to be offended by this T-shirt?

[parklife1]

I saw a post on social media today. It was about two gay men becoming fathers of twins via surrogate. There was a picture of the two men in "DAD" T-shirts. The pregnant surrogate stood in between them with a T-shirt saying "NOT THE MOMMA".

I'm not even against surrogacy perse, but I found this picture offensive.

I understood why she was wearing it - she wanted to display that she doesn't want to have a mothering role in the children's life.

I still think it's a slap in the face of women, we go through so much during pregnancy and labour. Giving birth can be life-threatening, I lost 2.1 litres of blood during my first birth and 1 litre of blood during my second birth.

Many women have postpartum depression after birth and the hormones are on a roller-coaster.

My body will be forever marked by giving birth (stretch marks, C-section scar, mum tum).

To me this picture is just offensive, because it sort of portrays women and our bodies as a commodity.

AIBU?

[Whoatealltheminieggs]

I think surrogacy is pretty wrong tbh usually so yes the t shirt is pretty gross.

[NotExactlyHappyToHelp]

Isn’t it a famous quote from that funny dinosaur program that was on in the late 80s? The little baby dinosaur said it all the time.

[ArcheryAnnie]

The two men should've been wearing t-shirts that say "I bought a human being".

I am all for gay men being parents, but there are options available that don't commodity children and erase women.

[DuvetHugger]

Men don't appreciate what women go through

[Franca123]

Yeah. It made me feel a bit ill too. Yes, you're selling your baby and got a fun t shirt to shout about it. I hope the baby finds that photo cute / funny in years to come.

[SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit]

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp

Isn’t it a famous quote from that funny dinosaur program that was on in the late 80s? The little baby dinosaur said it all the time.

Yes!
But that’s what the baby called its dad: “Not the momma”, so I’m not sure how that works in this scenario as it should be worn by a dad!

[DappledShade]

I think it is her choice and it seems the baby will have two loving parents. Do I find it funny or amusing? Not at all. I'm not offended by it though. I was adopted and feel that growing up with loving parents is much more important than how I got there.

[TinaYouFatLard]

Surrogacy is an abhorrent practice yet we are being aggressively conditioned to accept it as a beautiful thing. Gross.

[veronicagoldberg]

Surrogacy disgusts me.

I was taken from my mother at birth and still feel the effects, even after being brought up by decent adoptive parents.

Purposefully creating babies to be removed from the primal relationship dyad is horrific. Truly dystopian. They leave puppies and kittens with their mothers for longer.

[Thebestwaytoscareatory]

The two men should've been wearing t-shirts that say "I bought a human being"

You could say the same about anyone who's went through IVF or used a sperms donor.

[Snowflakes1122]

YANBU.

Feels like women and their part in life are just being erased right, left and centre these days.

[standoctor]

Self absorbed w++++s
Feel sorry for that poor kid

[SleeplessInEngland]

Nope, wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Sorry.

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

I believe that all children have the right to know both biological parents and to know where they came from and who they are. It forms a big part of your identity and acceptance of your place in the world. I think it's very sad when children are turned into commodities.

[myceliumama]

Surrogacy is a horrific practice. It's all about the parents and nothing about the child. To intentionally create a baby with the express intent of removing it from its mother (regardless of genetic heritage) is barbaric .... so much so its illegal in other mammals. THEY can't be sold until weaned at 8 weeks. All that baby knows is the mothers voice, taste , movements and smell. It doesn't want anybody else and to sever that bond intentionally is monstrous.

[GarlicGnocchi]

I don't find it offensive but I don't know much about surrogacy.

The pregnant surrogate stood in between them with a T-shirt saying "NOT THE MOMMA". I find this a bit odd. Is it a cultural reference I'm not getting? They could have just taken a picture in the dad t-shirts and the surrogate/BM in normal clothes if she'd wanted to get in a picture.

[WildNights]

I watched a couple on tiktok recently, 2 gay men that had twins using a surrogate. They said something like, there’s no biological mum in our children’s story. And one twin is biologically related to one dad and the other to the other dad...because they ‘wanted one each’. How repulsive and entitled can you get? Yet these men are being celebrated and any questioning of them gets met with ‘don’t be homophobic’. 🙄

Creating children with the intention of taking them away from their mother is disgusting and unethical. Surrogacy should be banned.

[Neverreturntoathread]

I’m not against surrogacy when it’s non-exploitative, but that post is offensive to women, and the fact that they thought it up and wanted to create it means they have some nasty attitudes to women and no understanding of the mother-baby bond (and how it begins way before birth).

Ignorant nasty guys already using the baby as a social media prop. Poor kid.

[Twizbe]

I found it offensive as well. She is the mother. She has grown those babies and endured a premature labour.

[DappledShade]

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation I actually find you saying that quite offensive. I was adopted and am fully comfortable that I know who I am and my place in the world. Not everyone believes that your biological relatives shape who you become.

[Jarline]

Is it a reference to the fact that it may be a donor egg?

[Elliania]

Did it say in the article if she's one of the biological parents or if an egg donor was used? Because if the embryo was created from donor eggs & then implanted into the surrogate then she REALLY isn't the mother. I can't get worked up about it honestly, everyone is happy with it so it's none of my concern.

[XelaM]

I see nothing wrong with surrogacy. My former boss had two kids via surrogacy, as she was too old to have kids. Her and her partner were ridiculously wealthy and the two kids will have amazing lives and want for nothing. What's wrong with that?