DH pulling out of his friend's wedding due to this

[TeenyQueen]

This is actually DH's AIBU.
17 years ago when DH was a uni student he gave his friend free dental treatment. DH is an extremely loyal friend and he is still good friends with all of his old school friends.

This particular friend, call him John, is a total waste of space and made no effort with DH for years so they just lost touch, and they fell out years ago because I didn't invite him to DH's surprise birthday party. Anyway, DH and John are both ushers at their mutual friend's wedding this autumn and completely randomly John messaged DH to say that he's having issues with the tooth DH treated 17 years (!) ago so he wants several thousand £ or he's going to take legal action against him. He also said that he was planning to discuss this at the wedding this autumn, so he was planning to ambush DH and cause a scene at their friend's wedding.

Now legally, John has zero case against DH because the treatment was done 17 years ago and there are other factors too, but now DH really doesn't want to go to this wedding and be forced to 'work' with
John for the whole day. He's actually worried that they'll end up getting into a fight if John tries to get into an argument with him. Their mutual friend, the groom, knows all about this and is annoyed with John, but still really wants DH to be there for him.

I can't go to the wedding because we have young DC and they haven't been invited, and the wedding is a 5 hour drive from home so we couldn't go up just for a day. I'm also breastfeeding the baby so I couldn't leave DC with anyone, not that we have family here who could look after them anyway.

So is DH BU wanting to back out, but I'm also a bit surprised that John will still be in the wedding party, even after he planned to use the wedding to ambush DH?

Unpopular opinion but I think your husband should kick the shit out of skanky little weasel John at the end of the night in a quiet corner. I know this will never happen but I felt better for your DH just typing this

I’m a health professional and wouldn’t go near anyone threatening me with legal action. It’s asking for trouble.

John is being unreasonable, but he is neither using extortion nor blackmailing DH.

He is threatening to take him to court. He stands no chance.

He is demanding money in return for not taking legal action. He is not just threatening him with court.

The tooth will come out

I would avoid it what if he tries serving papers at the church

This. Tell DH to just ignore John completely.

Your husband needs to talk it through with the groom. He needs to make it plain that the only reason he would pull out is to ensure that nothing can happen between he and John that could possibly upset the wedding day.

Of course he is! How on earth do people get money they believe they're owed if they don't ask the complainee for it? You say why you believe someone owes you money and you inform them if they refuse to pay, you'll take them to court.

If you leave your laptop in the back garden, and your neighbours child climbs the fence, plays with it and breaks it, you'd ask for the parents to refund you the cost of a new one. If they refused you'd take the matter to the claims court for the matter to be adjudicated on.

That's neither extortion nor blackmail. It's just getting redress in the court system.

That’s what “settling out of court” is.

Yes it sounds like John has no case and is hoping to be paid to go away, but settling out of court is not extortion.

Do you think employees who accept a settlement in return for not going to tribunal are “extorting” money from their employer? Was Coleen Rooney attempting extortion when she tried to settle with Rebekah Vardey?

Most people try to avoid court, and are happy to settle if they can. Now obviously if this is an entirely frivolous case the dentist probably feels differently, but it isn’t illegal for the claimant to suggest it.

John is either trying to screw money out of your DH, or perhaps attempting to get DH's services for free for whatever dentistry he now needs doing!

In either case, he is an unpleasant chancer and nobody should give him any satisfaction in any way.

John's a knob and it sounds like he's come up with this ridiculous story because he wants to bully your DH into not going. So DH should absolutely go and if the accusations come up just laugh it off and ignore him.