The cost of childcare make working difficult!

[Istherehopeforme]

Currently work part time and children go to daycare - 80% of my salary goes on this bill
so very little “ take home pay”. I enjoy my work and need to keep my professional registration up so wouldn’t consider not working despite the lack of financial benefit!
An opportunity in my team has come
up to be full time and as much as I think I’d actually not mind working full time the sums just don’t add up- with full
time daycare rates for one toddler and after schools for older child ( plus full daycare rate for one child in summer rather than after school rate) I’d be taking home £350 a month ! Actually slightly worse off than now .
I mentioned this to a friend today in passing that I was disappointed that will realistically be years before I can advance in work and she went off on one about how I knew I’d need daycare when I planned children, it’s just to be expected and accepted and basically shut me down.
I found this rude considering she and her husband earn double what my household does and her child attends a heavily subsidised daycare due to the area they live in.
Aibu I being unreasonable to be upset at how difficult it is being a working parent ?

We use tax free childcare , have no family option to help, there are no childminders in the area with availability currently so can’t reduce the childcare costs. My partner earns more than me so not worth him reducing hours .

We have the most expensive childcare in Europe and a significant amount of people in poverty.

YANBU we should be disgusted by the cost and demanding better

Very much so. It also depends on the type of childcare as private nurseries are often more expensive.
We used an excellent nursery for DS and the cost of a full time place was over £800 a month and that was in 2015. I imagine it's gone up significantly now. We're based in the north of England. Tax free childcare helps and when the 30 free hours kicked in we felt rich!!

Childcare (like health care) should be expensive.

We want good quality childcare, right? Then it needs to be expensive. Childcare workers deserve a good wage.

It shouldn't be viewed as the womans responsibility or cost and the govt should do more to subsidise it (but then we'd have to pay more tax)

The OP said this:
An opportunity in my team has come
up to be full time and as much as I think I’d actually not mind working full time the sums just don’t add up- with full
time daycare rates for one toddler and after schools for older child ( plus full daycare rate for one child in summer rather than after school rate) I’d be taking home £350 a month !

If she'd said
An opportunity in my team has come
up to be full time and as much as I think I’d actually not mind working full time the sums just don’t add up- with full
time daycare rates for one toddler and after schools for older child ( plus full daycare rate for one child in summer rather than after school rate) the net financial benefit to our family of my increased hours would be £350 month!

would this have made the "narrative" people happier? Because it won't make the OP any better off and it doesn't change her dilemma.

No, but I hope it would change her mindset.

Agree
The costs to women in terms of financial stability/ pension are huge.
Im in a position now where I have taken early retirement( health) while my peers who gave up work face working for years, they simply cant afford to retire and are very bitter.
Just because you have 30 plus years to work doesnt mean they will be healthy years.

would this have made the "narrative" people happier? Because it won't make the OP any better off and it doesn't change her dilemma

Would the OP have any 'dilemma' if that's how her internal narrative ran?

Suitable, lots of plusses, logistics sorted, and an extra £350 into family funds

Yes they do deserve a good wage, but nurseries are closing at quite a pace as they can't cover their overheads let alone pay staff a higher wage. The answer isn't raising fees as that just means less families will be able to afford it- so they won't be any better off and families will be a lot worse off. Personally I don't aspire to a country where having children is the preserve of the rich. Other governments subsidise early years settings as they recognise the value on children, parents and society as a whole. And no we wouldn't have to pay more tax if the government was sensible about spending the tax we already pay. More people would be able to work if it was more accessible so you'd have more of your precious tax anyway.

@redskyatnight

I dont see a dilemma 🤷‍♀️

Obviously, because giving up work doesn’t remove the need to pay mortgage or food bills. It DOES remove the need to pay for childcare

Childcare costs are a household expense, not a personal expense for you to bear to allow you to work. Your partner also needs someone to care for his DC to enable him to work - he is liable for half of the cost (at least that amount, if he is the higher earner he should be paying a greater proportion).

I am currently effectively paying to work part-time. It is a job that I love, which is why I do it, but it is ridiculous that putting my toddler in nursery for 1.5 days is more expensive than the money I bring in for working 8 hours at more than minimum wage.

@Lazerbeen

Its not my precious tax.

Our whole society is self funded. None of it is free. If we want subsidised childcare (yes, please) it needs to be paid for some how.

The govt not spending tax wisely is a whole other subject.

I agree with this. Also fed up of seeing how the costs of 2 in childcare are crippling….then plan your bloody family so you’re not shelling out 2 lots of childcare at the same time! And before anyone comes in with “not all pregnancies are planned”, if it really matters to you, you can make sure you don’t have an accidental pregnancy.

Newsflash-having a family is a choice, spacing your family is a choice, and it’s also bloody expensive !

It's not a whole other subject though is it? Because they absolutely could prioritise differently and afford it, but they choose not to.

@riotlady

But why is that the womans problem?

Giving up work to avoid paying a bill will never make sense in my view. Especially a bill that is a short term one.

What about twins? The childcare costs also don't stop for everyone when they get to school age, so again, should just rich people be able to have 2 children or do you think that's not a great direction for society to be headed?

@Lazerbeen

What would you like to see prioritised?

Free childcare for 8 hours a day from birth available to all?

Nope, I didn't allude to that at all but good for you for thinking you've made a great point. I think childcare should be more affordable though, the benefits would be numerous and not just for individual families. And having worked in health and social care for many years the wastage and inefficiency is just one area if they made changes they'd have enough to do so.

I doesn't make the family any better off but it might stop her thinking childcare is only her responsibility.
Society still sees childcare as women's responsibility whether that is doing a larger proportion of the actually caring or having the responsibility of sourcing and paying for childcare. We need to shift that mindset if we ever want women to have equality in the workplace.

@Lazerbeen

I was genuinely asking what it was you wanted. Not making a point. What should be available? What is affordable to you?

What waste and inefficiencies do you think they (the govt?) could reduce?

The calculation makes the most sense based on who is the lowest earner, which sadly is often the woman. And going “oh but it’s a joint expense” doesn’t change the reality of that and doesn’t solve it.

Personally we are in a fortunate position where we couldn't comfortably afford to send 5 children to full time childcare (we have 1), but what do I want for society as a whole do you mean?

Affordable would be people not having to leave the workforce because of the cost of childcare, and nurseries having the money to pay staff the living wage as a bare minimum- doesn't seem too crazy in one of the richest countries in the world does it? As to what that looks like, well I wouldn't mind paying whole fees as we can afford it, the ideal I suppose would be that its calculated as a % of household income- albeit this would be unmanageable. I'd say a cap at a limit of 50% of whatever the minimum wage is at the time maybe? Other countries have a variety of models that are effective and haven't left them for broke.

Ah where to start with that one, there are tonnes of inefficiencies but they require work to resolve so we will never see it will we. Social care mixed with some of the NHS for starters. Although admittedly the absolute priority for children should be reopening sure start centres and the link admittedly.the

Could comfortably*

I really hate the comments that the childcare should be coming out of the husband's salary too. It's most often a family pot.

My DH gets paid the equivalent of 3 times what I would if I was full time. It makes no sense for him to work fewer hours for the sake of childcare; we would be worse off! I can guarantee my family is not the only one in that position.