,it's nice for her to have company, how much of a lie in do you need anyway

bumblefeline · 23/05/2022 07:53

Yes I would get up. I still get up with my dd who is much older and off to work. Just for the company. It's horrible when everyone else is still in bed.