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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband taking only car on stag do

351 replies

Clego · 19/05/2022 15:55

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 19/05/2022 17:34

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 17:12

Why so snarky?

Why the fuck should the OP limit her weekend to walking distance while her DH is off on his third night away since they've had DS?

I bet the OP hasn't had 3 nights away in the last year and she'd never leave her DH at home with him while driving off into the sunset to party.

Fine to only have one car if you don't need a second one, but both parties have to co-operate when a second one is needed, to minimise inconvenience all round.

The person looking after DS keeps the family car, because who CBA switching car seats around? Especially as it also sounds like the OPs DH suffers from strategic incompetence to save him from being the one having to do the faffing?

Show quote history

My point is that she doesn't have to limit herself and can invite family / friends out, but even if she did, it's hardly the end of the world.

Why should any of us do anything to help out our partners? Why shouldn't H take the car is just as valid a question as why should OP stay at home.

I have no idea if OP has had nights away, but if she hasn't then that's on her to solve and is a separate issue to this.

A second car clearly isn't needed if the battery goes flat through infrequent use. Millions of people around the country manage without cars permanently, not just for 48 hours, and many of those live rurally with little public transport. I did it myself for many years. I assure you it is not a punishment.

The person who needs the car needs the car, DS doesn't figure in. If you're having to travel long distances then you probably need the car. If you have no plans then you probably don't.

rwalker · 19/05/2022 17:40

Really can't see the issue you are clearly pissed of about the stage do and using this .
Seem like you think you should have 100% use of the car so how does DH has to manage without it all the time .
Sharing isn't ideal but not the end of the world you could make this work if you wanted to but clearly don't.

JustLyra · 19/05/2022 17:40

He’s being a knob.

You’re not even suggesting leaving him car-less (which I would be for a stag do unless he’s teetotal), just that it’s easier for him to take the hire car

tttigress · 19/05/2022 17:41

Couldn't you just stay home and get an expensive taxi in an emergency (which is highly unlikely to happen)?

It sounds like your issue is with the stag do rather than the car.

Spectre8 · 19/05/2022 17:42

You chose to live rurally, you then chose to get rid of your car and you also chose a car seat that's difficult to set up. Maybe you should consider that your choices have led you to this.

Its 2 nights if you cant enjoy being in your house for 2 days or go out for a walk then you have bigger problems that your husband taking his car

Clymene · 19/05/2022 17:42

tttigress · 19/05/2022 17:41

Couldn't you just stay home and get an expensive taxi in an emergency (which is highly unlikely to happen)?

It sounds like your issue is with the stag do rather than the car.

Oh what grounds did you come to that conclusion? I'm baffled.

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 17:43

I appreciate you said you live in a village but presumably there are amenities within walking distance and/or bus services (even if infrequent, and you'll need to plan

I think a few people overestimate the amenities that you find in the average village.

I live in a village two miles from a town and 5 miles from a city. There's one tiny crappy set of play equipment on a hard surface and a football field that's used by dog walkers, neither of which would be suitable to take a 1 YO to. No ducks, no cafe, no soft play.

Buses are every 30 minutes in the day time and if you want to go anywhere other than the next town or city, that's two buses, two sets of bus fares each way and a lot of waiting around. If I wanted to go to some of the places I can drive to in half an hour and like to visit like the country parks etc, that's 1.5 to 2 hours on the bus. Each way.

And that's a lot of buses compared to a lot of more rural villages where you can count the number of buses a week on one hand.

MarvellousMay · 19/05/2022 17:44

What’s his reason for declining the hire car as an option?

tttigress · 19/05/2022 17:44

Clymene · 19/05/2022 17:42

Oh what grounds did you come to that conclusion? I'm baffled.

Show quote history

Due to the fact that she had to preface here "concerns" about the car, with details about previous stag do's, and times she has been left alone post DC.

Dillydollydingdong · 19/05/2022 17:46

What a selfish prick

rwalker · 19/05/2022 17:46

Clymene · 19/05/2022 17:42

Oh what grounds did you come to that conclusion? I'm baffled.

Show quote history

Because you can manage without a car plenty of people do . Taking the car off him is just proving a point and being awkward .

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 19/05/2022 17:47

Well we live an hour away from our home town so have often gone there for a couple of nights without the other and taken the car so that wouldn't bother me.

Vikinga · 19/05/2022 17:48

Come on op, it is one weekend! Just take him for a walk. Ask a neighbour/friend round. Arrange a playdate. Just because you don't have a car doesn't mean you have to spend all the time inside.

Yabu

Bresmith · 19/05/2022 17:50

I don't see why he can't take the rental car. He could even rent a "fun" car for the stag do. It definitely seems like that is the more simple option. We have a big carseat too and it is a freaking nightmare to move around and just a giant nuisance. Both my husband and I avoid having to do this. I work from home and take care of our son and while I rarely ever use it, I am never left without a car, it just isn't safe so I agree with you being left without a car is less than ideal. Finally, I would point out that he is the one who is getting to go out and have fun so he can be the one to have to go through the minor inconvenience of getting the rental car.

luckylavender · 19/05/2022 17:53

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 15:57

You can't just plan ahead and stay home for a couple of days?

Why should she?

ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2022 17:54

MN is absolutely full of couples point scoring and resentful that the other person has got a bit of a better deal for a short time

Absolutely no need for a car for a weekend. It’s summer and you have a one year old - perfect for sitting in the garden all weekend. No dramas.

FixTheBone · 19/05/2022 17:58

Both being unreasonable.

I'd like to think him agreeing to use a rental car shouldn't be that big of a deal...

...also would like think that moving a child seat isn't that big of a deal either.

Janie576 · 19/05/2022 18:01

Hang on, he's leaving you to look after your DS solo, and getting a few child free fun-filled days, yet he also expects to inconvenience you further by taking the car? And you offered to pay for a rental, why on earth would you do that? Sometimes on MN I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe where people don't understand how to be decent to one another. Did he ask you if it was OK if he went on the stag do, or tell you he's going? Here's how I would have expected it to go down in my house: DH - "Please can I go on DB's stag do, I know I've been away a few times already, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Of course I'll get public transport/hire a car. I know it's rubbish on your own with DC, I'll do all night feeds for a week on my return/organise a weekend away for just us/whatever." I cannot imagine a scenario where I'd be paying for a car rental for my DH, if I let him go on the stag do. And yes he does need my agreement to go thank you very much, because he has joint parental responsibility for our child. If he wanted to take the car too, he'd just be told no. Why can't you just say no to your husband?

KirkyKerk · 19/05/2022 18:04

Why should she?

Why shouldn't DH be allowed to use his own car for a one off trip?
I honestly think op is just trying to manipulate matters so he can't go on a jolly.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 18:06

KirkyKerk · 19/05/2022 18:04

Why should she?

Why shouldn't DH be allowed to use his own car for a one off trip?
I honestly think op is just trying to manipulate matters so he can't go on a jolly.

It's the family's car

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 18:07

But he can go.

He can hire a car.
He can go on the bus (if it's good enough for the OP.....)
He can get a lift with one of the other stags.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 18:07

Why can't he car share? Or take public transport?

He's got a weekend off being a dad, one of several. I bet the OP hasn't had any.

God the need some women on here have to lie down and be walked over by the mighty peen is so bloody depressing.

KirkyKerk · 19/05/2022 18:08

It's the family's car

So not the ops to withhold then …

ChoiceMummy · 19/05/2022 18:10

Clego · 19/05/2022 16:15

Yes it's this car seat! Our previous car seat was honestly no problem to move between cars, but this one is heavy, unwieldy and actually takes me 45 minutes and a lot of swear words.

I really don't mind that he's going - it is his brother's stag after all - but I would like him to appreciate that him going means more childcare for me, so if he can make my life a little bit easier then he should prioritise that?

Also if I didn't have DS then I would just plan not to go anywhere for a few days, but: 1) being at home all day with a one year old can be hard work, so I'd like the option of going out and 2) I want to be able to take DS to hospital in case there's an emergency

You seem to be really making a mountain out of a molehill here!

You're rural, so if you want to go out go out, walking lo, have a picnic, go into the garden. It doesn't necessitate that going out requires car!

As for hospital. How many times have you needed to take your 1yo to the hospital as an emergency in the last year? Do what many rural dwellers do, use the local pharmacy for advice, if necessary get a taxi or ambulance if such an emergency.

Surely you don't really living life based on potential hospital visits?

Janie576 · 19/05/2022 18:12

And not the DH's to take without OP's agreement. OP's already explained why it's inconvenient not having the car, the DH shouldn't be inconveniencing her at all so he can go on a jolly. He's a grown man on his own, he doesn't need to consider a taking a baby everywhere he goes, he can sort alternative transport easily.