to be offended by this T-shirt?

[parklife1]

I saw a post on social media today. It was about two gay men becoming fathers of twins via surrogate. There was a picture of the two men in "DAD" T-shirts. The pregnant surrogate stood in between them with a T-shirt saying "NOT THE MOMMA".

I'm not even against surrogacy perse, but I found this picture offensive.

I understood why she was wearing it - she wanted to display that she doesn't want to have a mothering role in the children's life.

I still think it's a slap in the face of women, we go through so much during pregnancy and labour. Giving birth can be life-threatening, I lost 2.1 litres of blood during my first birth and 1 litre of blood during my second birth.

Many women have postpartum depression after birth and the hormones are on a roller-coaster.

My body will be forever marked by giving birth (stretch marks, C-section scar, mum tum).

To me this picture is just offensive, because it sort of portrays women and our bodies as a commodity.

AIBU?

Accidentally pressed post 😑anyway those examples aren’t comparable for various reasons but I went through IVF on the nhs didn’t use any donors and carried my baby, in what way could you possibly say we bought her?

I hope if your former boss ever needs a new kidney or a new heart and lungs they manage to find someone willing to sell them theirs. Of course, that would be a more permanent arrangement than just renting a womb for a year so it might be a tad harder to find a very poor and desperate person willing to make the trade.

I never really had an opinion on this until I actually had children and realised what being pregnant and giving birth involved. My body will never be the same again, I have injuries which can't be fixed, but I'm OK with this as I have my children and I accepted that it was a risk i was willing to take. I worry about the women being exploited in less economically developed countries and also the children born as a result of this to unconventional families. It seems that the couples want of a baby come before the woman carrying the baby and the actual baby created.

Funny how despite claims that surrogacy should be opposed regardless of who does it, it only ever seems to be gay couples doing it that provoke howls of outrage.

Bur sure, it’s all about surrogacy in general rather than surrogacy by gay couples.

Epigentics plays a major role in foetal development and a foetus developed in a surrogate mother’s womb will be affected by the surrogate mother whether or not she is biologically related. Up to 10% of free flowing DNA in a pregnant woman comes from the gestating foetus and children can carry material from the gestating mother into adulthood. The material passed on from the surrogate mother can be passed onto the child’s own children.

Once born, the baby will associate her with being her/his mother. I therefore see little difference between a surrogate mother gestating a donor egg and a surrogate mother donating her own eggs.

I really do not like the practice. I understand there are reasons why people opt for this route. I understand some women are happy to do it and are not driven by financial gain. However, I think they few and far between. It feels really exploitative and doesn’t seem to be in the interest of the child.

“Unconventional families”

Do you want a chain for that dog whistle?

Things like this are just depressing. Just because you want something doesn't mean you have to have it at all costs.

The issues that the child and woman could face aren't good. What if she regrets it? I mean some must either due to emotional problems or physical issues. I had an emergency C-section and will always have a scar due to it but I can think it's worth it because of my child but what about doing it for money? Also there are far worse permanent complications women face. And for the child, how does it feel to know your mother sold you? It's just depressing.

Your ignorance of the campaigns against surrogacy is merely that - your ignorance - not a reflection of how people who are against surrogacy actually feel. Perhaps you need to read more widely.

Agree. It’s exploitative and veers towards Handmaids Tale territory. Agree with the previous poster who was a SW.

Whether it's offensive is all relative. What bothers me is that it's downright incorrect.

Doesn't bother me at all.

I do have the most amazing DD who was a settled happy baby from the minute she was born and bonded immediately with me, much to our surrogate's delight.

So I don't do the selling babies hysteria nor the similarity to adoption as it's a very different narrative.

Yep.

This

You must have missed the Kim Kardashian and other heterosexual celeb surrogacy threads over the years. Many have been deleted but I’m sure there will be some still knocking around, all with many posters saying they feel surrogacy is wrong. Fuck all to do with sexuality and everything to do with buying babies being unethical for so many reasons.

Bit yeah, let’s pretend everyone is homophobic.

Tiresome. And total bollocks.

I read plenty thanks.

About 2/3s of surrogacy in the UK is among opposite gender couples. Are you really going to claim that 2/3s of the examples of surrogacy that result in threads like this are about straight couples?

Because that would be nonsense. About 90% of negative commentary about surrogacy is focused on examples of gay couples, even though they only make up about one third of cases of surrogacy.

Why do you think that is?

And surely there are bigger things, things that affect children and single mothers, to get offended about. This woman chose to wear a t shirt about her own emotions. Why virtue signal your way through a long Tuesday afternoon about something that doesn't even offend the person in question. If you want an award for carrying your own child, it seems a little tactless to shout from the roof tops about it when there are women who'd give anything to go through that suffering and who are most certainly mothers to their children through surrogacy

Perhaps you'd like to tell me I'm not really my daughter's parent? I held her in her first few seconds of life (and through the fourth trimester almost continuously) and she has my eyes, hair, smile and a few character traits as well. If so, excuse me while I tell our surrogate as someone has to be her mother and I'd better break the news.

No one is thinking about this from the baby's perspective. Regardless of whose genetic information created the embryo, so far as that newborn baby is concerned, the pregnant woman is their whole world - it's her body that grew the child, it's her voice and heartbeat that the baby recognises. To dismiss her as 'not the mumma' massively undervalues how essential she is to the growing baby and minimises the physical risks the woman takes to do this!
Not enough research has been done on the importance of the 4th trimester for the child.

Children also have a right to know who their mother is and who their father is, their genetic history and who gave birth to them. Using eggs from one woman, the womb of another, mixing sperm or using anonymous donated sperm, denies children their entitlement to both a biological mother and father. That knowledge is important even when the children are not being raised by those people.

Are you seriously claiming that the coverage of surrogacy is representative of the sexual orientation of those engaging in it?

Claiming that two thirds of coverage of surrogacy is about straight couples? Because that’s nonsense if that is your claim.

For the record, this viewpoint is genuine homophobia, and also total bollocks.

@TeaKlaxon are you implying that the issues around surrogacy don’t exist when a homosexual couple choose that path?

ImAvingOops

See my post.

The important thing about the fourth trimester is that it takes place. I can assure you that my daughter was not in shock in the slightest. I'd expected something, but she was the most settled, responsive, bonded baby.

No. I’m claiming that opponents of surrogacy are almost always faster to start a thread about it when it comes to a gay couple rather than a straight couple doing it.

Now that is homophobic. Reported.