To not get up with DD for school?

[Woozlez]

She is 13, Yr 8.

Primary age kids are off this week so I have no school runs, they don't wake up till about 9am.

WIBU to just tell DD to set an alarm and get ready and go herself so I can have lie ins? She doesn't eat hot breakfast, just a croissant or bagel or something and I can do her lunch night before.

Or am I just being lazy and I should get up with her? 😂

I am over 60 and look back on family breakfasts and time together before the busy day starts with really fond memories. Sometimes it's not until you are (much) older that you really appreciate what your DPs do for you. A couple of years ago I stayed overnight with my DPs to be able to catch an early train ... my DF (late 80s at the time) insisted on getting up early to 'see me off'. He died last year, yet that loving memory stays with me.

Having seen your update then yes I’d get up. Still can be a lazy morning as you don’t need to rush around getting ready yourself.

She's year 8 - not 8.

She'll be fine.

And if she forgets something or something goes wrong like the rest of us she'll learn by her mistakes.

Perhaps just text her to have a nice day!

She's been a school refuser, you are likely to find her still in her bedroom whenever you get up.

If she has sen then help her pack day before and write lists to follow.

My ds is autistic and is 17. I've always helped him be prepared but I've not done it for him.

Sen just means difficulties in learning - not an inability to learn. You need to give them support to find their own way.

Thats lovely. 💕

I think you are setting her up to fail

My 8 year old has just got himself up and is sorting his own breakfast. He will then walk himself to school as his bike is in her for a service. I assume your 13 year old is NT? Is there any reason they can't sort themselves out?

With your update, I would definitely get up. At least 15-20 minutes before she has to leave just in case she is still in bed, and also just for her to have some company. I don't think it's a huge deal for an adult/parent to wake up at 8, or whatever time.

Just seen the update about anxiety. That does put a slightly different spin on it. How does she feel about having a go by herself?

Your update really changes things (why do people do that?). You'll need to get up and check stuff and see her off.

In your update you mention she has sens and anxiety. So obviously you'll have to wake her up and make sure she has breakfast and everything she needs for school. Also her time management might not be sufficient yet. If you really want to try it, I'd get her to set her alarm, you get-up anyway and see if she does it.

With the update I’d definitely get up with her, although would probably have said the same without it. You can still have a lazier start to the day and see her off to school, it’s not fun being the one who still has school when your siblings don’t (no-one bother pointing out to me it’s a life lesson blah blah blah 🙄)

My dd was 11 (start of year 7) when she started getting up by herself. I had ds who was 2 and still up in the night often so sleep was very precious. Plus she wanted to leave at 7.45am to walk with her mates, and took ages to get ready. No way was I setting a 6.30am alarm on the odd occasion ds slept in.

She managed just fine, odd instance of searching for a shirt etc but that was usually because the laundry fairy hadn't been in and picked up from her bedroom floor over the weekend, so a wrinkled, fusty shirt for the day soon taught her that actions (or inactions) have consequences.

She's just doing A levels now and I have never had to shout her up for school, or work. She is independent and organised. Odd ask for a lift when it's lashing it down but generally sorts her own shit out in a morning.

I think it does them the world of good.

Completely agree with ragwort, these moments are part of family life

You answered your own question. Of course you need to get up, she needs support in the mornings!

Why not let her do one morning herself, eg the Friday? I think it would be great for her confidence and independence. You’ll be in the house, so it’s not even as if she’s alone.

Write a list for her the night before, so that she doesn’t forget anything

Yes I would get up with her.

DC1 is in yr 8 too, has SEN and cannot organise herself. She also forgets to eat. It is easier to get up and help, present her with some breakfast and remind her she left her books on the kitchen table, floor and sideboard, and to take her cookery equipment. I was the same, well still am a bit, but I pulled my shit together as I got older.

(DC2 is more organised than all the rest of us!)

You need to get up. You are the adult in the home.

Agree with this, how many younger kids do you have? Can imagine they generally take most attention on school mornings do nice to have some 1:1 in a quiet house?

You are being beyond unreasonable and lazy
i wouldn't do this for my NT 13 year old let alone one with ND and school refusal! Just go back to bed once she's left. Ugh.

What’s wrong with her making lunch for her daughter? She’s just being a kind mother. No need to be mean. She wasn’t asking for your opinion on that.

Both my DD’s have SEN, dd2 is more severe but also more capable of getting herself ready than Dd1. I think it depends on the child, my dd1 is 18 and going to uni in sept but still can’t get herself up (I have to wake her), I wish I had made her do it earlier. Dd2 wakes at 4.30am every day, gets dressed for school at 7am but need reminding to brush her teeth and to put deodorant on.
i guess the only way you will know is by trying it.

She also has SEN and anxiety.

My DD has done their own lunch since age 8, they are more likely to eat what they pack. Once they hit High school, they are fully responsible for getting themselves up and out and lock up behind them. It's very rare that I'm up to see DD leave the house.