Parents won’t come round without the dog - but I have a brand new house, with a cream carpet

[rightonthemoney]

let me start this by saying I absolutely LOVE my parents dog - I was still at home when they got her, so I’m not completing detached from her!

Anyway, I’ve just moved into my first home with my partner, we live about 45 minutes away now from both sets of parents (the only affordable place left in our county.) My parents came round to see the house when we first got it, about three weeks ago, and I’ve invited them round to see the progress of it this weekend.

My mum said they want to come, but they’d like to bring the dog. I said they can bring her, but she’s not allowed on the carpet. I have a brand new home, with cream carpet. We have no pets or children, so it will stay clean, because I want it to. For reference, she’s a very hairy, smelly cocker spaniel. I’ve said the dog can come in the kitchen, but apparently that isn’t ok…

Anyway - they don’t want to leave the dog for hours on end, which is completely fair enough. However, they would be gone for four/five hours MAX. Plus, my 30 year old brother lives at home! I got frustrated with my mum and this is verbatim the text she sent: “I don’t want her to be alone. Minimum of 50 mins to you, and back so that leaves a couple of hours max at yours….simple, you come here 😊”

Am I being unreasonable?! Just the way she worded the text, expecting me to drive 50 minutes away because of the dog, even though I have invited them to mine. I don’t mind driving to them, but it’s the principle.

Am I going to spend my whole life only travelling to them because they have a dog? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Really needed to vent because I’m so angry!

Tbh why get a cream carpet anyway. The dog is part of the family- yabu

I've lived in Italy at times. In the 1980s a lady came to visit an Italian household and, when she got home, commented to her parents that they were so poor they didn't even have a fitted carpet (the irony is they'd actually just had new boards laid and they had been freshly varnished). The north Italians are clean freaks and like to mop their floors. They find the idea of a fitted carpet frankly and literally disgusting.

Having lived in an Italian house (flat even), a modern, well-maintained place with varnished wood floors and with shoes taken off whenever we entered, it was amazing how filthy the floor got even so. Dust from dead skin cells, dust from clothing, and the floor still blackened the water when the floor was mopped, even if mopped more than once a week. Seriously where is this dirt coming from? Lucky you can mop it eh?

So the dog is probably the least of your worries, but I can understand why you'd not want her on your carpets.

I'm not voting at all because I think your mother is being unreasonable in not coming to you and keeping the dog in your kitchen, and I'm not sure why this is not being picked up on. Seems there is more too it than can be discussed by text.

And, no, if you're wondering. My house was about 50% carpeted when I bought it, and now I only have carpet in my loft room.

Have a day off FFS!

I just had new carpet laid. No way would I have someone's dog over

Nor me. I've had a cream carpet down 5 years and nobody ever spilt anything on it. I'd not let a dog in even if her maj brought a corgi over.

Thanks! Yeah we don’t eat in the lounge, only in the kitchen. Sounds like I’m living in lala land but I’d just like a few years of enjoying my nice carpet 😂 dog is more than welcome in the kitchen - I have nothing against the dog! I’m just more pissed off that my parents are willing to not visit my new house because she can’t come on the carpet. My brother is recovering from a minor operation. he would still be able to let the dog out and give her plenty of love :)

Lol, because I wanted a cream carpet? As I’ve said, numerous times, my partner and I are tidy. We don’t have children or pets, we wanted the carpet colour we liked the best. I didn’t want grey because it darkens the house and we couldn’t get wooden flooring. Besides, I’m not going to change my preferences based on other people…

@Museumland

id put my carpets over someone else’s dog.

dog can stay in kitchen where there is hard flooring

op’s wants are more important than the dogs

simple

@Villagewaspbyke

only a mug would compromise their carpet choice based on someone else’s dog

the dog might be ‘part of the family’ but will be bottom of the hierarchy, the people in the family come first

The only people who think yabu will be those who have dogs and carpets and who either don't see any issue or are offended (insinuating there's someone wrong with their carpets).

It's normal to not want a dog in your home. You don't want muddy paws, smell to linger, hairs, saliva. It's ok to set boundaries, they're welcome to come but dog starts in dog's place.

yup! I would!

parents will not be emotionally damaged by having to be parted from their dog for a couple of hours

I wouldn’t take my dog to someone else’s house anyway, so I’m not saying you should let them bring the dog in the room.

Just... if they’re a 45 minute drive away, the dog will be dry.

Cream carpet - rod for your own back to be honest. That's your problem, not the dog. Might as well get kitchen cupboard doors that show every finger print and a glass coffee table too, if you enjoy cleaning constantly. 😂

They are precious about their dog and you are precious about your carpet. Both entirely different but just respect each other wishes and get over it.

People take their dogs with them for lunch?! Utterly bonkers. Keep saying no, OP.

Thanks, but it hasn’t really got anything to do with the carpet that my partner and I chose for our own house, because we like it 🥰 it’s the fact that people aren’t willing to accept my rules. We have certain rules like taking shoes off before we walk in, not drinking tea and food in the lounge. If I’m not buying my own pet because I like my cream carpet, I’m surely not going to let me parents bring her in, when she is perfectly fine to stay in the kitchen.

If your brother will be at home, then yes, I'd think it was rather extreme of them to feel that they can't leave the dog for an afternoon or evening. I do think the cream carpet would also survive having a dog on it. Wipe the dog's feet with a damp cloth and then a dry one when they arrive, then hoover afterward they leave. It's not a problem.

But ultimately, yes, I'd look askance at my parents refusing to visit me because their dog would be left alone for a while... Though I love my dogs dearly, they are left alone for 4-5 hours at a time, on occasion, and they're okay.

Thanks, that’s what I thought! I think everyone has also ignored the fact that I’m perfectly happy for the dog to come in and just stay in the kitchen. That doesn’t bother me at all!

Loving how you managed to sneak a bit of snobbery in there.

@silentpool

not asserting your boundaries with people is more of a rod for your own back to be honest

HTH 🤣

I just think its hilarious that you won't eat or drink in the lounge because of a sodding carpet

Sorry, don’t most people eat at a table? 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Your house, your rules. I don’t see any issue at seeng your mum at her home all the time or just inviting her for BBQs. I don’t understand either why you are getting a bashing for having a cream carpet, I had white sofas, cream carpet, a child and two dogs, all of us including the carpet were ok, thank you very much. Did I welcome other people’s dogs to my house? Absolutely not!

It is my responsibility as a dog owner to socialise my dogs and deal with their anxieties so they feel ok at home on their own. All this recent mollycoddling of dogs is only making dogs pathologically anxious. Just as with children, the more you keep them in cotton wool the more sensitive they become.

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. You’re allowed to not want the dog on your carpet and they’re allowed to not want to leave the dog or have it only in your kitchen. They obviously don’t want to leave the dog with your brother for some reason.

Do you have seating in your kitchen so the dog can be in the same room as you for the visit? If so, you can do that. If not, in this situation, I’d probably pop in and look at the house for a short time, dog can have a chew toy in the kitchen and then suggest we go out somewhere dog friendly.

You’ll probably see less of them in future though. One of my dogs can’t really be left for long and wouldn’t be happy if she had to be in another room to me. We only really visit people that can accommodate her or people can visit us or we go out somewhere to meet or were restricted on times as to when one of us is home that she can stay with. It has resulted in us seeing some people less but that’s life, people have different priorities.

Also - when you’ve spent your entire savings on a house and getting the extras you want, it makes you a bit precious about your carpet 🥰

You would be surprised at the amount of families that go through life without a table, a lot of them just eat on the sofa in front of the TV day in day out.