Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking only car on stag do

351 replies

Clego · 19/05/2022 15:55

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

OP posts:
HettyHoo · 19/05/2022 16:52

Come on its only a weekend. Its really not so traumatic for you to stay in for a couple of days is it?!

ZekeZeke · 19/05/2022 16:53

Will your DH be drinking? If so, I wouldn't be happy with him driving.
Can he get a lift with someone else?

PinkSyCo · 19/05/2022 16:54

Considering that you have offered to pay for a rental car for your DH, it’s obvious that it’s very important to you not to be without transport for 2 days so yes, it makes much more sense for you to have the family car and him the hired. What are his reasons for making a fuss about that?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 16:55

HettyHoo · 19/05/2022 16:52

Come on its only a weekend. Its really not so traumatic for you to stay in for a couple of days is it?!

Apparently so. According to some of these responses, it's akin to a prison sentence. 🙄

jessica2005 · 19/05/2022 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cervinia · 19/05/2022 16:55

Why can’t he car share with another stag attendee?

HappyMeal564 · 19/05/2022 16:56

Arrivederla · 19/05/2022 16:00

Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Fit it yourself? 🤔
Struggling to believe that it's that difficult!

Yes this sounds a bit odd. How would things go if you wanted to take the car for 2 days? I don't see this as a problem, stay local or get the bus

LookItsMeAgain · 19/05/2022 16:56

Ok - you sold the family second car because it was being used so infrequently, why would this particular weekend be so different, that you must have a car? If your DH was going away for work rather than a stag weekend, would he be allowed to take the car or would you be having the same dilemma?

I'm just throwing these questions out there because I can't see anywhere on the thread if they have been asked yet.

Unless there is a reason why you got a really heavy, very difficult to move car seat for your child, I'd recommend that you hire a car for you for the weekend and move the car seat into it. Use joint funds if you do that too.

FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 19/05/2022 16:56

Does he really need the car? Could you not drop him off at the train station and pick him up?

Seems a bit daft getting a hire car just incase there's an emergency.

hedgehoglurker · 19/05/2022 16:58

We now also only have one car, rural with no public transport. My husband recently took a taxi to airport so that I had the car. We were going to get a hire car for me, but taxi was cheaper for him to use. He wouldn't dream of leaving me isolated for more than a working day, especially with a child.

Nocutenamesleft · 19/05/2022 16:58

What car seat do you have?

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 16:58

Can't he get public transport or a lift with one of the others? Could you drop him off and pick him up at a station or mates house then you can keep the car.

What if you want to visit relatives, go swimming or anything else that would be far easier if you could drive?

It seems silly him taking the car with him when he's likely to not be able to drive it if he's drinking.

KirkyKerk · 19/05/2022 16:59

Sorry but I'm another one who just can't see what you're whining about. It's not a big deal, and I say that as a village dwelling, one car family with 4 kids.
The emergency issue is just a non starter too, the chances are so minimal.
It really sounds more like you're trying to throw up these "issues" as obstacles to stop him from going.

hoorayandupsherises · 19/05/2022 16:59

What is he saying to justify not taking the hire car? Other than I want my car, presumably. It makes no sense when you've offered that alternative.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 17:00

Why can't he carshare? Or use public transport?

Ponderingwindow · 19/05/2022 17:00

Disclaimer, where I live, being left without a car is completely isolating. It would mean not being able to get medical attention for a child for something that was serious but that was not an emergency. There is a service for the elderly and disabled but everyone else is expected to make provision for themselves.

i would never let DH leave me without a car. I also would not move the car seat just so he didn’t have to drive a rental.

TheCraicDealer · 19/05/2022 17:01

Yes I was going to say about the alcohol too. If he drinks and he's going on his brother's stag then I would hazard a guess he wouldn't be safe to drive the morning he's due to return after two days of steady drinking. If he has the option of getting a lift, train or bus then I would try and encourage him towards doing that (and facilitate lifts to the station etc) for reasons aside from just the inconvenience of you not having the car for two days. No one wants to be breathalysed at the side of the road and get a fail, or worse.

I would also really struggle with being in the house with toddler DD for two days, with no prospect of a change of scene. She'd hate it too to be fair!

hoorayandupsherises · 19/05/2022 17:01

Oh, wanting to be able to go out and about during your "free" (obviously, you have a small child, so not free exactly) time and being prepared to pay for it is perfectly justified!

Lockheart · 19/05/2022 17:05

As a one-off, YABU. If you can't bear to stay in a walking distance radius for two days, could you arrange a trip out with a friend or family member and offer to pay petrol?

JinglingHellsBells · 19/05/2022 17:06

I think you ought to get another car, regardless of this event. If either of you needs a car in an emergency, the other one of you is stuffed if you need one too!

@Lovemypeaceandquiet At the moment, ambulances are taking far too long to get to anyone and I think it's sensible to have your own transport if you can afford another car- even a cheap one. Just because you have never needed to go anywhere at night , doesn't make being car-less in a village with a baby a sensible thing to do, does it?

Cavviesarethebest · 19/05/2022 17:08

Of course it’s not okay!!

of course a medical emergency is very very unlikely but it is absolutely not impossible.

so many be cool wives on here who I imagine are trying to justify why their crap husbands would do the same thing.

a nice and considerate partner would not do this.

it’s not as if you want him to not go!

Hugasauras · 19/05/2022 17:09

I think it's bonkers to have a second car just for the remote possibility that there will be an emergency where driving by car is the best option on the odd occasion you don't have access to your car Confused What a total waste of money.

JinglingHellsBells · 19/05/2022 17:09

, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery

You can put batteries on charge OP and also take it for a long run to keep it topped up.

I think this is more about your being assertive and getting back some independence. I can't quite understand why you'd sell a car because the battery was going flat. (Get a charger!)

JinglingHellsBells · 19/05/2022 17:11

So I assume your H works from home and the car is sitting in the drive all day usually?

How do you manage usually- do you go out with your baby when he is working and if so, how?

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 17:12

Lockheart · 19/05/2022 17:05

As a one-off, YABU. If you can't bear to stay in a walking distance radius for two days, could you arrange a trip out with a friend or family member and offer to pay petrol?

Why so snarky?

Why the fuck should the OP limit her weekend to walking distance while her DH is off on his third night away since they've had DS?

I bet the OP hasn't had 3 nights away in the last year and she'd never leave her DH at home with him while driving off into the sunset to party.

Fine to only have one car if you don't need a second one, but both parties have to co-operate when a second one is needed, to minimise inconvenience all round.

The person looking after DS keeps the family car, because who CBA switching car seats around? Especially as it also sounds like the OPs DH suffers from strategic incompetence to save him from being the one having to do the faffing?