The cost of childcare make working difficult!

[Istherehopeforme]

Currently work part time and children go to daycare - 80% of my salary goes on this bill
so very little “ take home pay”. I enjoy my work and need to keep my professional registration up so wouldn’t consider not working despite the lack of financial benefit!
An opportunity in my team has come
up to be full time and as much as I think I’d actually not mind working full time the sums just don’t add up- with full
time daycare rates for one toddler and after schools for older child ( plus full daycare rate for one child in summer rather than after school rate) I’d be taking home £350 a month ! Actually slightly worse off than now .
I mentioned this to a friend today in passing that I was disappointed that will realistically be years before I can advance in work and she went off on one about how I knew I’d need daycare when I planned children, it’s just to be expected and accepted and basically shut me down.
I found this rude considering she and her husband earn double what my household does and her child attends a heavily subsidised daycare due to the area they live in.
Aibu I being unreasonable to be upset at how difficult it is being a working parent ?

We use tax free childcare , have no family option to help, there are no childminders in the area with availability currently so can’t reduce the childcare costs. My partner earns more than me so not worth him reducing hours .

I went part time for a few years and got H to pay into my private pension to compensate. Worked well all round.

I didn't mention women in my post. I mentioned a calculation against the salary of the "lower earning parent". Why have you assumed that the default position is that this is the woman?
I don't need to assume. All of the research and statistics show that generally women earn less and that the gender pay gap really kicks in once you start a family. We know that womens careers are disproportionately impacted once they have children. There is plenty of evidence out there to support this.

As you have equally assumed that OP organises childcare
Again, plenty of evidence to support the fact that women are the default carer/organiser when it comes to childcare. Plus the OP doesn't talk about what her husband is doing to organise childcare so he can work. It's all about how she needs to change and adapt.
It's a tale as old as time and it's bloody depressing.

Exactly. Do people really expect you to go “oh well I’ll ignore my biological imperative to reproduce because logically I know money will be tight”. That simply won’t happen.

Also I disagree that people know how expensive childcare is. I certainly didn’t. I saw other people at the same level as me having kids and still managing to work so I thought it must be doable for someone like me. I didn’t understand that they had free family childcare, or had an invisible disability so got free childcare, or had a high earning partner to subsidise them, or had inherited a house so they weren’t paying a mortgage. Turns out that for someone like me, in my situation, it is NOT doable.

You obviously have a high earning husband who could afford to spare the cash to pay into your pension. Most families won’t have that option when they’re surviving on one salary.

Childcare is a joint expense. Don’t look at it as all coming out of your wage.

I will admit that I did not even bother to check how expensive it was before having my children. I lived in many different countries, had an excellent salary, and could not imagine £2K/month nursery cost in my wildest nightmare. I had no idea that so many British women choose to stay at home out of financial necessity, as it is not a topic widely advertised, and it is not a concern for any of my continental friends in deciding whether to return to work or not.

I really don’t understand all the comments about who’s wage childcare comes out of.

If both parents are work they still only earn a certain amount each month into one pot, whether or not childcare comes out of one wage or is split between two, the household funds will be the same?

Rubbish, the government doesn't pay me a penny for having children, no child benefit, nothing.

The childcare bill should be half yours half your husbands all yours

Not all yours !

Firstly the daycare and childcare shouldn't come off just your pay, but from the whole household. I would say that even if what you end up bringing home is not much, working can really help you longterm. Children will be at this age for now and will grow out of needing as much childcare, and at the same time, you will be advancing in your career and doing something you love. Go for it x

I agree it's shit and anyone that peddles the whole "you chose to have kids" thing is just dam right rude. Times have changed, in the past families could manage to live on one wage and women often didnt have career aspirations, they found a man, married had children and spent their lives raising their children and looking after the home. Fast forward to today, many people can't afford to live on one wage and women attend university and have careers as much as men, they also still want a family, why shouldn't they? Unfortunately childcare is expensive so many families are in the difficult position you are in. It's easy to say "well don't have children then" but how is that right? Are hard working people not allowed to have children?

I am in the incredibly fortunate position that family do our childcare for free, without them we'd really struggle as we have a 1 year old and 2 primary age. We have what you'd consider decent ish paying jobs and we both spent many years at uni and worked hard to get to this point. It does make me angry that all that hard work to get a decent job, buy a house etc etc that people then struggle with crippling childcare costs. Meanwhile young couple no education, baby at 18, have a council house handed to them, don't work and don't have any of this worry, they can just keep having babies, oh and they get free nursery hours from age 2 not 3 (yes im aware that's to help the child). There should be more help with childcare for working people, this is people who want to go out and earn.

It's the narrative that's the problem.
If a women is looking at childcare expenses just in relation to her wage rather than as a proportion of both wages then she starts questioning why she bothers working.
It also makes it the woman's issue - you want to work? Then you need to organise childcare, adapt your working pattern to suit the childcare provider and then pay for it.

How many men do this? In fact, there is evidence that women start to think about this before they have children. Women will often factor in flexibility for their future family when making career choices. Again, men don't do this.

Seeing childcare expense as just coming out from the woman's pay does us no favours.

The short-term, joint costs of maintaining 2 careers is balanced out possibly by the long-term benefits for both of you and your children - of career progression, work stability, disposable income, savings and future protections, choices for children and pensions. The cost benefit analyses makes sense for very many families with the short and longer term in mind.

Exactly @brookstar

We need to shift the narrative to put it firmly into being a shared cost. And it also contributes to women earning less than men and to employers thinking that women don't need to earn as much because they're not supporting a family. Even though it's now illegal to pay women less for doing the same job, the pay gap is still massive.

You're not being unreasonable. We also pay through the roof for childcare because we have no family help, and it's upsetting and stressful. I know that comparison is the thief of joy, but seeing colleagues working and keeping all of their salary because their family care for their children is difficult.

I find it unhelpful when people say that we knew what we were signing up for. Yes we did, but that doesn't mean it isn't tough. I think work is always worthwhile no matter how little you take home. So if it's an opportunity you would enjoy then go for it.

Could either/both of you do compressed hours until the free childcare hours start, OP?

This works very well for lots of my colleagues. If both parents compress their hours into 4 days pw, you reduce the amount of paid childcare needed by 40%.

Even though it's now illegal to pay women less for doing the same job, the pay gap is still massive.

It is and it really kicks in once a woman has had a child.

No more needs to be said.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Not as stupid as women automatically taking all the responsibility of paying for childcare, ending up giving up work, chucking their prospects, stability and pension away as " its not worth me working"
Child care is a joint responsibility and yes of course I understand how it affects the family unit as a whole.

Just curious how much is childcare ? Does it depend on where you live in the U.K.

Funny how no one ever thinks its not worth their while to work to pay the mortgage/rent or food bills.

Or thinks these bills only come out of the womans wage

Great advice, so can we borrow the time machine? 😅

Funny how no one ever thinks its not worth their while to work to pay the mortgage/rent or food bills. Or thinks these bills only come out of the womans wage

Of course we all know that men pay these bills as they work to provide for their family where as women work for luxuries......
It won't be long before someone will suggest that the OP cut back on fancy cars and holidays and then she wouldn't have to work

The thing about childcare costs is the really awful bit is temporary. You have to see the sacrifices as short term and remember you probably have 30 years of working to go.