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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up with DD for school?

177 replies

Woozlez · 23/05/2022 07:26

She is 13, Yr 8.

Primary age kids are off this week so I have no school runs, they don't wake up till about 9am.

WIBU to just tell DD to set an alarm and get ready and go herself so I can have lie ins? She doesn't eat hot breakfast, just a croissant or bagel or something and I can do her lunch night before.

Or am I just being lazy and I should get up with her? 😂

OP posts:
Binsk · 23/05/2022 10:34

Sorry I have seen OP mention school refusals, I managed to confuse that part with a different thread that isn't even all that similar. 🤦‍♀️

coffeecupsandfairylights · 23/05/2022 10:35

Brieandcamembert · 23/05/2022 09:08

coffeecupsandfairylights · Today 08:43

Brieandcamembert

Why are primary aged children not getting up until 9am ?

OP has said they're off school this week.

They must be going to bed very late to not wake up until 9am though

I was thinking that if everyone went to bed a bit earlier they could all get up with the teenage daughter.

Or maybe they're just good sleepers? Not all children are up at the crack of dawn!

Threeboysandadog · 23/05/2022 10:37

Ds3 is almost 16. He has also had school refusal and anxiety and recently got an ASD diagnosis. I get up every morning to see him off to school and then go back to bed with a coffee. However two mornings in the last year (both in the same week) I have slept in and when I’ve rushed to his room in a panic, he’s got himself ready and gone. He’s perfectly capable as I’m sure your daughter is but I think it’s good to check in with them, all be it briefly, in the morning.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/05/2022 10:41

Singleandproud · 23/05/2022 07:47

If I had the extra time and didn't have to rush off for the school run, I'd do my Dd a nice breakfast and chat to her before she went to school. We normally get ready as parallels and barely see each other in the morning. I would do this without your update, with your update there would be no question. I might then go back to bed with my own tea and breakfast.

This.
Yes if you were rushing off to work, or trying to get the others ready for the school run, it would be different,
but the rest of the household is in bed. It's an ideal chance to teach her to fend for herself a bit more in a friendly companionable way and gradually start easing up on doing things for her, letting her sort it for herself, and chatting over breakfast without the others interrupting.

Precious moments with your DD and then back to bed or relax before the rest get up.
Also good chance to get her to calmly run through the before bed " have I got everything for the morning" check too.

Goldenbear · 23/05/2022 10:41

13 is very different to 16 and to me it is more about how a school refusing child is having it rubbed in her face how everyone is off school and enjoying their lie ins accept her. A parent in this scenario should probably care about that.

Johnnysgirl · 23/05/2022 10:47

Goldenbear · 23/05/2022 10:41

13 is very different to 16 and to me it is more about how a school refusing child is having it rubbed in her face how everyone is off school and enjoying their lie ins accept her. A parent in this scenario should probably care about that.

Agree with this.

Johnnysgirl · 23/05/2022 10:48

coffeecupsandfairylights · 23/05/2022 10:35

Or maybe they're just good sleepers? Not all children are up at the crack of dawn!

Show quote history

The vast majority of them are!

Peppapig7262662 · 23/05/2022 10:50

My DD is 13 and has ASD.

I'm usually up early with the baby, however when i do have a rare lie in she knows not to wake me.

Is she capable to get herself ready or does she need constant prompting?

Tdcp · 23/05/2022 11:01

Given your update, I'd get up with her.

axolotlfloof · 23/05/2022 11:02

Funkyslippers · 23/05/2022 09:13

I’m assuming she has holiday when the little ones are at school, do you think the teen will get up them because it’s a ‘nice’ thing to do?!

That's completely different. We're talking about a parent getting up to see the child.

I still would. On my one day off a week, I always get up to see my 13 y/o DD. I can still lie in till 8 am which is v late for me. I feel it's s bit selfish not to

Get up. Have breakfast and chat and then go back to bed when she leaves the house.

Profanasaurusrex · 23/05/2022 11:03

I’d tell to get ready then come in to see you for a chat before she leaves…. it’s good to see her, make she’s ok but no need to get up.

sashh · 23/05/2022 11:06

I think having working parents and taking yourself to school is one thing, but if you are getting up on your own leaving a parent and siblings in bed that's not very nice.

I'd get up and eat breakfast with her, how often do you get time when it is just the two of you?

LimpBiskit · 23/05/2022 11:08

I'm often out of the house before mine are up so they have to do their own thing anyway.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 23/05/2022 11:38

Ragwort · 23/05/2022 07:53

I am over 60 and look back on family breakfasts and time together before the busy day starts with really fond memories. Sometimes it's not until you are (much) older that you really appreciate what your DPs do for you. A couple of years ago I stayed overnight with my DPs to be able to catch an early train ... my DF (late 80s at the time) insisted on getting up early to 'see me off'. He died last year, yet that loving memory stays with me.

That's brought a tear to my eye, in a good way! Thank you!

DialsMavis · 23/05/2022 12:02

Only you know your daughter so my experience may not be helpful.My DD is only 11 and has some anxiety issues and getting her up and ready is tricky (at that age DS was bringing me a cup of coffee in bed whilst fixing his lunch, so it isnt down to indulgence). I have found that by completly stepping back she now just gets on with it, and attempted sickies are greatly reduced. DD would not be ready on time, try and get out of going etc but ultimately is terrified of being actually late which was key for this.

I quite often go out for a run, which is not dissimilar to not being present by having a nice lie in. My attempts to hurry her along were making it worse and being in charge of herself has helped her anxiety greatly, I honestly used to dread my alarm going off and often started work with a horribly upset feeling after such stressful mornings. The first time I left her it was a nightmare and she ended up running to school with no breakfast.

So I say give it a go and see how you get on for a couple of days.If I havent gone for a run I usually just shout through at key times: 7.30, 8am, 8.15 etc and our mornings are now so much happier.

TheNoodlesIncident · 23/05/2022 12:27

Don't you get lie ins at the weekend? With your DD's school history, there's not a chance I wouldn't get up with her, if only to ensure she does actually get up and leave the house. You can always go back to bed once she's left, surely?

racquel86 · 23/05/2022 12:40

YANBU
I had to get myself up and to school myself from being 11 - my mum (single parent family) had to leave for work before me. I also got myself home and could make some sort of tea before she was home. Has made me a very independent person xxx

Problemmo · 23/05/2022 12:44

I would with my DS who is a year younger but your DD has SEN so different kettle of fish, it doesn’t sound like it would be so straightforward for her to get herself up and go.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 23/05/2022 12:58

ime children of primary age have a body clock that wakes them @ 7 am, however in the holidays their clock resets to 6.30!

RitaFaircloughsWig · 23/05/2022 16:02

fluffycereal · 23/05/2022 10:21

And it's ok to to answer the question without calling OP selfish.

Show quote history

so what word do you suggest?

fluffycereal · 23/05/2022 16:24

Plenty managed to answer without resorting to name calling. If you really don't know how that works take a read over the thread, I'm not arsed to suggest how to do something so very basic.

DinasCopUniform · 23/05/2022 16:35

It's not really about capabilities though. Why don't you want to get up with her? I've always got up with all mine because it's a nice thing to do, even if we don't talk. When I'm on nights, I stay up until they've gone. I don't think I've ever done anything else unless I've been really ill in bed. Trust me, I'm about as far from a helicopter parent as you can be 🤣

But my youngest is 17 now, and all the others have left home. Make the most of it!

stillherenow · 23/05/2022 16:46

I only have a 14 year old and wfh so could get up later but I've really never dreamed of not getting up to have breakfast with her !

stillherenow · 23/05/2022 16:47

I think it's very different going off to work to just staying in bed!!

Tickledtrout · 24/05/2022 09:17

You don't seem to have much understanding of her anxiety or see it as anything to do with you. Get up and be present for her. Build that understanding. It's not her fault you have younger children too.

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