To think she should stay home with her child

[HomeSick2]

I'm home with a sick 1 year old who's unable to go to nursery, I've been off work Monday Tuesday and today because of this.

It's my DSDs time with her mum today, tomorrow and Friday (50:50) and she has rang my husband this morning at work to say DSD is poorly and can I look after her as I'm off work anyway and she has to go to work (erm so do I?!)

I've said no.

Firstly, it sounds like DSD has something different she's vomitting whereas DS has Covid like symptoms (although negative test). No sick but temp, cough, cold, and very clingy, and no sleep 😭. Could be the same thing but doesn't sound it and no way I want DS getting something else on top if I can help it nor do I want to spend the day clearing up another child's sick when I'm already knackered.

And secondly, her mum has made our life difficult on so many occasions I just have no interest in doing anything for her tbh.

I've said to DH she should take the day off herself for her child like I've had to with DS, considering its her day too.

I've only got defensive about people wrongly assuming my husband never takes the time off and pointed out he does, people keep ignoring that because it doesn't fit the 'always left to the women' narrative.

Saying my DH never takes his share of time off is completely incorrect, hence why I have defended that.

That's just something you have to deal with when you sign up for having kids though. I still think all these excuses are pathetic.

These threads. Honestly.

OP, you’re absolutely not in the wrong.

Ignore the posters suggesting your husband should always have the kid if they’re sick, regardless of who currently has the child in their care, otherwise he’s deadbeat, the ones accusing you of making the child ill in the first place, the ones who seem to think birth mothers are saintly and not to be criticised, regardless of their behaviour, and finally the old favourite, ‘you clearly hate your stepdaughter, why did you get with her father and make more children?’

@SamphirethePogoingStickerist beat me to it Op, I think the ex presumed you or your DH would take your DSD since you kept her with Covid. I don't think you're wrong to refuse, if your DC gets ill again so soon it could maje them really unwell.

@HomeSick2 Honestly you sound like you like the drama… for someone who has a sick child at home and are feeling unwell yourself, you should be spending your time and energy looking after you both… not on mumsnet going on and on about your stepchild and their mother.

Exactly this. It’s absolute madness to make these assumptions. So tedious.

I wouldn’t like to have this situation with discord over relationships and step children, however I would also not bring a vomiting child into my home. Particularly when you are already struggling with another illness. This has nothing to do with dad staying home. The child’s mum needs to take time off to look after her in this instance.

Its unfathomable to me that it's considered better for TWO women to miss work rather than ONE man. I just can't get past that. I get he has taken time off, but unlike you and his ex, he has two families, so to me that's double the responsibility. Which presumably he knew when he had an additional child.

If it was just a cold I would have said you were unreasonable. But a sickness bug, no way. She should keep her at home and stop it spreading to another household.

That would be a definite no from me. Especially since you are not feeling well yourself. The child's mother should make arrangements, or take time off herself...like you have done for your own child.

Who would do it if your child wasn't sick? I would expect mum as her day unless dad can be flexible with his work. And I would expect dad if his day.

You are watching one sick child, I would not watch another sick child unless it was for someone who I usually go above and beyond for (and they do the same for me). You aren't close. She shouldn't have asked, don't feel bad about saying no.

Yanbu! Her mum has already been exposed to whatever sickness bug dsd has, it's not nice to expose it to an already sick baby and you and dh.

Your not being unreasonable don't doubt yourself! Your DH recently did a large chunk off work to care for both therefore its the mums turn.
I wouldn't go near a vomiting bug unless I had to and you or your DH don't have to as its mum's week and your DH did over his share of illness cover recently.

Ignore the but the husband should be doing it posts on MN apparently its always the dad or SP fault when actually this case its the mum being cheeky!

You’ve explained that your DH has taken time off to look after both children when they were ill. Seems fair for your SDs mum to look after her daughter this time. You are not BU.

Why don’t posters read what the OP says before wading in?

Putting aside the rest of it, your poor child is feeling crappy with covid type stuff the last thing she needs is a vimiting bug as well! That could even be dangerous.

No way would I knowingly let anyone with a vom bug near my child!!

Because they are different households, sickness bugs spread like wildfire why would you risk another household. If it was covid not vomiting then everyone would be saying dear god no they stay put (which is what the OP DH sensibly did a few weeks ago!)
Work also only gives a limited number of days to care for dependents if he's already used 10 days why should they go unpaid because the mum doesn't want to deal with it???.

Which presumably he knew when he had an additional child
Presumably he also knew he had these children with adults who had equal responsibility for looking after them. So for him to know that and then expect both these equally adult parents to take their turns looking after the children when they are sick doesn't seem unreasonable.

Best answer.

Where is the dad in this?

Of course YANBU. One sick child is exhausting and if you’ve got what we’ve got I can only send sympathy and strength, it’s fucking awful. I haven’t slept properly in 10 days and I’m too tired to even cry about it.

@ArcheryAnnie
There's a button at the bottom of the OP where you can read all of OPs posts.
This will give you the clarity you seek.

Best answer only if you post without being bothered to read the not very long thread. You’re making yourself look daft.

My thoughts exactly.

Covid makes children vomit.

OP I'm with you, but this is Mumsnet where it seems Mums can do no wrong and Dad and Step Mum should suck it up.

You've clearly said your DH stayed home and looked after his daughter the last time she was sick (even though it was her mums contact days) so I cannot fathom for the life of me the logic of why people are saying he should have to do that again instead of her mum just taking the day off?!

I read them. The OP is still posting about a situation where two separate women are looking after sick children, and there is bad feeling being occasioned because one woman won't look after a sick child that's not hers (perfectly reasonable), when the DP could look after both. Then that's only one set of missed work days there, and each sick child is with their dad.

@ArcheryAnnie
You asked where dad is. Why did you ask if you already know he's at work, having recently taken 2 weeks of time off to look after both children and now expecting their mothers to do the same?
Why would you want two sick kids to unnecessarily mix viruses anyway? Principal?