Husband taking only car on stag do

[Clego]

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

I wouldn't be happy with dh taking the only car - but I think that becomes part of the discussion when you go down to 1 car from 2. I have an old car which costs me each year to keep on the road however there is no way I would give it up for dh to take the only car away for the weekend /to work every day.

Yes it's this car seat! Our previous car seat was honestly no problem to move between cars, but this one is heavy, unwieldy and actually takes me 45 minutes and a lot of swear words.

I really don't mind that he's going - it is his brother's stag after all - but I would like him to appreciate that him going means more childcare for me, so if he can make my life a little bit easier then he should prioritise that?

Also if I didn't have DS then I would just plan not to go anywhere for a few days, but: 1) being at home all day with a one year old can be hard work, so I'd like the option of going out and 2) I want to be able to take DS to hospital in case there's an emergency

@Lovemypeaceandquiet I guess unfortunately I am not so lucky in my life as I've had a good few such emergencies (thankfully none involving my child), which makes me more cautious going forward. Last time I had to call emergency services in my locality it was about 6pm ish and they didn't arrive until the next morning. Hence why I always want the option of a car if possible!

We have only ever had one car. We just work around that-and sometimes with 3 teens that could get complicated.

On one occasion I did hire a car, but dh was away for a week, and I had a medical appointment to get one of the dc to which would have meant having the day out of school to use public transport rather than half a morning. (2 buses, 3 trains there and same back).
For a weekend I'd just plan what I did round not having the car.

It depends on what his attitude is towards the car tbh. Does he see it as HIS car that he gets to take away when he wants? Where would the money come from to hire one for him to use? You said OP that you offered to pay for it.

We live in London, so we could get by fine without a car for the weekend, but in our household, the rule would be: the person having to ferry DC around gets the car, the single adult who will no doubt be drinking a fair bit gets himself around by public transport and taxi.

It sounds like you’re more pissed off with the amount of times he’s been away and your just focussing that onto the car. It’s two days. You can plan home based activities for a couple of days. It’s not the end of the world. I grew up in a small poorly connected village and we coped when the car was in the garage. And not everyone in the village could drive and they have survived for decades.

for emergencies there are emergency services

Unfortunately they are extremely overstretched - it was a six hour wait for an ambulance last time we called.

YANBU. The person with the kid gets the car. The person going on the jolly has to figure something else out. That's the rule.

YANBU. He either gets a lift or a hire car. You as a couple decided you’d sacrifice having 24/7 access to a car for financial reasons. But that doesn’t mean he can unilaterally decide that you don’t have access to one at all.

YANBU - we have one car and small children. The car stays with the kids, even if it won't necessarily be used.

Not sure some folk realise what rural living is like - its a 40 minute trip to the nearest hospital from my Dads, by car.

Wait for an ambulance for anything but actual heart attack - 6 hours plus.

If theres no financial objection to renting a car, it makes sense for the OP's DH to rent a car!

He’s an arsehole

He really isn't, and that is a very unhelpful comment.

OP does he need a car? Can he get a train/bus? Could you take him to the station and someone else collects him somewhere and takes him with them? I am sure you could work something out if you look at a map.

As for being "housebound", if your child needed to go to hospital I assume you could also call a taxi. But if you are really rural (ie out in the sticks, not a reasonable sized village) I probably would feel a bit cut off too.

When do you get to take the car and have a couple of nights away with out H & DC?

Why the hell should she be stuck at home in the summer entertaining a one year old?

Seems like there's more to this than just the car, because if you were happy with him, it shouldn't bother you.

I live outside of a small town and I don't drive. I can get the bus, or in emergencies I'd get a taxi, or if god forbid it was something really serious, I'd call for an ambulance like when my little girl had her first seizure. Its a non issue.

BUT

It sounds like you have a problem with him going away so often? That should probably be what you actually need to talk to him about.

I meant to vote YABU but accidentally voted YANBU!

Its a weekend, without a car. No big deal.

To me it sounds as if theres another issue here than just the car - because I just cant see how a weekend without a car is a big deal.

If this is because he wants to show off his Merc/BMW/Audi, then it would really piss me off. He will want to take out the car seat, so that he doesn't look like he's driving Mummy's car?
Honestly can he not link up with one of the other Stags? I mean he will be drunk most of the time.
ps You can hire a child seat with a rental car

The occasional taxi would be cheaper than a rental car. And if the emergency wasn't ambulance worthy, that's where a taxi comes in anyway.

I also live rurally, but it seems like you (and some posters) are making a drama out of a mild irritation. I'd certainly not consider hiring a car for a weekend. But if you insist on it, why not pick it up before he leaves and return it once he's home? Then he can transfer the car seat.

Who would’ve thought that only recently we were in lockdowns with VERY stretched emergency services and very infrequent trips to the shops, and yet we managed.

if you live so rurally, I can imagine there’s plenty of ways you can entertain a one year old without driving. What happened to just taking a child for a walk? What if your car broke down for two days?

My mother must’ve been a superhuman being a single mum of two with no car.

Why can't he share a lift with someone (if they live nearby) or use the train? I can't believe he'd want to leave you completely stranded, that's bad.

I think you should be able to manage without a car for one weekend.

It’s not unhelpful. So many women accept arseholish behaviour from men so I’m pointing it out. My DH would not ever consider leaving me feeling isolated and stranded for a weekend.