The cost of childcare make working difficult!

[Istherehopeforme]

Currently work part time and children go to daycare - 80% of my salary goes on this bill
so very little “ take home pay”. I enjoy my work and need to keep my professional registration up so wouldn’t consider not working despite the lack of financial benefit!
An opportunity in my team has come
up to be full time and as much as I think I’d actually not mind working full time the sums just don’t add up- with full
time daycare rates for one toddler and after schools for older child ( plus full daycare rate for one child in summer rather than after school rate) I’d be taking home £350 a month ! Actually slightly worse off than now .
I mentioned this to a friend today in passing that I was disappointed that will realistically be years before I can advance in work and she went off on one about how I knew I’d need daycare when I planned children, it’s just to be expected and accepted and basically shut me down.
I found this rude considering she and her husband earn double what my household does and her child attends a heavily subsidised daycare due to the area they live in.
Aibu I being unreasonable to be upset at how difficult it is being a working parent ?

We use tax free childcare , have no family option to help, there are no childminders in the area with availability currently so can’t reduce the childcare costs. My partner earns more than me so not worth him reducing hours .

It’s not a % of your pay - it’s a % of the household pay.

YANBU - it is rubbish and a difficult period to go through, but also it is temporary.

Maybe she was blunt but not so much rude ... if you can not afford to have children then don't .. if you have £350 after all costs then you can make that work for the first few years .

If one is a toddler and you're paying full rates, it can't be long till the 30 free hours kick in? That will drastically reduce costs.

YANBU. The whole model is broken. Childcare should be affordable on all wage levels (as indeed should food and energy, and even an occasional luxury). Childcare workers should be paid a wage that reflects their skills, training and the importance of what they do. The only way to bridge that gap is government funding.

Think really hard about whether you can tolerate/absorb the crap pay for a year or so now, because if you can then when 30 hours/full time school kicks in you'll be a year further in your job/career and closer to further progression. That will mean higher wages at the same time as a reduction in childcare costs.

Sometimes it is worth the short term pain for the long term gain.

We had a household income of about £32k when DD started nursery when she was 9months old. Nursery fees were double our mortgage, it was really really tight. My salary has quadrupled because I was back at work full time and could progress. Now DD is 7, we just have holiday childcare to pay for and household income is £102k.

Thanks for the replies, unfortunately our part of the UK doesn’t have the 30 hrs free childcare!
I absolutely agree that the childcare workers need paid well too and tbh I think the fees are reasonable enough but just leaves me feeling aghast that years in university and in a reasonably well paid professional job amounts to very little. We are very fortunate that my husband works too so even though I only make a few hundred pounds a month now we manage fine. Just need to decide if i can work full time to be poorer for awhile( and sacrifice time with the kids ) and will the benefits in the longer term be worth it!!

You say “that years in university and in a reasonably well paid professional job amounts to very little”

It only amounts to very little as you’ve got childcare bills to pay at the moment. If you had a minimum wage job things would be a lot harder.

In our situation we just look at total household income as the looking after the DC is not my sole responsibility! Yes nursery is expensive though! But we both want to work, presumably like you and your partner so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

It's rubbish op. I was in the same situation with my dc. Ended up going part time because working the extra hours just didn't seem worth it with all the childcare to pay and extra fuel doing the nursery runs. Like you I only worked those years to maintain my professional registration. It doesn't last forever, but I remember it being very frustrating working all those hours and coming home with very little each month.

I guess it’s just the way you work it out , as really in you have separate bank accounts etc… half the childcare bill should be your husbands. You work it out based on your wage, but why? joint childcare responsibilities.
our wages go into one pot, everything comes out of one pot… DH and I actually earn the same but it’s always been this case regardless. We just transfer money from our account each month into the tax free account.

go full time if you want too…..if as a family unit you can afford the childcare then that is fine.

The equivalent of my salary came out the joint pot for nursery fees for over two years. But I maintained my registration, my skills, my mental health and the power balance in my marriage.
DC are now 17 and 19 and never ever a single regret. And my pension looks great.

Don't have children if you can't afford them

You know some peoples situations change after having children?

Bit of an ignorant remark.

YABU. Whatever your friends situation she is right - you knew you would need daycare if you continued working and had children knowing this. You can’t have it all and you shouldn’t feel like it’s owed to you either.

Well how does your husband currently afford childcare for his full time job?

Why are you viewing this that you have to pay for all the childcare?

It feels like a lifetime when you’re paying it but as my kids are approaching adults now you realise how small a part of life it is when they are attending full time nursery. It’s very expensive, but the costs are only for a few years. £350 left over isn’t that bad, and as others have said it’s household income so if you deduct your half from your salary it’s not so bad

This. Why is the childcare bill from your wage?

Eeerm, your friend is correct. You also get paid by govt for having children, so whether you can afford to work f/t is your choice. £350 per month take home is far more than many families have to live on per month.

The cost of childcare was why we factored in my only working part time when we bought our first house, so we didn’t mortgage up to the eyeballs. Yes , lower income and smaller mortgage, but I wasn’t working full time for this lower salary. Despite what anyone says, you can’t have it all

YANBU. The extortionate cost of childcare in the uk is a huge barrier to women returning to work, or increasing their hours This comes up continually as an issue in research in this area. The lack of state subsidy to childcare is one of the in-built barriers to women’e squality and financial independence. Women who are able to return to work after maternity leave have much better future earnings prospects than those who don’t return to work for three years.
i see there are comments assuming women have partners whose wage they can live off. Many women don’t have this. For families with children, if they split it is the woman who is far more likely to end up living in poverty.0

Yes, it sucks but it's temporary, you just have to keep telling yourself that. My DS is nearly 9 and I use a wraparound club, in a couple of years he'll be at secondary school and won't need that. You just need to hold out.

You have options.
Stay as you are, go more part time, ask your husband to reduced or consolidate his hours, move to an area that's subsidised like your friend (although this would be silly for the sake of a year or two).

Oh piss off with these comments. Children should bot be a luxury for only the rich.

All of this.

But we also need to stop thinking childcare as coming out of one person's income in a two parent family. There should be one pot.

I also don’t get how so many women work out the cost of childcare coming out of ‘their’ wages when presumably in most cases, the baby is a joint enterprise.

As many will have said, this is a joint cost to the family. Not your cost. Ensure it comes out of a joint pot and do not give up your job.