to be offended by this T-shirt?

[parklife1]

I saw a post on social media today. It was about two gay men becoming fathers of twins via surrogate. There was a picture of the two men in "DAD" T-shirts. The pregnant surrogate stood in between them with a T-shirt saying "NOT THE MOMMA".

I'm not even against surrogacy perse, but I found this picture offensive.

I understood why she was wearing it - she wanted to display that she doesn't want to have a mothering role in the children's life.

I still think it's a slap in the face of women, we go through so much during pregnancy and labour. Giving birth can be life-threatening, I lost 2.1 litres of blood during my first birth and 1 litre of blood during my second birth.

Many women have postpartum depression after birth and the hormones are on a roller-coaster.

My body will be forever marked by giving birth (stretch marks, C-section scar, mum tum).

To me this picture is just offensive, because it sort of portrays women and our bodies as a commodity.

AIBU?

Just to be really clear. I'm against surrogacy regardless of whether the intended parents are straight or gay.

I know many wonderful parents in same sex relationships. Yes, for women it's much easier to have a family in a same sex relationship. Yet another example of where life just isn't fair.

I know a few gay dads who've adopted and are doing wonderful jobs with their children.

None of these couples have paid a woman to rent her body.

I'm also against buying a baby ("surrogacy") regardless of the parents' sexes or situations. I believe the majority of babies are bought by hetero couples anyway.

I am glad I am not the only one. I can't get my head around some of what I just read

Why do you keep mentioning how rich they are?

Plenty of women find themselves too old to get pregnant. That's not a reason to commission a baby.

You can absolutely be offended by it, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't wear it if she wants to.

I have no opinion on surrogacy as a principle. The t-shirt strikes me as mildly distasteful. But it's certainly not the only slogan I've ever seen on a t-shirt that I personally find unpleasant, and I'm sure some of the slogans I find unpleasant are things that plenty of Mumsnetters would vehemently defend their own right to wear. So yes, be offended by the t-shirt if that's how you feel, but that doesn't (and shouldn't) have any impact on anyone else's decision to wear it.

that poor child. its all 'me me me ' with the dads and no though for the feelings of the child.

So are we all to hate gays now, too, Father?
Remember, the Greeks invented it!

Personally, I don’t agree with anyone using sperm donation, but it’s not comparable to surrogacy. No one has a right to have a child, i would feel very sad for anyone that wanted a child that couldn’t have one, but that doesn’t mean they should have the right to use any means to get one.

It has nothing to do with homophobia. Surrogacy is morally abhorrent regardless of whether the baby is bought by same-sex or mixed-sex couples.

The mother is always the woman that grows and delivers the baby. Adoption is an entirely different scenario to surrogacy as it's considered the best possible outcome for a child that needs a home. Adoption is about what is best for the child and surrogacy of about what is the best for the parents.

I saw a similar one with two women, one ha ‘not the father’ on her top. Not really offended by either. I get more offended when I see ‘daddy’s/mummy’s little princess/prince’ tops on babies.

Well said!

Sorry, what @Anniefrenchfry ? Is this your logic?

A woman can pump her body full of artificial hormones to promote egg production and undergo a medical process have them harvested.

A man can masturbate into a pot.

The woman who produces the egg can not have the combination of her egg and a mans sperm implanted and use her food, oxygen, blood etc. grow a baby to term. This is selling a baby.

But a woman can have the combination of another woman's egg and a mans sperm implanted and use her food, oxygen, blood etc. grow a baby to term. This is not selling a baby.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest either

Do we get all offended when lone parents are bringing up babies alone?? Or if donor sperm is used?

Ridiculous. Babies need loving parent/parents....doesn't matter how

The mother is literally in the picture, how is this "being erased"?

This!

I feel for anyone longing for a baby reading this thread!

I agree with you @myceliumama. I just don't understand the mental gymnastics people have to go through to claim that the surrogate is somehow not the mother. Of course she is!

What happened to a surrogates 'my body my choice'?

And trying to cheapen the process by saying surrogate babies are 'bought' really has no effect

Having a lot of money doesn't necessarily mean the children will be happy. I'm against surrogacy in all circumstances. It's very high risk for the woman who goes through the pregnancy, especially if she has no genetic connection to the baby, and it's not in a baby's best interests to be removed from the mother immediately after birth - and before anybody starts up with the idea that she's not the baby's mother, yes, she is, in the sense that the baby has had virtually all of its gestation in her womb and she gave birth to the baby. The baby has known the sound of her voice for weeks and weeks before birth.

Nobody has the right to a baby. It's very sad that not everybody can have a child who wants one, for a variety of reasons, but unfortunately that's how it is. Enabling wealthy people to buy a baby, which is effectively what's happening here, is abhorrent.

Here here

This thread is hompophpobic because it seeks to deny gay males the oportunity to have a family. It is getting offencded at the thought that gay men may want to have a child with a surrogate, and that surrogate will be perfectly happy to help. Children can have two fathers and they can have two mothers.

I'll paraphrase this OP - Children can only have one mother and one father.

What about the concept of adoption?

Sometimes this site is a real cess pit.

Donor sperm is not the same as surrogacy at all.

For a start all a man has to do to donate sperm is wank into a cup. Hardly an invasive medical procedure that carries some significant risks for him.

That would be my understanding of it. Eggs and sperm aside, surely the woman who carries the baby is the mother?

Surrogacy is abhorrent. Women are not wombs for hire. It's often poor women in countries with lacks surrogacy laws that end up having to carry babies for wealthy couples.

There was even one instance with a Urkanian surrogate where a couple forced the woman to be induced early, and without the doctor signing off on it they toke the baby and raced for the border before the Russians invaded.

I don't find it offensive but I do think that most people want to know where they come from and who they come from. You can't and shouldn't erase part of a human's backgound because it doesn't suit you.

My eldest's father has played very little part in his life (little more than a sperm donor) but he's still an important part of his life. I did not let the fact that he didn't see him or pay anything or ask about him or show any concern about his welfare for most of his childhood get in the way of him wanting to get to know him and that side of the family.

I have 2 friends who are adopted and who despite having very loving parents, wanted to know their biological mother.