To think she should stay home with her child

[HomeSick2]

I'm home with a sick 1 year old who's unable to go to nursery, I've been off work Monday Tuesday and today because of this.

It's my DSDs time with her mum today, tomorrow and Friday (50:50) and she has rang my husband this morning at work to say DSD is poorly and can I look after her as I'm off work anyway and she has to go to work (erm so do I?!)

I've said no.

Firstly, it sounds like DSD has something different she's vomitting whereas DS has Covid like symptoms (although negative test). No sick but temp, cough, cold, and very clingy, and no sleep 😭. Could be the same thing but doesn't sound it and no way I want DS getting something else on top if I can help it nor do I want to spend the day clearing up another child's sick when I'm already knackered.

And secondly, her mum has made our life difficult on so many occasions I just have no interest in doing anything for her tbh.

I've said to DH she should take the day off herself for her child like I've had to with DS, considering its her day too.

Yep, fair is fair. Plus if she's contagious, the mum has more than likely already got it. No point infecting 2 households.

Absolutely. And they clearly have an agenda here. It would be a fair enough point if the DH hadn't stepped up previously, but the OP has repeatedly explained that he has, for both children.

It's a bit pathetic though to always assume that the step mother/biological father are always in the wrong. Sometimes a biological mother can be difficult and it's natural to not want to help people who make your life difficult.

But the real clincher is to not want to look after a vomiting child when you already have a sick toddler. That's a no-brainer.

Actually I guess she doesn't have to stay at home, she could find someone else to do it. It just shouldn't have ever been seen that it's something you should do. Not without offer of payment at least.

To be honest although I expected my husband to do his share of parenting, with a sick child I always took the day off myself because I am the best carer ( most women are) husband coping with vomiting would worry me about the mess when I got home.

@HomeSick2 I’m with you - as a step mum with shared custody, I’d not be looking after sick DSS whilst looking after my poorly child unless it was our days with him. It’s twice the work, so it’s not “oh you’re home anyway” type of situation. Looking after two poorly kids instead of one makes ALL the difference.

When my DSS is ill on our days with him, then we make all the necessary arrangements and I expect the same from his mum & her DP on their days.

In your position I would say no too. You already have a very poorly DS to look after and as you’ve said, it doesn’t seem to be the same sickness so why put both children at risk of being exposed to anything else.

Its not an emergency, she'll have to do what the OP has done, take time off work or find other childcare.

Op I bet you aren't allowed to figure in any real sense regarding dsd unless it's to provide free childcare..

Exactly. Imagine the outrage of DSD was ill on DHs contact days and it was suggested that the ex take time off to look after her.

I'm not sure why posters are saying your DH should look after his child as there would be the same problem of two children with different viruses catching another one.

As he looked after your own children for ten days , taking time off work, it's up to the child's mother to take the day off.

Wow. Thankfully my child's father isn't so pathetic that he can't clear up vomit. Stop having such low standards for men.

I wouldn't want to have a vomiting child in my house either way, if it was your husband's day to have her obviously you'd have to, but I wouldn't be having her there on one of the mothers days even if your husband took the day off to look after her. She'll give it to your child and then you and your husband no doubt meaning even more time off.

OP, I often take the view that posters here are UR about step-children & petty about 'her time' / 'our time'.

But not here & I'm surprised you are getting such a hard time.

Clearly your DH did recently step up when they had Covid. I also think expecting anyone else to look after your vomiting child is totally unreasonable - so you are right in your approach, and not being unreasonable at all.

The child's mother should take time off for her child. CF.

The problem for you is because DH had both kids with covid, some of which was during mums's time. She has assumed a precedent has been set - both kids ill? DH or you will take them!

So a firm no will be needed to put her back on track. All else is playing the "Be nice " game, the one where the nicest person loses all the time - stepmums get that played at them a lot here!

There are so many threads like this. This is why I wouldnt have married someone who already had children.

Definitely a no to mixing illnesses. The whole thing will then be a longer period of sickness and being absent from work.

If this is the start of the mum's contact days then surely, as a PP said, your DSD was with you yesterday and the day before? Because if so, isn't it likely that you've sent a sick child to her DM's rather than her getting sick at her DM's? Did you send her to her DM's knowing she was sick?

Yanbu

No we do Saturday to Saturday one week with us, one with mum so she's been with mum since last Saturday, she'll come to us this Saturday.

There's no "you" in this it's just DH. OP hasn't sent the child anywhere.

Who the fuck is voting YABU?!

anyone who has voted YABU has lots of internalised misogyny. Women - stepmothers or not - do not have to put up and shut up anymore.

Hallelujah!

My child's father often vomits when he smells vomit so it's not pathetic it's just not worth adding to the vomit.

Why post if you’re going to get defensive when people don’t agree with you?

Why do you keep going on and on about ‘Mum’s Time’ you do know parenting doesn’t stop just because of a timetable right?

Grow up.

1. Sick kids want their mum's, not their "third parents" 🙄
2. Your sick child is your priority over and above anyone elses sick child. This is normal and reasonable.
3. It is also normal and reasonable to expect other parents to prioritise their own sick children.
4. Grown ups have had plenty of time to learn the old lesson about reaping and sowing.
5. The only person making a "poor child" out of DSD is the person who wants her to travel while sick to another household and expose her to another virus and the care of someone who doesn't want her there and doesn't really have the time or energy to be dealing with her needs right now.