Parents won’t come round without the dog - but I have a brand new house, with a cream carpet

[rightonthemoney]

let me start this by saying I absolutely LOVE my parents dog - I was still at home when they got her, so I’m not completing detached from her!

Anyway, I’ve just moved into my first home with my partner, we live about 45 minutes away now from both sets of parents (the only affordable place left in our county.) My parents came round to see the house when we first got it, about three weeks ago, and I’ve invited them round to see the progress of it this weekend.

My mum said they want to come, but they’d like to bring the dog. I said they can bring her, but she’s not allowed on the carpet. I have a brand new home, with cream carpet. We have no pets or children, so it will stay clean, because I want it to. For reference, she’s a very hairy, smelly cocker spaniel. I’ve said the dog can come in the kitchen, but apparently that isn’t ok…

Anyway - they don’t want to leave the dog for hours on end, which is completely fair enough. However, they would be gone for four/five hours MAX. Plus, my 30 year old brother lives at home! I got frustrated with my mum and this is verbatim the text she sent: “I don’t want her to be alone. Minimum of 50 mins to you, and back so that leaves a couple of hours max at yours….simple, you come here 😊”

Am I being unreasonable?! Just the way she worded the text, expecting me to drive 50 minutes away because of the dog, even though I have invited them to mine. I don’t mind driving to them, but it’s the principle.

Am I going to spend my whole life only travelling to them because they have a dog? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Really needed to vent because I’m so angry!

@SillyLittleBiscuit

Wow, swapping for Cyprus for Dorset - that’s true dedication!

your dog is very lucky to have you

Why were you wanting to bring your dogs to a visit to a friends house anyway?

Quite. It's another world to me. I've half a dozen close friends, and also family who have dogs, and over the years some of them 2 or 3. In the past 40 years nobody has ever brought their dog with them, nor even asked if they could. The house I've lived in for 40 years has never had a dog in it Hundreds of kids, friends, friends of friends and relatives from far and wide. Not a single one of their dogs. This seems normal to me. Dragging your dog everywhere seems slightly eccentric.

I miss Protaras I must admit, but it’ll wait!

I’ll stop hogging this thread now 😳

Of course you could. Ours regularly goes into kennels. She’s spoilt rotten in there. No way am I never going to have a holiday in the sun again because I won’t leave the dog, despite loving her more than my bloke!

Mumsnet can be like another world when it comes to dogs

Mumsnet can be like another world when it comes to dogs

Trouble is, the rest of us are forced to live in it.

Saw this today at a market stall selling carpets

You are NOT being unreasonable! Some people see their dogs as their children, BUT YOU are her actual child! The fact that you made a concession and offered to have the dog come, but remain in the kitchen speaks to the fact that you were trying to work with your parents. Your parents don't value you the way they should. Sometimes we have to learn to see our parents as who they actually are and not who we want them to be. If I were you, I would let your mother know how hurt you are that you're inviting her to your new home, making accommodations for their animal in the kitchen and she still won't come to see your new place! That's unreasonable! A dog is NOT a human child - no matter how much you love it or care about it! A dog is simply NOT a human child! To ignore a simple concession from your own flesh and blood and tell them the dog's "feelings" are more important is dismissive. I believe you have probably been chasing your mother's affection for your whole life. You can't make her be different. You also can't make her come. Sometimes you have to back away and know that you tried. In this case, tell her you love her, voice your feelings and then make your peace with her decision. I personally wouldn't go see her until she came to see me because I'm not going to continue to chase after an emotionally distant person, even if they are a parent, if they aren't willing to meet me half way to stay emotionally and physically connected to me! How many times have you been to see her? She can bear a trip to see you and leave the dog in the kitchen! You're being entirely reasonable. Also, get counseling so that you don't spend your life chasing after emotionally unavailable people because of her behavior toward you!

As a parent of a wonderful doodle, I can understand people who think it’s ridiculous to put a dog first. But that is the choice of her parents and if that’s what they choose, that is their right to feel what they feel. My dog is sick and I hesitate to leave him because I don’t want to be gone and have something happen to him. My children have never asked me to come & to bring my dog, but I know I’m welcome without him. I respect their wishes and that is their decision as it’s my decision to visit if there’s someone that I feel can take proper care of my doodle. Her parents have made a choice as has she so you either except it and just continue to be friends or not and be angry with each other till the end of days.

We didnt go abroad for 15 years, our dog went everywhere with us, all outings were based on his ability to go with us (restaurants/shops/pubs/holiday cottages)

I wouldnt have another one because of that, I wouldnt be happy to kennel a dog for holidays so we always went to the UK, he was incredibly well travelled.

Op I think your parents are bonkers. There are plenty if reasonable solutions offered and it seems they want to make a point of it.

You are being reasonable. I would not want new, cream carpet mussed up, either. Esp if dog smells, as you mention.

Your brother is home with the dog. Dog is not alone.

They managed to visit a few weeks ago without the dog.

Op I feel so depressed reading this.

When I was growing up this was unheard of in my world.
My home had one of those incredibly expensive soft real wool carpets. ( Put in by previous owner's).
Shoes on, carpet absolutely fine.
I had a large family of aunt's and cousin's whom we visited....some houses modest council type and some really large rambling homes with front and back staircases 3 floor's etc.

Always shoes on.
I went to three different types of school including private. All shoes on...even the super posh homes with Persian carpets.

The first time I came across shoes off was school mum's for my DC school? And my pils.
The way my pils Have treated us over their home, my poor DH....none of us can bear going any more. Obviously there are other issue's but being treated lower in the pecking order below a carpet was definitely a reason.

It's something I'm not used too.
I can't understand where this maddnes for a piece 9f flooring has come from.

I never wear shoes in the house. Not because of carpets, but because I find slippers more comfortable. I don't wear uncomfortable shoes but to me, kicking my shoes off when I get in must be akin to the mumsnetters who take their bra off when they get home.

This is why I never understand the argument that guests should be able to keep their shoes on for comfort. There will be exceptions for health/disability reasons of course.

I don’t wear shoes in my own house for comfort reasons but I would never ask a guest to take theirs off if they’d prefer to wear them.

I love dogs but the idea they have to be brought everywhere is lunacy. They're not children FGS.

If you think the pavements are 'full of dog shit' now, thank your lucky stars you weren't around in the 70s or earlier.

I think it's so rude to tell guests to take their shoes off at the door. I'm very uncomfortable sitting in someone else's house in stockinged feet/someone else's slippers and I'd never inflict it on guests of my own. And guess what, I'm in my 50s now and not once in all my years has a guest come into the house with shit on their shoes. If people see a pile they typically walk around it and not through it, in my experience.

On the other hand it is also rude for a guest to assume they can keep their shoes on without asking the host first.

I don't ask people to remove shoes, but everyone does anyway because it is the done thing where I live.

@youdothemaths - genuine question, why are you uncomfortable without shoes?

I take my shoes off everywhere I go purely for comfort!

A lot of it probably stems from the time I had to sit around the house of someone I'd only met that day with a great big hole in the foot of my tights where my big toe nail had ripped the seam (obviously, it'd happened since I'd put them on that morning!) 😄 Also being asked to sit in my socks during a business transaction (buying a car from a salesperson who worked from home and requested I take my shoes off before coming in) felt all wrong.

But in general, I just feel a bit too 'undressed' without shoes in a way that's hard to articulate. I think feet are quite an ugly part of the body so that's part of it. I don't sit around in stockinged feet at home either, so it's just not something I'm used to.

I feel a little less uncomfortable if slippers are provided, but am not really keen on shoving my feet into slippers umpteen other people have worn.

Something that's just occurred to me: those who are in the shoes-off brigade, if someone has come without socks/tights on, are you OK with them sitting around your house barefoot (assuming you don't provide slippers)?

I think I'd have far more of a problem with the idea of someone's foot sweat on my carpets than the soles of their shoes, personally. Especially in summer.

Glancing at my carpet, which has a heavy coating of dog hair, and faint mud and shit stains, I think you are very reasonable to not want a dog on your new cream carpet!

Peoples feet dont tend to sweat spontaneously,, they sweat in shoes and socks, not when bare.

I wear bare feet all the time in the house anyway

Well thats insane

are you OK with them sitting around your house barefoot (assuming you don't provide slippers)?

Yes. Why wouldn't I be?

I don't share the weird distaste that some mumsnetters have for bare feet. My friends wear socks with trainers and if it is hot weather they wear sandals so their feet wouldn't be sweaty. Although, in hot weather we would be in the garden anyway.