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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking only car on stag do

351 replies

Clego · 19/05/2022 15:55

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 19/05/2022 15:56

He would take it over my dead body!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 15:57

You can't just plan ahead and stay home for a couple of days?

HMG107 · 19/05/2022 15:57

You are not being unreasonable

StrangeCondition · 19/05/2022 15:58

Fuck that, and why would you offer to pay for a rental car for him? Don't let him take the car and tell him to sort one out for himself. Selfish git

StrangeCondition · 19/05/2022 15:58

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 15:57

You can't just plan ahead and stay home for a couple of days?

Why should she?

AffIt · 19/05/2022 15:59

That's really stupid of your husband - assuming they'll probably be drinking, given that it's a stag so, how much driving will he actually be doing, bar getting to the venue?

As you say, a rental car is by far the more sensible option here. You're going to have to put your foot down on this.

mumofbun · 19/05/2022 15:59

I don't think either of you are being reasonable. It's unfair of him to take your only car without considering you but also i don't think it's that big a task to move the car seat to a hire car if you really need a car for the weekend. What car seat is it that takes such an effort to move?!

I think potentially there is underlying issues here as it sounds like you're not very happy he's going away and leaving you to spend the weekend alone with your son.

Madamecastafiore · 19/05/2022 15:59

He shouldn't be taking the car but unless you have some sort of special car seat they're not that hard to move between cars.

Hugasauras · 19/05/2022 15:59

Honestly for two nights I don't think it's a big deal? We live in a village too, but we could manage fine without a car for a couple of days over a weekend. We wouldn't be housebound though - we would just do stuff locally. I personally think it's unnecessary to pay for a rental car when we already have one that I could easily just not use for a couple of days.

Arrivederla · 19/05/2022 16:00

Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Fit it yourself? 🤔
Struggling to believe that it's that difficult!

Hugasauras · 19/05/2022 16:01

But yes I suspect the back story is more that you aren't happy with how much he has been away, which is fair enough, it sounds like he has been away on quite a few jaunts! I would have zero issue with DH taking our car for a couple of days, but he goes away so infrequently that it would be once in a blue moon that happened anyway and I don't feel resentful about it as I think I've been away more often!

Aprilx · 19/05/2022 16:02

It does seem like it would be easier for him to take the rental rather than you, but only be a small margin surely? I live in the countryside too, DH has gone away for a weekend without me and to be honest it wouldn’t occur to us to hire a car for either of us. I would stock up the fridge and not go anywhere where I need to drive!

tryingtosettle · 19/05/2022 16:02

Hugasauras · 19/05/2022 15:59

Honestly for two nights I don't think it's a big deal? We live in a village too, but we could manage fine without a car for a couple of days over a weekend. We wouldn't be housebound though - we would just do stuff locally. I personally think it's unnecessary to pay for a rental car when we already have one that I could easily just not use for a couple of days.

Agree with this.
Sounds like you have more of an issue with him going away than you do specifically with the car.

ladydimitrescu · 19/05/2022 16:04

You can't manage with no car for two days? It's his brothers stag - I really don't think it's a big deal.
And before anyone starts with "why should she" - why shouldn't he? He bought the car, it's as much his as it is Op's.
I wouldn't even bother with a rental car for a two day period, that seems totally over the top tbh.
It's him going away that's the issue isn't it?

Comedycook · 19/05/2022 16:04

Very selfish. We have one car. If dh ever goes somewhere without me and the DC, he always takes public transport so I still have access to the car

Belephant · 19/05/2022 16:05

Can I ask out of curiosity, is it the Joie i-Spin Safe? The thing drives me bloody mad lol.

But to the matter at hand, YANBU he can and should absolutely get a rental car!

Lolllllllllllll · 19/05/2022 16:06

It sounds like you are being unreasonable. It's only two nights? Can you invite some friends or family over or just plan some things to do in your home.
Wanting to have the car in case of emergencies seems a bit OTT. Presumably there are plenty of times when only one of you uses the car and leaves the other one car'less.

Are there any local buses? If so you could plan a bus trip if your son is old enough to be excited by it.
What do you do about the car seat when the car goes in for a service? If you look for YouTube videos I bet there will be one to show you how to fix it in another car? I know they are cumbersome but i can't imagine it's something that you have to be male to do.

Why don't you plan a night away another time.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 19/05/2022 16:06

This reply has been deleted

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savemeagin · 19/05/2022 16:06

We live in a village and it would not bother me at all if DH took the car for a couple of nights. You can still leave the house for walks and such like. Make sure the fridge is stocked prior. If there is a genuine emergency - that's what 999 is for or you ask neighbours to assist. I'd always help a neighbour in need.
I'm also going with the bigger issue is you don't want him going away for another 2 nights, rather than him taking the car.

CapMarvel · 19/05/2022 16:07

Unless you specifically need the car for something else surely it makes sense for DH to take car rather than paying out to rent?

It can't be that hard to fit/remove the car seat either. If it's too heavy for you I'm sure you can instruct DH on how to do it, the whole point of them is that any idiot can fit them.

Belephant · 19/05/2022 16:08

Aprilx · 19/05/2022 16:02

It does seem like it would be easier for him to take the rental rather than you, but only be a small margin surely? I live in the countryside too, DH has gone away for a weekend without me and to be honest it wouldn’t occur to us to hire a car for either of us. I would stock up the fridge and not go anywhere where I need to drive!

As a fellow rural-dweller, I understand what you're saying but also what if (god forbid) some emergency happens and she has to drive her children to the hospital? Good luck waiting for an ambulance in my neck of the woods. This is the main reason I personally would never be left without access to a car with my child.

nearlyspringyay · 19/05/2022 16:08

Can't someone else going give him a lift or he gets PT / taxi to station / what ever he needs to do.

We've only got one car, I wouldn't dream of taking it when I go away and neither would DH.

I would be focusing on you getting the equivalent number of nights away.

Bathroom2022 · 19/05/2022 16:08

It's really selfish of him. We don't have access to even a shop without a car and I would feel completely miserable, and also worried in an emergency.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 19/05/2022 16:11

Belephant · 19/05/2022 16:08

As a fellow rural-dweller, I understand what you're saying but also what if (god forbid) some emergency happens and she has to drive her children to the hospital? Good luck waiting for an ambulance in my neck of the woods. This is the main reason I personally would never be left without access to a car with my child.

Show quote history

do you also have a back up car for “emergencies” when your car is in the garage for example?

In my 30 years I’ve never had an emergency that required me driving anywhere in the middle of the night. And in the two nights that DH is going to be away the chances are small to none.

If god forbids something does go wrong for some reason, you’d call emergency services or go to a neighbourhood if it was life or death.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 19/05/2022 16:12

Bathroom2022 · 19/05/2022 16:08

It's really selfish of him. We don't have access to even a shop without a car and I would feel completely miserable, and also worried in an emergency.

Because it’s UNTHINKABLE to go two days without visiting shops🙄oh dear …