To be disappointed that DD won’t get a surprise proposal

[Bluebellewoods]

DD is 28 and has been in a relationship with her partner for around a year and a half. They’ve been living together for some time and she tells me they are very happy together. I think the thought of turning 30 in a couple of years has been a big turning point for DD as she’s expressed her desire to get married and think about having children, as she feels time is running out somewhat.

DD tells me that she has decided it’s time to have a chat with her partner about her desire to get married and discuss and agree a timescale for doing so. I can’t help but feel a little sad that in essentially orchestrating her own engagement, DD will lose out on the special surprise moment of a traditional proposal which so many young women get to experience and cherish, which I’d hate for her to miss out on due to her impatience.

DD asked me for my advice on how she should best approach the conversation and I said I’d give it some thought. What I really want to say to her is just wait, she’s still so young and has so much time! I’d understand if DD had been waiting for years, but their relationship is still relatively new and I don’t think rushing an engagement at this time and sacrificing the traditional surprise is justified. AIBU?

I hope my mum isn’t sat twiddling her thumbs worrying about me missing out on a surprise proposal because I can’t think of anything worse, tbh.

Sounds like your DD is very practical and taking the bull by the horns, which for hundreds of years women have been conditioned not to do. Good on her!

Demonstrative proposals are all for show and Instagram.
If she loves him and sees herself spending the rest of her life with him you should be pleased.

This is such a depressing post OP. Maybe her DP is waiting for his surprise proposal? Or maybe he wasn't brought up to expect such a bonkers, sexist thing. Your daughter sounds great!

I commented upthread that I think she’s being sensible and modern, which she is.

but there’s nothing wrong with wanting the romance of an old fashioned proposal.

my husband and I knew we were committed to each other and wanted to be together for life. But I’m still glad he was so romantic in surprising me with a ring and a traditional proposal. It’s a wonderful memory and I was overwhelmed by the effort he went to.

not saying it’s hugely important in the great scheme…but why not enjoy it?

As for "demonstrative proposals are all for show and Instagram" - what a dour, mean-spirited attitude!

When my husband proposed there was no such thing as Instagram. Who was he 'showing off to exactly - the seagulls?

Please tell us more about your romantic seaside proposal. #lifegoals #makingmemories #andisaidyes

This was in the days of yore CorpseReviver (circa 2001 AD) when there was no '#' anything! So it wasn't #making memories as such, but a memory nevertheless, and one I will always have unless I lose my memory. I was surprised but also not surprised because on one hand, I'd only known him 6 months, but on the other hand, I could kind of tell it was coming. 20 years on now. Personally, on balance, I have to say, I find men who make an effort with such occasions more attractive and less boring, but that's just me. Each to their own.

@P1lar personally I prefer to be an equal partner in my marriage, but as you say, each to their own.

If my DH had felt the need to ask my fathers permission to marry me, I wouldn’t have wanted to marry DH!

DH didn't ask my dad, but he did ask my parents opinion on the ring he was looking to buy me.

My dad is quite traditional in some ways and although I know he was just happy I was happy, if dh had asked him for my hand, he would have had no problem with it. And to be honest it wouldn't have bothered me if dh had gone through that because we'd already talked about it.

I thought most women did it that way nowadays. Who truly gets a genuine surprise-outta-nowhere proposal without talking about marriage/future/kids with their partner?? YABU op.

YABU. You seem a bit old fashioned!