I’m sick of the way my kids talk to me

[tinnedpears]

Getting ready for school this morning. I’m used to them yanking my chain, but this is getting ridiculous now. PE kit astray, no time to find it after woes sorting out social media accounts that I patiently helped with (yes really!) and was ordered to write a note for lost kit that I then did (yes really) me and my 14 and 13 year old got in the car. 14 year old then told me ‘could you chew your chewing gum with your mouth closed please’.

I lost my shit.

It was a controlled kind of shit losing, but it involved ‘explaining’ to them in no uncertain terms that they wouldn’t talk to their teacher like that, they failed to understand why, I explained that that was because there was a thing called hierarchy. They said that because he had said please that that was ok. I said that no, it was insubordination and I was sick of being told what to do and they are never, ever to tell me what todo ever again. Happens all the time. Never do it to their dad.

14 year old has an exam today and 13 yo dd spat venom at me saying I should be ashamed of myself as he would be upset today and unable todo well in his exam. even though as he left I wished him luck, said I loved him and would be thinking of him, and he need only try his best.

he is a lovely boy, but is getting too big for his boots and it’s got to stop but was I BU?

@WhatIsThisPlease

But it’s not really a two way street is it? They are not equal and the same. How a parent talks to a child isn’t the same as how a child talks to a parent. They are not equal. A parent can tell off a child but child should not tell off adult. Kids do have to know their place I think. Hence the respect thing.

Absolutely this!

This may be true but they shouldn’t verbalise it! If I’d have dared say that kind of thing, my dad would have told me in no uncertain times to pipe down and not speak to my mum like that!

OP was driving, not at the dinner table, she can chew her gum open mouthed if she wants to
Disgusting habit. Do you do that too?

I'm with you Lucky- you can have love and laughter and fun with respect all round. I'm very close to all 3 of my DS- we chat all the time about all sorts- but they would never say anything to hurt me or be disrespectful. The teen 2 are the same with their dad, exDH, and my DH, step-dad. We can talk and laugh without disrespect.

I'm sorry, Belle you felt squashed. It doesn't need to be like that. You seem to have got the balance right with yours.

OP is feeling hurt and taken advantage of, which is horrible. They need to know how they've made her feel.

Can I vote for both? The reaction to the chewing gum comment was a bit OTT, but that was just really the last straw and they have been pushing your buttons for a while. No advice here sorry just feeling your pain, mine are still little and I am already seeing hints of entitlement that will need to be managed, or I'll be the one screaming about gum - hang in there

Perfectly good word and it sounds as though a spell in a military school, US style, would do them some good!

“Insubordination”? I think you are being unreasonable to have that attitude toward your teenage children. It’s supposed to be a family, not an Army battalion. They need to be able to express their own developing opinions. The vagaries of the adolescent emotional roller-coaster means those opinions often won’t be offered tactfully, or even politely. You need to allow for that to some extent and ‘pick your battles’. Otherwise you will either be battling constantly over the next several years, or you will crush their spirit.

People are picking you up on the words you've used but I'm feeling shocked that you prioritised sorting out their SM accounts over finding PE kit and then wrote an excuse note for them when they told you to. Isn't that taking on the role of protecting them from any and all consequences?