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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is she being unreasonable about holidays?

209 replies

Giveme2gins · 21/05/2022 00:10

I have a sibling who lives abroad in Australia. He wanted to come home on holidays and it was his plan for months to come home this summer on holidays. My mom was cleaning the house in preparation for his return home.

He called home recently to say he's taking his fiancée and child. We met his fiancée before and she is a beautiful lady through and through. I am looking forward to seeing them.

Now my mom is apprehensive about him coming home. She is upset and anxious. We don't have the best of homes. It's ok. It's a roof over our heads. I was helping mom cleaning.

Now she doesn't want them coming home. She says she will get me to look for a holiday home for their stay and she will pay. I had a nightmare online all night looking for a place for them to stay but honestly I am having no luck whatsoever. I actually feel sick. The only places available are actually costing 1000s for a month.

Mom went to bed and she said we will look again tomorrow. I really don't think my mom is understanding me. Accommodations is is not available. Summer rentals would have been booked months ago and months in advance. My mom is expecting me to find a place out of thin air and within her budget. Three times toniishe asked me about the local apartments. Those apartments were always long term rentals and they are not available. She is expecting me to magic a home out of thin air. I don't get this though. The space is available at home. It's not the best quality but it's ok. Some cleaning over the next few more weeks and it should be better. My mom is flat out turning down the idea of now having them stay at home nor will she tell them what her stance is on this. It's all a mess. I think she's just being nervous but I think it will fall into place of they do come home. When they do come back and if they stay at home, they won't be here all the time. They will be going away here and there.

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 23/05/2022 12:03

I am off out.... see you later Ma.

Badlifeday · 23/05/2022 12:53

Take a bag and go and stay with a friend/boyfriend. You can't let another adult speak to you like that.

rookiemere · 23/05/2022 13:26

@Giveme2gins forgive me as I took the liberty of reading your other threads.

There's a bit of a common theme going on - employers take advantage of you, relationship doesn't seem to be going well and now your DM is screaming at you for something not your fault.

I think you need some assertiveness training and to decide which aspect of your life you want to change first. If it were me I'd be focusing on getting a new job and sorting out your relationship. Just because your DM screams ( and it does sound as there may be something underlying there) it doesn't mean you need to get engaged.

Giveme2gins · 23/05/2022 15:49

I think theres more than a house and a home issue going on with mom. The room was going to be clean and prepared for my brother and there is space for another person there. I was cleaning my room for the child.

I saw resentment in my mom's face over the situation. This is something that the family can't see when there's so many miles between us. She said over the weekend that she was looking forward to Jim coming home. That's what she had in her mind for months. Now there's an extra two. I think there's more going on in her mind tmand I think it's because maybe she was looking forward to maybe the old days where it was just him and I think she's not able adapt to him being a family man now especially under her roof. If they were in another house I think she would gladly accept the situation.

I am caught in the middle now of the family wanting to come home and I want to help them and see them and my mother not wanting another family at home.

OP posts:
NancyDrooo · 23/05/2022 18:53

Honestly OP, I think you need to confront your mum and tell her she’ll lose Jim if she doesn’t accept his wife. There is no way they can stay anywhere else without it being a very obvious rejection.

Your mum needs to grow up and face facts. She’s being ridiculous and it’s going to backfire on her big time.

burnoutbabe · 23/05/2022 19:06

Could you suggest to sister in law that you her and child go out sometimes to explore and leave brother and mother to have sone time on their own too? Seems reasonable to have sone private time?

Giveme2gins · 23/05/2022 19:21

NancyDrooo · 23/05/2022 18:53

Honestly OP, I think you need to confront your mum and tell her she’ll lose Jim if she doesn’t accept his wife. There is no way they can stay anywhere else without it being a very obvious rejection.

Your mum needs to grow up and face facts. She’s being ridiculous and it’s going to backfire on her big time.

I'm not approaching that with her. She knows. I had another sibling chat to her on the phone. She's making this rod for own back.

I'm it onto the brother. He needs to seek mothers permission and leave me out from it.

OP posts:
Giveme2gins · 23/05/2022 19:24

burnoutbabe · 23/05/2022 19:06

Could you suggest to sister in law that you her and child go out sometimes to explore and leave brother and mother to have sone time on their own too? Seems reasonable to have sone private time?

They will be giving private time, I know them. It's not written down in any concrete plan just yet but it will be there. I will be doing the same with sister in law. She won't be there all the time.

OP posts:
Stomacharmeleon · 23/05/2022 19:43

But honestly that's not your battle to fight. Let her get on with it. You do you and all that bollocks. If you have warned your brother that's as much as you can do. If she then denies there is a problem to him or refuses to engage you have done your bit....
They will still come and I am almost positive all will be fine as she will be so pleased to see him the rest will be a blur....
And you will wonder why you got so het up!

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