To be disappointed that DD won’t get a surprise proposal

[Bluebellewoods]

DD is 28 and has been in a relationship with her partner for around a year and a half. They’ve been living together for some time and she tells me they are very happy together. I think the thought of turning 30 in a couple of years has been a big turning point for DD as she’s expressed her desire to get married and think about having children, as she feels time is running out somewhat.

DD tells me that she has decided it’s time to have a chat with her partner about her desire to get married and discuss and agree a timescale for doing so. I can’t help but feel a little sad that in essentially orchestrating her own engagement, DD will lose out on the special surprise moment of a traditional proposal which so many young women get to experience and cherish, which I’d hate for her to miss out on due to her impatience.

DD asked me for my advice on how she should best approach the conversation and I said I’d give it some thought. What I really want to say to her is just wait, she’s still so young and has so much time! I’d understand if DD had been waiting for years, but their relationship is still relatively new and I don’t think rushing an engagement at this time and sacrificing the traditional surprise is justified. AIBU?

My husband and I discussed becoming engaged. I don’t feel I missed out at all. We got engaged and married when we both wanted to.

Do women really still think like this? Dinosaurs, they walk among us!

Oh please! How much of a surprise could it actually be?

Please don't derail threads, imagine if everyone did that? You're not the MN police!

YABU.

And I think you've been watching too much TV if you think 'traditional surprise proposals' are a thing for most people.

DD will lose out on the special surprise moment of a traditional proposal which so many young women get to experience and cherish, which I’d hate for her to miss out on due to her impatience.

I'm undecided if this is a wind-up or for real.

maybe I've ended up in a time machine and stepped out in about 1850.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's got to be a wind up, surely, because nobody has such low aspirations for their own child?!?

I got the surprise proposal and cringed so hard. I hated it. I mean we had discussed marriage etc and were on the same page but honestly I wish we could have skipped the proposal.

your daughter sounds very mature and reasonable and in charge of her life. I’d be proud of her instead of feeling the way you do. It’s 2022.

@Time2ChangeName. How was it a surprise if you had picked the ring? Surely you both knew you were getting married and just handed control over to him as to when you could wear said ring. I think the op is winding us up. This very much reads like one of those "if aibu was around in the 1950s" threads.

You're being a bit old fashioned OP.

I think things are changing in this regard. Among my friends no one had the big romantic proposal, we all talked about it extensively with our partners before agreeing to get married. I think your DD is being very sensible.

Even if they have that convo he might take 6 months to actually ask her so I still think it will be a surprise of sorts! To talk before is totally normal imo and sensible. I don’t think 1.5 years is very long to be together before proposing though.. if her boyf is the same age as her he might be a bit shocked I would think. She could deffo frame it as I’d like to get married one day, would you want the same? And let him take it from there.

Well just where is my bloody Prince with his surprise proposal? I've grown old, fat and grey waiting for it. Am very disappointed.

The thing about overblown, romantic, surprise proposals is that really, some bloke is presenting himself as the ultimate prize isn’t he?
I think we’ve moved on from the sentiment that getting married is ‘goal achieved’ for women.

Waiting around for a big proposal is daft. If she wants to get married she very much should bring this up with her partner to see if they're on the same page.

When I thought I was ready to get married I looked over at then-DP one morning in bed and said "s'pose we should get married at some point". He said "s'pose so". Later that weekend we went together to buy rings.

18 months?!

*daisychain01 · 18/05/2022 06:16
DD will lose out on the special surprise moment of a traditional proposal which so many young women get to experience and cherish, which I’d hate for her to miss out on due to her impatience.

I'm undecided if this is a wind-up or for real.

maybe I've ended up in a time machine and stepped out in about 1850.*

this

Oh FGS OP🙄

Have I woken up in 1835?

Would you rather she missed out on having kids because she was waiting for her "special proposal"?

I never got a proposal, we had a conversation and agreed to get married.
Waiting around to be asked seems old fashioned and why should the man get to decide.

Marriage isn't about the proposal or the wedding
Life isnt instagram

Odd relationship with your DD to even think about this

My DH said lets get married one day on the tube. 33 years later......

She's being very sensible!

OP, I wanted a fairytale in my 20s. What I got was an unplanned pregnancy with someone I barely knew in my mid 30s. That someone is now DH and it’s worked out fine, but really, how sheltered has your life been that your main concern is that you DD has a romantic proposal? She may find at 28 that getting married any time soon isn’t in her partners agenda. 10 years together before marriage really isn’t uncommon these days.