DH pulling out of his friend's wedding due to this

[TeenyQueen]

This is actually DH's AIBU.
17 years ago when DH was a uni student he gave his friend free dental treatment. DH is an extremely loyal friend and he is still good friends with all of his old school friends.

This particular friend, call him John, is a total waste of space and made no effort with DH for years so they just lost touch, and they fell out years ago because I didn't invite him to DH's surprise birthday party. Anyway, DH and John are both ushers at their mutual friend's wedding this autumn and completely randomly John messaged DH to say that he's having issues with the tooth DH treated 17 years (!) ago so he wants several thousand £ or he's going to take legal action against him. He also said that he was planning to discuss this at the wedding this autumn, so he was planning to ambush DH and cause a scene at their friend's wedding.

Now legally, John has zero case against DH because the treatment was done 17 years ago and there are other factors too, but now DH really doesn't want to go to this wedding and be forced to 'work' with
John for the whole day. He's actually worried that they'll end up getting into a fight if John tries to get into an argument with him. Their mutual friend, the groom, knows all about this and is annoyed with John, but still really wants DH to be there for him.

I can't go to the wedding because we have young DC and they haven't been invited, and the wedding is a 5 hour drive from home so we couldn't go up just for a day. I'm also breastfeeding the baby so I couldn't leave DC with anyone, not that we have family here who could look after them anyway.

So is DH BU wanting to back out, but I'm also a bit surprised that John will still be in the wedding party, even after he planned to use the wedding to ambush DH?

I completely agree with this!

John doesn't have a leg to stand on because he is way past the limitation period. The status of the treatment is irrelevant.

Indeed.

Now legally, John has zero case against DH because the treatment was done 17 years ago and there are other factors too, but now DH really doesn't want to go to this wedding and be forced to 'work' with
John for the whole day.

Ideally your DH should contact John ahead of the wedding, call his bluff, and calmly tell him to take it through his insurance. No one just stumps up thousands from their own money just to prevent a spurious case against them. John needs to know his blackmail is not going to work. I sympathise with your husband, but the grown up thing to do would be to face this off ahead of the wedding.

What if anything does the groom plan to do to stop John kicking off at the wedding?

I wouldn't want to go either if I was your DH. The groom can sort it or he can accept that your DH doesn't fancy a day of abuse and won't be there.

Were there not some rules that your DH had to adhere to regarding providing dental services before qualification? could he lose his license to practice or something? Just because it was 17 years ago doesn't mean your DH may not be liable for any problems down the line.

That said, don't go to the wedding. And your post is really outing too.

John doesn't have a leg to stand on because he is way past the limitation period. The status of the treatment is irrelevant

from pp though it’s 3 years from the date you became aware of the negligent treatment?

so if john has only just had issues, and been told it’s due to the treatment 17 years ago, the clock now starts on the 3 years?

If DH doesn’t go then John has already won.

And tbh it shouldn’t be for the groom to take sides. He wasn’t involved, presumably doesn’t know the details, and it’s not up to him to decide who’s in the wrong and who isn’t.

I absolutely would go. If john kicks off then that is on him. If the groom is aware then he’s made the choice to take that risk.

With regards to the free treatment as someone asked, it was done at the dental hospital when DH was a student as part of his training. Obviously dental students need real patients to practice on and DH offered John this free treatment to help him out. There is absolutely zero legal case to answer to
A. Because DH was a student working under the supervision of clinical teachers and John would have signed a document to say he was happy being treated by a student.

B. It was such a long time ago that clinical records would have been destroyed a long time ago, hence no dental records

C. According to the groom John has mentioned this tooth a couple of times over the years but hasn't tried to make a claim, you have 12 months generally to make a claim once you notice a problem.

D. John is a waste of space who spends his days smoking weed and playing video games so I doubt he'd manage to actually speak to a solicitor.

He must know he's got no case so he's using this wedding as an opportunity to try to stir trouble.

It would be a great plot twist if he wasn't 😂

It's perfectly okay for your DH to back out in these circumstances, with apologies to the groom (although I personally would attend the wedding service at least).

I don't think it is reasonable to expect the groom to uninvite John, which I think is what you mean by "bit surprised he's still invited".

Either way, leave it up to your DH since they are his friends and not your problem!

It's wildly unlikely that problems now stem from negligent treatment 17 years ago. Over that period it's much more likely that any problems John now has stem from other causes.

The fact that your kids aren't invited and so you can't go means that the groom can't be that desperate for DH to be there. I don't think he should guilt him into going if he won't be comfortable with it. agree with this.

Obviously dental students need real patients to practice on and DH offered John this free treatment to help him out.

I must say this would not be possible now - dental hospitals have a waiting list of patients, and you can't just perform surgery on your mates. Partly because the hospital/university rather than the student would be liable.

Given that the treatment was given in a supervised hospital clinic, if John has any cause of action it's against the hospital. It would probably be simplest for your husband to point that out to him and give him the address to which he should direct his claim.

This is mental. I had a root canal done ten years ago and now I need an extraction because the weakened tooth has now broken. Should I sue my old dentist??

John sounds like a waster who is out to get some cash wherever he can.

If the groom knows that John was planning to use his wedding to 'ambush' DH and cause a scene, I'm amazed that he still wants John to be an usher. If someone was planning to cause a massive argument at my wedding for their personal gain, I'd have fucked them off out of it pretty quick.

This may have already been asked but if John is so awful, why is the groom having him in the wedding party.
To me he is choosing John over a decent man, so I would pull out of the wedding.

Who wants to attend a wedding where they are going to be harassed.

Good to see the standard MN 5 hour drive is still alive and well

I always want to ask where is it?

So the free treatment was done legitimately at the dental hospital and John will have signed a disclaimer to say that he accepted the risks, etc.. Anyway, any claim is thoroughly time barred and even if it weren't, it would be against the dental hospital and not an individual student.

I think John is just a wannabee scammer full of empty threats and I'd still go if it was me and just discretely leave the reception early. I wouldn't let it affect my behaviour or my friendships.

I think all of them need to grow a backbone and stand up to John, particularly if they all professionals who met at uni. Surely they know its nonsense?

his days smoking weed

the smoking is more likely to be the cause of his tooth decay

It's 17 years later - there is nothing to suggest that damage was done by the treatment. Dental work is not eternal and neither are teeth. You know he's been using them for the last 17 years.

According to the groom John has mentioned this tooth a couple of times over the years
Wonder what John's current Dentist has to say on the matter ......that's if John has one . Sounds like the type who would rather smoke weed and not spend money on his oral health ?

Quick Google search shows that weed has a detrimental effect on the gums ....
John is a CF

so you can't go and that was never the plan? In that case I'd say that its entirely up to your DH and it would be a kindness in you to support him in his decision. I can see why the groom is not happy and if I was your DH I'd be talking it through with the groom but being clear that he doesn't want the issue to cause problems at the wedding so for the sake of peace, if John is going to be there then he won't be. Your DH can only control what he will decide to do, and its up to the groom to decide what he wants to do. FWIW I think your husband is being very adult about this....not putting the groom in a position where he needs to choose and not risking trouble at the wedding.