To not get up with DD for school?

[Woozlez]

She is 13, Yr 8.

Primary age kids are off this week so I have no school runs, they don't wake up till about 9am.

WIBU to just tell DD to set an alarm and get ready and go herself so I can have lie ins? She doesn't eat hot breakfast, just a croissant or bagel or something and I can do her lunch night before.

Or am I just being lazy and I should get up with her? 😂

I do my daughters lunch and see her out. She's 15. I had to do my own lunch and make my own way to school which was miles away and sort out my own uniform ever morning . I found it quite lonely so I do it for my kids and see then off with a hug and I love you. Kids are good kids haven't raised imbeciles

Missed the SN when I posted, in that case only you know if she is capable.

My 16 year old DD has been getting herself ready for school, packed lunch and all, for years now but I still get up with her just so she has someone to talk to and a bit of company. Bit miserable otherwise.

Why are there so many posters so quick to say how little they'll do for their early teen kids? If you are at home doing nothing why wouldn't you get up and have a coffee and chat and make sure shes ok and sorted?

Why don’t you ask her what she wants?
If she is bad at getting up, has anxiety and refuses to attend school I think you at least need to be awake and in the background.

mine have had to get themselves up and out because I leave 2 hours before they wake up but they don’t have any of the issues that you have described.

Why are there so many posters so quick to say how little they'll do for their early teen kids?

A lot of us aren’t there to do it. I would love to be but need to work. I work so that they can eat.
Today I’m off but up to wave youngest off.

My DD is 13 and would struggle to be ready on time if we weren't cajoling her constantly! They get detentions for lateness though so that may actually encourage her to be a bit more organised!!

At 13 I'm sure my mum started work at 5.30 so me and younger sister would have to sort ourselves out and we managed fine.

Don’t you want to see her in the morning? Make sure she’s off to school happy , have a nice chat about anything before you both head off for the day? Wouldn’t dream of not seeing mine off to school in am. It would feel pretty crappy anyway knowing her siblings have already started holidays while she still has a week of school so it might be nice for her actual mother to make the effort to get out of bed and see her off. You know, do the parent shit 🤷‍♀️

I’ll by saying unless you are a shift worker, or have already left for work in which case it can’t be helped!

It does come across as lazy to me

Yep

Even if she's capable. Why do you need to stay in bed until 9am?

Oh now that's just lazy then. SEN, anxiety and repeated school refusal and you can't be arsed to get up with her??

I get up and see DD off every day. We have a chat and some breakfast together. She's perfectly capable of doing it without me, but we both like the company and it feels like a good way to start the day.
I couldn't stay in bed and hear her pottering about and not get up.

MN in general is weird about teenagers and young adults ever needing any kind of help or support IME.

This! You don’t have to be their slave at that age - but this is just being kind!

In that case I would get up with her.

it’s never fun going to school when your siblings are off at the best of times. For a school refuser who doesn’t want to be there it’ll be even worse

Not being there to do it because you're already at work is not the same as being there but being too lazy to get out of bed though - they're hardly comparable situations.

I have 13 year olds and it’s really just not the example I’d want to set them. They seem to look for every excuse to not get up or leave the house as it is. With SEN and anxiety and finding it challenging to be organized I think it would be a bit unsupportive. But maybe a good time to be around but not frantic (I am assuming that you’re normally frantic with two primary age kids to get ready too) to encourage her gently to be more organized and set herself a good routine?

Unless you work nights/late shifts I think you're being unreasonable. At that age kids might be able to get themselves sorted but they do need to check in with parents before the school day - even if that means grunting at you while they eat their cereal.
Why wouldn't you want to get up with her?

No doubt I'm going to be told IBVU now

Teenage children need as much active parenting as younger children.

Given your 2nd post, I'm nor sure why this is even crossing your mind. Your poor daughter.

you want to let your anxious, school refusing teenager get herself up and out to school so you can have a lie in? YABVU it doesn’t sound like that will go well!

Well, I would have said she'll be fine, let her get on with it until your second post about the SEN, in which case I think I'd get up just to make sure she's sorted ok.

DS1 is 14 - he's been getting himself up and to school since he started high school 2+ years ago - he leaves to catch the train well before my alarm goes off! But his Dad is usually up early, so he's not "abandoned" and "lonely" - and he rather enjoys the independence, to be honest! When DS2 goes to high school it might be a different story though - he doesn't have the same level of "DIY independence" as DS1, and I don't think I could trust him to get himself ready to leave on time.

Was just about to type this! Of course there's a difference between someone not doing a chatty breakfast with their teen because they are scrambling to get ready for work or other commitments the ops 'well I don't have to do anything for the younger ones this morning so sod the teen'

I would get up on some days, just to be present then go back to bed with a coffee

No I wouldn't under these circumstances, just go back to bed of you're still tired or have an afternoon kip.

Why are primary aged children not getting up until 9am ?