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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband taking only car on stag do

351 replies

Clego · 19/05/2022 15:55

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

OP posts:
SeemsSoUnfair · 19/05/2022 17:13

In our house it doesn't matter who bought the car we are married and what his is mine and mine his and all the shit. He wouldn't be taking the family car away for a weekend leaving us housebound, because it is unreasonable, he just wouldn't even suggest it. It is one of those things when you have one car and two adults, you do what is best for your family unit, not just yourself.

If you are a family where a couple gets married, shares a house, body fluids and a child but for some insane reason don't trust each other to share everything financially and materially and it is "his" car, then maybe rethink your setup as it doesn't work with his attitude.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 19/05/2022 17:13

Also, can someone give me an example of an emergency that could happen to a one year old child overnight?

If he stops breathing, the OP wound to drive him anywhere anyways, she’d have to perform CPR and wait for an ambulance.

If he falls and bumps his head and is conscious, you call a taxi/go to a neighbour - if not breathing - CPR and waiting for emergency services.

The odds of any of that happening in the 48 hrs are rather slim, and in most of life or death situations the OP wouldn’t drive the child anyway.

if you’re truly living somewhere so secluded you’ve got no one around that could help in such case and no ambulance can get to/you’re hrs away from civilisation, you should think of moving.

If my DH told me not to use my car and to get a rental when I want to use it, I’d think he’s ridiculous.

Binsk · 19/05/2022 17:13

If you used your car so infrequently the battery constantly went flat, would you really need a car those 2 days after so long of barely using one? In that situation, I would make sure I had everything I needed already in, so I didn't have to go anywhere that weekend. If you do still have to/want to go somewhere, get the hire car for yourself? Surely the car seat isn't so big that you physically can't manage to install it?
If you were without a car and it was a dire medical emergency, they would send an ambulance out, or you could get a taxi if urgent but not life-threatening. At least that's what I've figured when I've been briefly without a car due to repairs or whatnot.

Oblomov22 · 19/05/2022 17:15

No. This doesn't make sense. He can take the train or a cab.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 19/05/2022 17:16

Don’t let you child play with fire, electrics or anything sharp and you should survive without any emergency.

Wexone · 19/05/2022 17:16

Its one weekend. Two nights. I think you can plan ahead and be organized. Or if you really want a car why don't you invite friends or family to stay. You live in a village so presume shops are walking distance for you. It will be June, it will be nice weather aswell, to enjoy at home. I also live in the country, nearest shop is at least 15 min drive. Today the car was driven for the 1st time since Sunday, yes my partner went to work every day ( he didn't have to stop in shops or anything for me either on way home) so wasnt on my own at eve but during the day i didn't need to drive in my car. It wasnt isolating at all. You can spend days in your home and enjoy it.

mrsm43s · 19/05/2022 17:17

Honestly, I'd be quite happy without a car for a weekend. I'm an organised person, so I'd organise stuff to do well in advance that didn't require the use of a car (either by choosing something within walking distance, accessible by public transport or by arranging for someone to visit me/pick me up en route), I'd make sure that I'd done shopping (including loads of treats for me) in advance and have the fridge loaded and full, and in the very unlikely event of a medical emergency, I'd call a cab/an ambulance/ask a friend or neighbour to help out, depending which was the most appropriate.

If you MUST have a car at your disposal at all times, then you shouldn't have got rid of your own car. You're expecting permanent first dibs on your DH's car, which isn't fair. He's going away with your agreement, it's perfectly reasonable for him to take his own car with him, since he needs to use it.

Harridan1981 · 19/05/2022 17:18

Honestly, I'd just stay home if public transport wasn't possible. We have 3 kids and 1 car.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 19/05/2022 17:18

greatblueheron · 19/05/2022 16:39

Why the hell should she be stuck at home in the summer entertaining a one year old?

Show quote history

It's for two days - he's not disappearing for a week!

harridan50 · 19/05/2022 17:18

But you let your car go because you hardly used it so surely you can manage a weekend with no car

eddiemairswife · 19/05/2022 17:19

I'm assuming you have a mobile phone and a few acquaintances. Get their numbers in case of a genuine emergency.

mudgetastic · 19/05/2022 17:19

Well I guess most weekends she had access to the other car or they do thing together

Hire a car make him move the seat for you

SkankingWombat · 19/05/2022 17:22

YANBU. There have been times where we've been down to one car and either me or DH have had a jolly booked. Usually we'll drop the other to the station and either collect (if a reasonable hour) or the boozy person gets a taxi home. On occasion, we have got a lift with someone else who was going. Taking the car and leaving the other adult & DCs stuck at home has never been suggested from either side.

LowlandLucky · 19/05/2022 17:22

You will cope, plenty of people do. If you have a medical emergency phone an ambulance. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill

ladycarlotta · 19/05/2022 17:22

When our baby was small and my partner went away - usually for something like a stag do - he'd make sure he bent over backwards to make everything else as convenient as possible for me while I was alone with the baby. He knew he was asking a favour and he wanted to make it easy.

I think the issue is that your partner hasn't shown you that same consideration, or it hasn't occurred to him that he should do so. Given that he's the one going off to have fun, I feel he should take care of all the other details that make that possible, including hiring the rental car for himself. Why making being alone with the baby any harder than it needs to be? None of this should be your sacrifice.

Alcibiade · 19/05/2022 17:22

You are not being unreasonable. Your husband, on the other hand, is a total arsehole.

We have two cars, but if we only had one, there is no way I would want to take it to a stag do and leave my wife and child without a car at home for two days.

Why does he need to have a car if he is attending a stag do? It's not his responsibility to drive his brother around, is it?

JinglingHellsBells · 19/05/2022 17:23

@Lovemypeaceandquiet Are you currently in the UK?

Surely you have heard of the long waits for ambulances and people dying almost(if they'd not gone to A&E in a car?) I know of someone who waited for over 2 hours in a huge city and the person was possibly having a heart attack. (Thankfully they weren't.)

Princessoftheuniverse · 19/05/2022 17:24

Why are people telling OP to manage without a car? Maybe she could but she doesn’t want to. Her DP wants to have his cake and eat it. Utterly selfish. It’s not as if he won’t have a car to use.

iBrows · 19/05/2022 17:26

You aren’t housebound, he’s taking the car not breaking your legs. During covid we all stayed in way longer than that anyway (not that you will have to). Some people can’t drive and they manage.

If you are feeling down about him going to the stag do just say it.

Do you have friends that could come over and keep you company?

LoisLane66 · 19/05/2022 17:26

You are being ridiculous and it stands out a mile. Don't tell me that a 1year old tires you out and you can't go anywhere without a car. Unbelievable. There are buses and walks. Fresh air and sunshine. Parks and feeding ducks or finding a nice cafe outdoors and taking the buggy. You gave two legs and plenty of time to have fun outdoors. What about getting a paddling pool and you and baby can enjoy the garden.
What about friends in your neighbourhood? Arrange something in a soft play area.
You seem so unimaginative regarding finding things to do on a weekend with one child and IMV, whatever you say, it's much more about you not wanting your OH to have a weekend away.

LoisLane66 · 19/05/2022 17:27
  • have, not gave.
Nowfeeltheneedtopost · 19/05/2022 17:29

This is bonkers! Not having a car doesn't mean you are restricted to the house. You walk to places or take public transport. I appreciate you said you live in a village but presumably there are amenities within walking distance and/or bus services (even if infrequent, and you'll need to plan).

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 19/05/2022 17:30

It's 2 days, surely you can manage for that? Your husband is being a bit selfish though, is he always like this?

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 19/05/2022 17:32

The car is a big stinking red herring.

CaitoftheCantii · 19/05/2022 17:34

Keep car with you, he can’t drive if he’s drinking on a stag do anyway, so he’s unlikely to need the car all weekend either. Offer to drop him off/pick him up.

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