I'm on the verge of a breakdown over friend

[Changeymcchangeychange]

NC

Close friends for a very long time. Over the years she has asked many favours of me but its now getting too much. She knows I can't/won't say no to her. I'm a people pleaser, but don't want to be. I just don't have the balls to say no.
I can't list the favours as it's too outting. Shes pushing me to a breakdown. The latest favour requests from her are taking me over the edge and forced me to cancel my day off work. I had nothing planned but that's not the point.
I don't know how I manage this situation.

Honestly, give me her number and I’ll text her.

She isn’t your friend and the reason you don’t have friends is because you have such low self esteem. You deserve better than this. You don’t need to bribe people to be your friends, good people will be your friend because they want to be not because they might get something out of you.

What do you think would happen if you kept saying no? How would that play out?

You say she is your only friend - do you know why you don't have other friends? What could you do about this?

Can I suggest you would really benefit from some personal counselling about this? Good friends are lovely things to have, and I am sure you could make friends with kinder people with a little untangling.

It is very hard though for some people to stand up for themselves, they are literally terrified. It doesn’t actually help to shame them for it.

Sorry to be blunt, she is not your friend
She is using you stop allowing this to happen

Dont wait in for the delivery! If you’re not home when it’s delivered that’s her problem, not yours. You need to make a stand so plan something nice to do on your day off and let her deal with sorting re delivery of the parcel.

Good lord love. She's not your friend!

Who does she think she is?!

Tell her to stop having parcels sent to your house. You've asked nicely - she's bulldozed over that when any ordinary person would take the hint.

(Leave aside that no ordinary person thinks it's ok to send parcels to some one else without checking with them first!!)

So you need to tell her very firmly no more parcels. You will not be staying in for them or dropping them round.

For goodness sake love she's really taking advantage.

Are you afraid of her?

She is just using you and you know it. Being friendless would be a step up.

Some people are just CFing twats and if enough people let them then they turn into people like your friend. I had one like this only I shut it down after 2 attempts. I said no and distanced myself. We now catch up if we’re in a group and I can see her taking the piss with another mutual friend a bit now.

i think your easiest option is to just cut her out of your life full stop. I mean what do you get from this friendship? You have your fiancé you don’t want to ruin that and put her first and then you’re left with no one. Stick with the person who loves you.

She's using you.

I'll be your new friend 🙋🏻‍♀️ - I don't ask for favours only the occasional meme .

As for the parcel when it comes just say "sorry this person doesn't live here" and send it back. She won't do it again. she's a cheeky fucker.

Buy and read this book @Changeymcchangeychange It’s great.

You say you do not ave the balls to say no
So what do you think is going to happen?

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT IN

A better answer to her would have been "I'm going to be out for most of the day, sorry"
But you told her that you don't know your plans, she's ignored that, so you do whatever you want and of if they call when you're out you simply say that they came when you were out.

You do not have to give a reason she will accept for saying no. Just say sorry I can’t do that and keep repeating or ignore messages.

The most telling part of op is the fact that you say she is your only friend.
Why is that?

OP she is not your friend, you are in an abusive relationship, she is your bully. I had a friend like this for over 20 years. I basically broke up with her, it is like breaking up with a partner but end the friendship and block. It was bloody difficult to as I was a little afraid of her deep down, but I have felt infinitely better since ending that "friendship".

Trust me with her out of your life you can make other friends that don't cause a full blown panic attack everytime you see a notification from a whatsapp message.

I had a manipulative friend. I knew when I finally said 'no, I'm not doing that and its not fair to ask me to' it would end the friendship. It did, and I initially felt angry at the injustice (long emails from her about how awful I was being), but shortly afterwards there was just huge relief. And my time was free to build up healthy relationships instead.

The favours cause a hell a of a lot of issues between me and my fiance. He gets so mad at me doing it all and at her asking. As a result he doesn't like her.

Who is more important to you, your friend or your fiance? Who are you prepared to lose due to this issue, him or her?

You can make other friends. It's hard sometimes, but if you have a fiance, you're clearly capable of making friends.

Maybe start with baby steps. How about, yes of course I'll take your parcel in for you, but Thursday doesn't work for me as it's my day off - can you rearrange the delivery for Friday, please?

If you haven't the heart to go nuclear, start pushing back in tiny ways.

As you see the dynamics of your friendship change, hopefully you will feel empowered to stick up for yourself more and see that no friends at all would be preferable to someone who rides roughshod over you to the extent that it is actually making you ill.

I guarantee that the confidence this will bring you will make you more attractive to other potential friends. Maybe you could join a club or something, as WFH you're quite limited in your potential friend pool.

Listen to your fiancé - he clearly has your back AND this un's number.

I had a friend like this - the incredible sense of entitlement and thinking you're lucky to have them as a friend so they don't need to help you out in any way has narc written all over it IMO.
The best thing to do is to let the friendship go entirely. You're holding on because she's your only friend - but this isn't friendship. Message her any old lies you need to to get rid of her - tell her you're struggling with your mental health and so are taking some time out for yourself so won't be having any contact with friends until you're feeling better (never) as you need to concentrate on yourself. Then block her.

I'm sorry but she is not your friend. If you start saying no she might stop being "your friend" but she isn't really at the moment. You are her slave.

Your fiancé is going to lose patience with you if you continue to let her manipulate you.

I can also recommend this book - hence my username

OP,

You could say no and just not do this.

You could block her number.

She is a toxic friendship.

If your fiance was my son I would be strongly advising him to rethink marrying you.

You have allowed a clearly toxic relationship to control you.

Your relationship with your fiance is not important enough for you to take on board his views.

If your boundaries are so poor with friendships, then having a family would probably be a real struggle as you would be unable to prioritise when this friend would demand something.

Can you see how this must look from the outside?

This woman is controlling you.

If you were my daughter and you told me your fiance was behaving as you are, I would be recommending that you finish the relationship and move on to someone with self respect and boundaries.

In effect your friend is also controlling your relationship, with her influence on you.

I am not writing the above to be harsh, just to warn you that someone may well advise your fiance that you, your toxic friend and your lack of boundaries are just too much drama and to move on.

Are you choosing your friend over your fiancé??
it’s a beautiful day - go out and enjoy it !! 🌻

You’re ultimately the one in control here. If you don’t want to help her, you need to learn to say no and be firm.