Hi @Dunedinmum Really sorry to hear about your situation. It is such a difficult balance to strike and every situation is different, but I totally agree with others that a hard end date for your arrangement is the only thing that will make a difference. I think there is a lot of misinformation that some guests are relying on in making their decisions. There was nothing we could do to persuade our guest that she would not get a flat on housing benefit (she isn't working), or one using housing benefit plus a hefty monthly supplement by the council, in the city we live in and that she would have to move outside the city (with a free bus pass). She was told this so many times by the council and by us, but chose to turn down flats which the council found for her (private rented, but they were doing all the finding because she refused to - they were also loaning her the deposit etc). She was warned about the likelihood of ending up in temporary emergency accommodation. We gave her a hard end date with 6 weeks notice at the end of the 6 months, partly because the relationship had broken down (after she complained to the council that she couldn't live with our requests to supervise her son), partly because we could see that nothing was going to focus her otherwise. In fact she had asked us to tell the council we were kicking her out because she thought she'd get more favourable accommodation this way. Anyway, predictably, and despite all the warnings, she didn't accept any flats and so last week her and her young son ended up going into emergency accommodation. It's a horrid outcome for him, but we and the others involved are really hoping it kick starts her into realising that she isn't going to get more than what she has already been offered.
So, I think if you keep it open ended with your guests, they will just keep on as they are. It is only when reality hits that they will let go of the idea that there is some better option out there. You have done so much for them already and have nothing to feel bad about. I went through a lot of the same thoughts, especially with our guest's child, but ultimately it is not your responsibility to provide for them now that they are settled and working. That is up to them. I would stop giving them any of the welcome payment and I would give them a realistic end date. There is no reason why that should cause a breakdown in the relationship. Winter has arrived so your hosting costs will have gone up and you never said they could stay forever. If they are reasonable people, they will understand. If they do not, that is not your fault and reflects on them, not you. Good luck.
I too found this thread enormously helpful for my sanity when our situation deteriorated, so thanks so much to everyone on here for your support and kind and wise words. I am so relieved that our guests have left, our home feels like our home again and I don't have to deal with hostility on a daily basis. I don't regret hosting, it was a good thing to do and I learnt a lot along the way as did my family. I think we just got unlucky and whilst I worry about the boy, I had finally come to the realisation there was nothing else we could do for him.