To not get up with DD for school?

[Woozlez]

She is 13, Yr 8.

Primary age kids are off this week so I have no school runs, they don't wake up till about 9am.

WIBU to just tell DD to set an alarm and get ready and go herself so I can have lie ins? She doesn't eat hot breakfast, just a croissant or bagel or something and I can do her lunch night before.

Or am I just being lazy and I should get up with her? 😂

Get up and show her you care.

I’m assuming she has holiday when the little ones are at school, do you think the teen will get up them because it’s a ‘nice’ thing to do?!

That's completely different. We're talking about a parent getting up to see the child.

I still would. On my one day off a week, I always get up to see my 13 y/o DD. I can still lie in till 8 am which is v late for me. I feel it's s bit selfish not to

I was up at the age of 7 and had to get myself ready for school then I'd walk 2 miles with my brother who was 9 parents were both working, same coming back from school. I never want my DD to have to do that but I think from age 15-16 it's time as she won't always have mum to get her up for work etc.

Get up you lazy bint 😆

Mine are 12 and 14 and are both grumpy in the morning, they don't want to hang out with me or be 'seen off' they bolt out the door to meet their friends and walk to school.

Some days I'm here, some days I'm already at work but either way they definitely don't want to hang out with me in the morning. We hang out a lot, just not first thing.

What a load of old nonsense there's nothing wrong with having a lie in on some days. I work 13 hour shifts if I want to have a lie in until 11 am on one day off (with DH taking her to school) I bloody will. Nothing to do with work ethic.

it would depend on the child. One of mine would have done this, but the other two I couldnt trust them to

Get up the fuck.

Your child has SEN and anxiety and you want a lie in. How selfish is that.

You know that feeling when DH has a days leave and you have to get up and go to work and how totally depressing and miserable it is whilst he is still in bed while you are getting ready - that is how your daughter will feel.

'Sorry she is under SEN management at school and has anxiety issues so it's not that straightforward, I should have mentioned that in op!'

'She isn't great at getting ready and we have alot of attempted school refusals.'

Oh well in that case yes you have a lie in. Great idea.

There's a halfway house. Give yourself an extra 10-15 mins in bed, and one morning a bit more, just getting up 5-10 mins before she leaves.

You could even go back to bed for a bit once she's left.

I’d get up with her. It’s about moral support and feeling like you are a loved member of a family. Even if you do nothing practical, you will still be giving support. Be careful of MN advice. Everyone’s kid is speaking in full sentiences at 2 months old, has grade 8 violin by age 5. Has done work experience at NASA by age 12 and cooks 3 course dinners for the family every night.

But in reality teenagers really do need their parents as they find their way in life.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not getting up. I have anxiety and ASD and get very annoyed when it's automatically seen as something which would make me incapable - I got myself ready for school and there on time from around age 13, my mum has never been an early riser and would often be running late herself. 🤷‍♀️
You know your daughter and how it affects her best, OP. If she will manage then it's fine, sometimes you'll be the only one in the house who has to be up early and that's life. I would feel bad at any age, if anyone else had to get up simply to accompany me on my earlier start.

I was going to say YANBU until your update.

Given your update I think YABU. It doesn’t sound like her needs would be met by just setting an alarm clock and expecting her to get on with it.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but kids do have different needs.

A year 8 child without SEN or anxiety, or one who actually likes peace and quiet, would be another matter.

Oh and does their own laundry by the age of 8. Did you read that thread?

And you still think getting up, ready and leaving the house without another single soul around is ok?

Jesus the people here are so harsh.

with your update I would say you need to get up. But if she wasn’t SEN I would say stay in bed. One week of you not getting up with her isn’t going to cause her a life of misery and mental anguish. As a matter of fact she may enjoy it. I remember the times I got up alone to go to school while my parents were asleep and I loved the quiet mornings not having to talk to anyone before school.

I think your idea of a week of lovely lie ins is probably just going to end up in far more stress than it is worth to be honest.

I can't believe you wouldn't get up, my eldest is 15 and I work but I make him a coffee, breakfast, my DH does the same at the weekend, he's up and out for a commute from 6.30am in the week. They are our DC and we are a family, which means you interact with them. To me, you don't treat your 13 year old like you are a house sharer with her.

My little one is on a school residential this week and I miss her so much, I miss not doing the school run with her. All these times are what family is about IMO, that's what love for your DC is about. Do you work? What are you doing about her refusing school, how are you proactively helping her to manange her life, are you not concerned?

but you are obviously up?
you seem very clueless imo

It will be good for her to learn how to be independent. Helping her to grow up by being responsible for her own alarm and breakfast.

Yeah, that's not why op's doing it...

This.

Definitely get up. How lonely and miserable for DD to have to do it alone. I’d be doing some kind of extra treat for her in her lunch to show you’re thinking of her and understand it must be tough. Teens feel isolated at the best of times (despite their spikiness) and knowing there is someone there for them is a huge comfort. Even if the don’t need it.